Skip Nav
10 Books That Terrified Us as Kids (but We Read Them Anyway)
How This Woman's Raw Boudoir Shoot With Her Fiancé Revealed the Beauty in Herself
Why I Will Never Apologize For Being an "Aggressive" Woman

You Asked: Should I Stay With Someone I Don't Love?

You Asked: Should I Stay With Someone I Don't Love?

Dear Sugar,

A few months ago, I got out of a long-term relationship and started dating again. After the breakup, a lot of my friends chose to side with my ex over me, and I have had increasing financial and professional problems ever since. Under all of this stress, I started going out with my current boyfriend. He is smart, good looking, funny, and generally a perfect guy to date. At first I would get all the fireworks feelings when I was with him, but by now I just don't know if I'm ever going to be in love with him.

Usually by this point in a relationship I would have fallen head over heels, but I just don't feel that way. We talked about this yesterday, and he feels the same way I do. I really do enjoy his company, love spending time with him, and appreciate having someone here for me at a rough time in my life. Should I continue to date him and just enjoy the time we spend together, or should I leave and really search for my true love?

— Not in Love Leslie

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Not in Love Leslie,

If you really are looking for your true love, then staying in a relationship with a man you're confident you will never be in love with doesn't make much sense to me. It's great to hear that you've both shared your feelings on this topic and remain open with each other regarding your intentions. Obviously you're in need of a friend right now, and it sounds like this guy might just be the perfect friend for you. If he's willing, I would suggest taking a step back from dating and focus on what could be a really great friendship.

When we meet new people, it's normal to put them into a certain category — friend, foe, acquaintance, romantic interest, etc. — and once they're there, it's hard to move them around. But just as sometimes a friend turns out to be something more, a love interest can be a better buddy than significant other. With that thought, don't simply use him for companionship in the meantime, but take this opportunity to build something you both can rely on in the future.


Join The Conversation
moxierain moxierain 9 years
I wouldn't stay with someone I wouldn't love. I wonder if this is why people cheat sometimes. Eventually if you don't confront it now then you would have to confront it in the future. It would just escalate in the future. I would never ever settle.
emalove emalove 9 years
Don't settle. If it's not there, move on and keep looking.
bchicgrl bchicgrl 9 years
It seems to me that you started dating again wayyyyyyyy tooo soon after ending things with your ex, everyone has to give themselves time to heal and be by single for awhile and do things strictly for them.
vmruby vmruby 9 years
No you're wasting time waiting for the fireworks to come back. You should never stay with a person if you don't love them.You both deserve to be happy and in love even if it's not with each other. I'm betting you two would make great friends.Maybe you should try that for a while and see how it goes. That way,it also gives you both the freedom to find the people you were meant to fall in love with.Good Luck!
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
Leave. Life's too short.
jaxon jaxon 9 years
*"head OVER heels* cant spell today...
jaxon jaxon 9 years
Maybe its a good sign that you are not "head of heels". For once this relationship might be more substantial. It could be growing into a more mature relationship rather than high school giggliness. Just relax and have fun enjoy yourself with him and whomever. Date casually for a while. I would not say you should pack up and change your number...
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
I think that if you are content with the current situation then do what feels right. It may be that because your last relationship was so heavy, you are ready for a light, casual relationship right now. He could be your transition man. Maybe you don't want all the emotional intensity of something heavy right now, so you feel safe with him. I don't see why others have suggested you have to break up with him. I think people have different feelings with different people. Sometimes you meet a guy who gives you fireworks as you said, but also is not healthy for you, or there are too many ups and downs. Sometimes it is nice to be with a guy who is stable and helps you to trust men again. Obviously you are getting something out of this relationship or you would not still be in it. Ultimately only you can decide if it is right or not. It really depends on what you want right now. Good luck.
Colleeninator Colleeninator 9 years
I agree. You have a great time with him, but you're not in love with him, so be friends! It's especially fantastic that he feels the same way, you won't have to break him down, and he's not going to hate you for suggesting you break up.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Here's a crazy thought why don't you just be friends. I don't see what the big deal is at all! You both have said you feel the same way so instead of trying to be in a relationship just hang out.
kiwishe kiwishe 9 years
When it doesn't feel right, it's not right. You don't want to be stuck in something you'll be uncomfortable in later.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
One of the biggest mistakes women make is that they start exclusively dating someone just because they're available. Who says you have to be tied down to this guy? Why can't you date a couple men and just enjoy yourself? Especially if you just got out of a serious relationship why add so much unnecessary pressure? The good thing is that you two are honest with each other and feel the same so wrap this up since its going nowhere anyways and start exploring life and dating other people.
Benefits of Getting Married Young
Best Edible Massage Oil
Harry Potter Love Quotes
Qualities to Look For in a Life Partner
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds