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You Asked: Should My One Night Stand Turn Into More?

Dear Sugar--

Oh my, what have I done? I went to a new friend's house for a party this weekend. It was so much fun. I ended up getting pretty tipsy.

Her brother was flirting and dancing with me at the party. Long story short, we left at the same time and I ended up going to his house and spending the night with him!

This is the first time that I have ever had a "one night stand." I have never had casual sex with ANYONE (I'm in my 30s), always "boyfriends," so I have got some issues with a little guilt right now. I also got out of a long-term relationship late last year so I have not been with another man for quite some time. And, I left in the early morning without saying goodbye, just left a note and my number.

I would love to see him again, but I'm not sure what to do...wait for his call? Perhaps I should just take this as an empowering experience and move on? Also, I plan to not tell my friend a word...boys don't kiss and tell do they?

Please give this girl a little advice.

--A (one night) Stand Up Girl

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear A (one night) Stand Up Girl--

I know you must feel awful about what you did, considering you're usually "not that kind of girl," but don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes our emotions and desires can get the better of us, especially when alcohol gets thrown in the mix.

If this is a good friend of yours, I would advise you to tell her what happened. The chances are high that your secret will get out, so it would be best if she heard it from the horse's mouth if you will. Hopefully she will be understanding, and perhaps even excited about the possibility of you and her brother getting together.

Since you left without saying goodbye, chances are this guy doesn't think you're interested in him. Everyone has his or her personal views on one night stands, and if you don't want him to have the wrong impression of you based on this first encounter, I would take the initiative and give him a call. Be honest and explain how you feel about the situation in a light-hearted manner and apologize for sneaking out so early the next morning. I am sure he will understand how uncomfortable you felt.

It's okay to listen to the passionate voice inside yourself every once in a while (as long as you keep yourself safe). Don't get too hung up on the fact that you think you did something "wrong". If you don't want to be "that kind of girl" again, take this as a learning experience and be more cognitive of your actions, and perhaps even skip out on that last drink!


Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
Call him, or he calls you games. Don't like that. Just call him and talk to him. If he acts like it was just for the evening then let it drop. Make sure you leave it open for him to ask you out again. That's all folks.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 10 years
try spending NORMAL time with him , if it doesnt work out, forget it, a one night stand is a one night stand, keep it that way.
PrissyLilBadAss PrissyLilBadAss 10 years
Preach on Cubadog. You hit the nail right on the head. "Party like a rock star, pound like a porn star, play like an all star!"
sanD13 sanD13 10 years
I wouldn't call him either. He has your number, if he wants to call, he will. And telling your friend, if she's close enough, I would. If she's just an acquaintance, I wouldn't bother.
pixiechick pixiechick 10 years
Dont call! You left your number, if he's interested he'll call you. I would have to tell my friend though, I would feel bad around her if I didnt. But I also know most of my friends would forgive if something like that happened.
vmruby vmruby 10 years
I've never had a one night stand and i could never bring myself to do it regardless of my circumstances(and no i'm not judging anyone, to each his own) and i can't imagine any type of a real,lasting relationship developing with that kind of start.It's probably very rare if it does happen.The type of guys I know would already have you tried and hung and labeled with not so nice names even though a person might not be that way at all. I say don't call him let him be the one to do the calling and if nothing happens i see no reason to tell your friend. It's not like it's on a need to know basis and being told about it is going to benefit her.It's your business and no one elses. Anyway, I really hope it works out the way you want it to.Good Luck!!!:)
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
Everyone has their own experiences, doesnt mean that yours will turn out the same way as theirs!
andaman andaman 10 years
As for yourfriend, I would leave it. It doesn't sound like you are very closed anyway from your post. If she asks you then tell her the truth. But if she doesn't ask then forget about it.
andaman andaman 10 years
well designergirl i have opposite experiences :) I would say don't call him. He knows where you are. If he doesn't come by or call you or show up where you work, he has moved on to a new chick. Don't get your hope up girl. Men think differently than us. It was pure sex for him I'm almost sure. Well you had a good time and so did he. Leave it as that I would say. :)
designergirl designergirl 10 years
I had a one night stand once and I felt terrible afterwards. Luckily, he did call me later. We've been dating for almost four years and plan on getting engaged very soon. Sometimes it works out; I would call him.
Marci Marci 10 years
I agree with cubadog on everything.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I think leaving your name and number is pretty direct. I think the ball is in his court. I don't personally see any need to go blurting this to his sister, but I don't really know how close you two are. I mean, what are you supposed to do, call her up and say "Hey, I just had a one night stand with your brother and I want to apologize and/or confess"? If she asks you outright, do NOT lie. And if she finds out months later and asks why you didn't tell her, I would honestly say that you were a bit drunk and you were embarrassed.
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
I dont think its that big of a deal. If you are interested, give him a call if not then just tell you friend and move on!
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I personally don't think it is that big a deal whether or not your that kind of girl really doesn't matter. I don't think there is anything wrong with the occasional safe fling. You hopefully had a great, safe time just move on. I also would not broadcast to my friend that you hooked-up with her brother I for one would not want to hear the juicy details. Gross! As for calling him to hang out that one is up to you; I don't think that just because you snuck out early in the morning he is going to think your not interested after all you did leave your name and number so to me the ball is in his court to call and ask you out!
fab4 fab4 10 years
I had a one night stand with a guy and we ended up dating for 2 years. If you do get in touch with him again, chill out on the sex part and try to get to know each other a little better. Then see if the physical attraction is still there. You never know!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
hummm, never been in this situation, but isn't it a bit late to worry about the friend being upset? i'm guessing she would rather the 2 of you had a relationship than the other option, but i have been out of the dating pool for some time so there you go. if this is a friend of yours i doubt you'll be able to avoid the brother for long so you might as well call him up if just to clear the air so you won't be weirded out next time you see him. good luck to you :)
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I agree with Dear Sugar if you're interested in him call him up and explain that it was awkward for you but you'd like to hang out sometime. I'm not sure how your friend would feel about this though she might not feel comfortable knowing what happened between her friend and her brother maybe you want to feel her out first ask her how she'd feel if you two were to go out.
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