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You Asked: Should I Be Worried That My Boyfriend Is Moving in With a Girl?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and are very much in love. I know a year does not seem like a long time, but I know that he is the one for me, and we plan on getting married in the future. However, he is moving an hour away for law school while I finish my undergraduate degree. He is currently looking for places to live but he doesn't want to live alone for financial reasons. One of his options is living with a female six years older than him who neither of us have before. I completely trust him, but for some reason I'm wary of him living with a woman. Should I be worried or am I overreacting? — Concerned Constance

To see DearSugar's answer,


Even though you trust your boyfriend, if the idea of him living with a girl makes you uncomfortable, something's got to change. If you haven't already done so, talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you're feeling. Long-distance relationships are already hard enough as it is, so there's no use in complicating matters even more by a living situation you're not comfortable with.

Hopefully he'll be understanding and willing to find a different roommate that you both agree on. I'm sure there will be plenty of other men attending his law school looking for a roommate as well, so don't lose too much sleep over this — he hasn't even signed a lease yet!


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
If you don't like him doing it than he shouldn't. You two have to be comfortable with it and you shouldn't have to worry about what could happen. I hope he finds another good roommate option.
austerity austerity 9 years
I'll be frank; if she is more attractive than I am, I may be worried. Otherwise I wouldn't blink an eye.
graylen graylen 9 years
My boyfriend has lived with a girl and it didn't bother me. However, not knowing the person will just cause unnecessary worry, I think. I'd say help him find a new roommate, since you would be the reason the current one won't work. I know moving is really stressful and if I were in the same situation, I would want my boyfriend to help. Good luck!
colombiansugar colombiansugar 9 years
I lived with male roommates during law school too... for some reason, mixed gender living was extremely common among students at my school, and I never heard of it causing any weirdness between the roommates. I enjoyed living with my roommates, and there was never even any hint of any romantic-type feelings. (In fact, as a law student, you quickly realize that ANYONE is more attractive than other law students, haha). Of course talk to him if it makes you uncomfortable, but I just wanted to throw my experience out there to say that it might end up being a perfectly fine living situation.
zabrow zabrow 9 years
i have lived with boys a bunch of times & NEVER thought of them as anything more than roommates. boyfriends that i had at the time never had a problem with it, but if YOU have a problem with it, you should definitely talk to him about it. & because it bothers you, he should be concerned & try harder to find a male roommate.
Berlin Berlin 9 years
Damn, why matter so much that it's just a woman? Realize that if you moved in with a male, it wouldn't make you want to have sex with him or steal him from his girlfriend right? Not all women are after your guy just b/c she's a woman and he's a guy:) If he's going to cheat on you, it won't matter if you ask him not to live with a female. I always live with guys just b/c it's no drama and so much fun! But I always have thought of them like brothers rather than a potential date. You never sleep with or date a guy you roommate with b/c it would end up awkward, plus you would be at the start of a rel. living together...yeah, that'd work! So don't worry unless he's given you reason to. Plus if you are supportive of him, he's more than likely to opt out on his own rather than being pressured to, and then he feels like it's his decision rather than something just to pacify you. And he will get to see that you trust him and if he does move in with her, he'll likely do everything in his power to let you know that you can trust him! It's that whole reverse psychology thing...let them know you trust them, even if it's difficult, be supportive, and you'll get all the benefits. Again, tho, if he's given you reason not to trust him then it's a completely different story and you need to get yourself a new man b/c that trust issue won't resolve itself without some serious commitment and time.
Kelliegrl Kelliegrl 9 years
I would tell him that you're uncomfortable with it. I wouldn't like it especially if you don't know the woman. She could be some home-wrecking Jezebel.
ckeller825 ckeller825 9 years
he needs to use craigslist for a new MALE roommate. it doesn't matter if she's 6 years his senior. help him find roommates if you have to!
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
Kathleen said it just how I would! If you can find an opposite-sex roommate on Craigslist, you can find a same-sex one, too. I went to law school in a fairly small town, but I managed to not have to live with a guy. In fact, at first I lived alone and it was great! You have to take out such huge loans for law school anyway, why not take out a little extra, and have the luxury of NO ROOMMATES? It is so, so worth it, especially for 1L. Your bf will have enough stress already. Why add a potentially annoying or evil female roomie, plus a stressed girlfriend? Not worth it, if you ask me!
