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You Asked: Should I Play it Cool?

Dear Sugar--

I was dating a guy for 3 weeks and during the third week he decided not to call me back on that Saturday night. Sunday at 6pm I called him and asked him if he was blowing me off, that if he was, it was OK, but he should just let me know. He said he worked in the morning and was sick.

On Monday he didn't call me, but I saw him and he looked fine. I said it again on Tuesday, "If you’re blowing me it's OK, just say so and don't leave me hanging." Of course he said he wasn't blowing me off and he'd call me back and of course he didn’t. Should I stop being so up front and just play things out?

--Blown-Off Betsy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Blown-Off Betsy--

It sounds like this guy needs some space. If there’s one thing guys hate, it’s feeling crowded. You've only been seeing him for 3 weeks, so give him some time to figure out how he feels about you. The last time you spoke with him, he said he’d call you back, so don’t call him - let him call you. If he really is sick, he probably doesn’t feel much like socializing anyway, so give him a chance to get better, and I'm sure he'll call.

I know it’s hard to wait for someone you like to call you back, but just try to keep yourself busy. Hang out with your girlfriends, go to the gym, and even go out with other guys if you want.

If a week goes by and you haven’t heard from him, chances are he probably doesn’t feel the way you thought he did. Some guys have a hard time being up front and honest with their feelings, so if he is in fact blowing you off, chances are he will ignore you rather than take the initiative and tell you how he feels. Actions speak louder than words, so if that’s the case, you should move on. There are plenty of guys out there that will call you back, so don't deal with a guy who doesn't!

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asmalada asmalada 9 years
I do agree what they suggested above! I think actually he is not that into you. If a guy is really cares u and likes u, no matter how busy he is, he will definitely set aside time to call you, trust me! Furthermore, there are many other good guys that you will meet, why do u waste your time with him?!good luck for you!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
hon, i think thigs have already played out.
a-gentle-rain a-gentle-rain 10 years
Ah. Back in the day I lost many guys by repeatedly calling them. I'm all for the woman calling first and all that. But I think from then on, you both should be calling each other. Relationships shouldn't be onesided. I agree with andaman and lexo. Forget this guy!
LEX0 LEX0 10 years
YEA, PRETTY MUCH HE'S BL0WING Y0U 0FF... THAT SUX BUT ITS REALITY... PERS0NALLY I HAVE T00 MUCH PRIDE 2 KEEP CALLING A GUY, UNLESS HE'S MY B0YFRIEND - THEN WE CAN GET PSYCH0!! L0L!
brazilnut brazilnut 10 years
Move along to the next one honey, he's not worth your time! His loss anyways!
andaman andaman 10 years
Yep he's blowing you off and he's too chicken to admit it. He won't call again. Move on.
Cycy Cycy 10 years
I read a book called "He's just not into you" a few years back, and what i remember the best from it was the author saying that a guy would rather be trampled upon by elephants than risk hurting you by telling you that he's not interested. Judging from experience, that is also true. What these poor men don't realise is they hurt us more by not telling us straight out that they are not interested. Also some guys thrive on this sort of game. It's like a grown up version of hide-and-go-seek, so I suggest you stop giving him his kicks by going after him when he's avoiding you or not calling you. You deserve so much better girl! If he comes to his senses, that's wonderful. If he doesn't, his loss.
katie225 katie225 10 years
has anyone said this yet? um, he's just not that into you? god, girls really think about these things waaaay too much. just don't think about it, and if you weren't "exclusive" or hadn't made any formal declarations, find another guy. who cares? if he gets uppity about it, then just say, "dude, you blew me off!" i can just see thousands of women sitting and watching for the telephone to ring. jeez! seems sort of pathetic in a way, no? just seriously don't worry about it and go out with your girls and find some other guys.
SU3 SU3 10 years
I say let it go. Stop calling him. I really think that if he wanted to call, he'd call. Trixie6 made a good point - A guy who won't give you the courtesy of a telephone call isn't worth your time. So stop wasting time on him already. :)
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 10 years
There's a time to pursue and there's a time to back off. This is one of those "back off" times. You probably already freaked him out by calling and asking him if he was blowing you off, so I would just rack this up as "one of life's little lessons" and move on. Easier said than done, but if you keep calling him and bugging him, he's gonna think you're a psycho.
bearbizzle bearbizzle 10 years
don't be so available, a guy will freak if a girl is just waiting around for him. go out, have fun with the girls. let him believe your happiness and plans don't depend on him. it will make you more attractive.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
Yeah Trixie I totally agree with you on that. Great point! Sometimes gals get so caught up in wanting a guy to like them that they don't even take the time to really decide if the guy is even worth it!
Trixie6 Trixie6 10 years
I agree that you should back off, but I guess I see the flip side. If I were you, I'd be angry and insulted over the fact that he felt it was OK to blow you off. A guy who won't give you the courtesy of a telephone call isn't worth your time. Stop worrying about what this loser is doing and go do something nice for yourself!
Marci Marci 10 years
I agree that you should back off. 3 weeks does not a relationship make and you put him on the spot about blowing you off; what else was he going to say? Most guys don't want to hurt our feelings and will take the easiest way out possible. If a guy is interested, he'll call. It's really that simple.
junebrug junebrug 10 years
Pop is right, for men, actions speak louder than words. I've made this mistake soooo many times myself, and it's really hard not to call someone you like. Women tend to treat men how they would like to be treated. Calling to make sure everything's fine seems like a nice thing to do. It makes a man feel smothered though. He's thinking, "We've only been out a few times and already I can't do anything without her, she's pressuring me." And what you said about being blown off probably made him think you had invested way more in the relationship than he had. Tough as it is, they are hunters, and you gotta make 'em come to you. If I had a dime for every time I've screwed this up, I'd be rich. :)
tamberly tamberly 10 years
just leave him alone, and he will either come to you or not, then you have your answer, the ball is totally in his court now and im sure he knows it too.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I think you know the answer to your question. In the future, I wouldn't call a guy up on Saturday night and ask them to tell you if they're blowing you off. Can you really not tell when you are being blown off? Why do you need verbal confirmation? I think guys will always tell you how they feel about you without saying a word. You just have to learn to accept what they do instead of what they say.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
DS is right you need to back off you have only been dating for 3 weeks. Even if you tell someone that it is OK to blow you off 9 times out of 10 they aren't going to say why yes I am. Stop hounding him and if he wants to call you he will.
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