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You Asked: Should I Try this Out Again?

Dear Sugar--
I had gone out with my ex-boyfriend for a year and a half when he was having serious issues with himself. He had a very bad anxiety problem brought on by his job (corrections) - He was treating me very badly so I said I couldn't be with him anymore. When we broke up he kept saying he wanted to be with me but not right now.

6 months have passed by and I still find myself thinking about him a lot. I met up with him for drinks last weekend and we talked and had a great time. He told me that he sold his house and is going on a world tour for 8 months and not going back to his job. He seems like a really happy person now and my question is should I hold out and wait to be with him. I still believe that he loves me and I truly still love him. Am I just kidding myself into more heartache? -- Hopeful Helen

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Hopeful Helen --

It sounds like your ex has some pretty serious hurdles to overcome before he can be in a committed relationship again. His decision to tour the world for the next 8 months leads me to believe he is searching for a sign or a purpose in his life. While you care for him deeply, I would let him do what he needs to do before jumping right back into a relationship. He clearly isn't ready for one.

Sting said it best, "If you love someone, set them free." 8 months is a long time to wait for someone so I advise you to move on with your life. If you are meant to be together, it will happen after he gets back. While he is exploring himself and meeting new people, you should do the same. Use the opportunity to figure out if this man really is the one for you or if he is just filling the spot in your comfort zone. You need to do what's best for you and hopefully things will work out for the best upon his return. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
ummmidkman ummmidkman 9 years
waiting sucks.
annebreal annebreal 9 years
Yeah I wasn't sure if this meant backpacking or musician stuff, although maybe I'm having a blonde moment! I went through a similar situation, although I'll admit there was an important difference - instead of work anxiety, it was a drug problem on his part - and I eventually learned that if he treated you really badly once, even if he had a legit issue, it's not meant to happen. Too much hurt, too much baggage, too much bad history. Good luck!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Two phrases pop out to me "world tour" and "not going back to his job" If he is in a band, and has quit his far far away
i-am-elle i-am-elle 9 years
I agree with Dear, too!
Chica8a Chica8a 9 years
i agree with DEAR ... and also i went through 2 years with ups and downs with a previous x-bf and trust me in the end you will realize it was all a waste of time!!
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
I think Dear has great advice...can't even add anything!
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