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
I'm sorry but financial or not, a roommate who is a girl whom neither of you know (or even if he did know her) is just not right when in a relationship. Ask him how he would feel if you were the one going away and living with someone of the opposite sex. I doubt he would be thrilled.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
i probably wouldn't like it either, but i'm sure it will be fine. she'll probably be older and disinterested in his life, and they'll coexist and hate each other like roomates often do. but do talk to him,a s everyone else is saying.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Helllls no.
darkangel2305 darkangel2305 9 years
I wouldn't be confortable with it AT ALL. So I would be super suspecious and well just annoying, so glad I won't have to deal with this anytime soon (or EVER! I already live w/ my current bf and we own our home)... Anyhow, do talk to him.
cjmara805 cjmara805 9 years
I prefer living with guys! No catty arguments, no hair in the shower drain, and the bathroom is always open!
lawchick lawchick 9 years
I had a male roommate during law school, and it was no different from having a female roomate. There wasn't sexual tension or anything like that. It was just a practical arrangement. You should probably go with him to meet her. If you still feel funny about it, tell him and he should find another roommate. But you might be surprised and feel that she's a nice person and not a threat. Good luck!
Sydney-C Sydney-C 9 years
I'm having kind of the opposite opinion here...After being in a sorority in college, I had enough of living with girls!! My last two roommates have been guys and there has never been any sort of weirdness whatsoever. My bf now lives with us, but before that, it was never an issue that I lived with a same sex roommate. I would suggest that you go with your bf when he meets the potential roommate, just so you can get a feel of what type of person she is, before you shut down the idea all together..who knows - you could gain a new friend out of the deal - I know my bf did!
Nyrina-Windu Nyrina-Windu 9 years
Talking about everything and being honest is one of the main keys to a sucessful relationship. Therefore, tell him how you feel. And like JenFan said "how would he feel if you got a male roomate?" If he loves you then he will understand and try to come up with another option.
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 9 years
Really? I don't see the big deal if you trust him. About six months after I started dating my current boyfriend, I moved in with a male roommate to save money. I didn't know him, I found him through Craigslist,and it was no big deal. My boyfriend didn't have a problem with me living with another guy. And the guy and I barely even spoke, to be honest. Just because he's living with another woman doesn't mean he'll become close to her.
kiwitwist kiwitwist 9 years
Yeah I agree with the norm. Talk to him about a new roommate.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
I have lived in mixed gender living situations before, but one-on-one, that is very weird. I would never live with just a guy. Even two guys is better than that! But you know what, he is just perusing his options and to him, he is focusing on cost and quality of the apartment moreso than the roomate. So I wouldn't worry about it until he says that is his top choice or whatnot. Also, meet the girl, that might help calm you down.
JenFan1 JenFan1 9 years
This would not even be an option in my book. Ask him how he would feel if you got a male roommate? You will see how fast he will switch tunes..I agree with everyone else here. Definitely tell him you are not comfortable and if he loves you like you say he should have absolutely no problem complying. Long distance relationships are hard enough, do you really want him growing close with a woman he is living with?
ms660bk ms660bk 9 years
Depends on your guy. If based on past behavior, you have reason to be worried about all this new, constant, close contact, then trust your intuition. Otherwise, it could be a great thing. The apartment will be so much cleaner than if he had a male roommate. :)
pureperfection pureperfection 9 years
agreed. be honest & tell him the truth, no use bottling up feelings, it doesnt change anything.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
agreed. just tell him. if he still move in w/ her because of financial reasons then try to understand. i am actually looking to move in w/ two guys, but i know i would NEVER do anything to jeopardize my relationship. so depends. dont worry too much, but i hear your concern tho.
silly3 silly3 9 years
I agree too. I would be uneasy if my boyfriend were moving in with a random woman, so I think it's reasonable to voice your concerns. Over the past few years of having roommates, I've realized that I like living with boys better because they're easier to get along with than girls (clean boys, that is). But I wouldn't really be wild about having my only roommate be a guy in a long-distance relationship.
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