I have been having an off-and-on affair with a married man. I know that it's wrong, and we've been trying to stop, but I recently had a miscarriage — I didn't even know that I was pregnant — and he is the only man that I've been sleeping with. My emotions are completely mixed up. I know he has always wanted children, but his wife is younger and wanted to wait until she was ready. I also know that things need to end between us, but I feel I should tell him about the pregnancy even though logically, I think I should just leave well enough alone. This is my opportunity to make a clean break and avoid any other damage. He and I are good friends, so I feel I owe it to him to tell him. What should I do? Do you have any advice?
— Conflicted Carrie
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Dear Conflicted Carrie,
My gut reaction is to tell you not tell him, but that may not be what's best for you. Going through a miscarriage can be a very scary and emotionally draining experience. It's only natural to want to talk about it with the person who you feel closest to, so if you feel that you need to tell him, I think you should. If you don't feel that his support will do you any good, I think leaving well enough alone is your best bet, since I don't think his desire to have kids means that you owe it to him to say anything.
You should use the seriousness of this situation as another reason to end the relationship, which includes the friendship. If you think telling him will create an impetus to keep the relationship going, then I would urge you not to. Instead seek support in your friends or your family, write it in a journal, or talk to a therapist. Good luck Carrie.