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You Asked: Should We Get Back Together?

Dear Sugar,

I recently started med school and within a month, I unexpectedly found myself falling for a new friend. After the first night we got together, he told me that he actually was still involved with an ex-girlfriend. They had broken up several months before due to the distance but had continued to visit one another and hook up. I told him we could date on the condition that he ended things with her for good, which he willingly did.

While we were dating, he still kept in touch with her and they continued to visit each other. We constantly argued about this and one night when I was drunk, I broke up with him. I called the next morning, hoping to get back together, but he said he decided to get back with his ex. I accepted his decision and was heartbroken, but we continued our friendship.

Last weekend, he wanted to hang out with me and he showed up with his girlfriend. I was shocked. When he called me later that night, in a drunken state, I told him how upset I was. He said he still had feelings for me despite the fact that three weeks had passed since our break up.

After that weekend, I said I needed some space from our friendship. He told me he had broken up with her and that we should get back together. I'm really confused about what I should do. I don't think it's a good idea to get back together with him, but I still care for him and I know he cares for me. Should I give him another chance, or should I just cut him out my life?

—Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place,

It's too bad that this guy is so indecisive. It can't feel good that he's constantly going back and forth between you and his ex. I'm reluctant to tell you to get back together with him because while you two were dating, he was still in love with this other woman and seeing her when he told you he wouldn't. Just because they broke up, what's to say that he doesn't still have feelings for her now?

If I were you, I'd stick to what your gut is telling you and give this relationship some space so that he can get his feelings straight. He's got to regain your trust and treat you with respect before you should even consider being his girlfriend. You should make sure that his feelings for you are genuine and that he's not wanting to be with you just because you live so close (unlike his ex). Wait a month or so, and if you continue to still have feelings for each other, then you can think about giving it another chance.


Join The Conversation
Holly-J Holly-J 9 years
sounds like this guy does nto deserve you. He also sounds like a crappy friend. Just move on!
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
Sounds like he wants to keep both you and the ex around. It would be healthier for you to forget about him, continue with your studies, and find a guy who is worthy of your time.
No way, this guy seems to have a plan, and it involves being unfaithful to anyone he is with. Sounds like a total jerk, and if you do get back with him, expect the same thing to happen, over and over.
PinkUnicorn PinkUnicorn 9 years
STAY AWAY from this a$$hole!!!!!!! You deserve so much better and should not have to put up with this kind of immature, selfish behaviour!!!
Beauty Beauty 9 years
Why settle for some dude who's not head over heels for you? You deserve better.
watereatsrock watereatsrock 9 years
You and I both know that you know the answer to this question, even if you don't want to accept it..
Tari007 Tari007 9 years
Absolutely NOT! He doesn't deserve your love. He didn't deserve it then, now, or in the future. Trust me, I have been in your shoes and it NEVER works out, he will fall into old habits very soon....
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 9 years
tell him to "take a long walk off a short plank"!!!
cubadog cubadog 9 years
You have to know the answer to this question. Run as fast as you can this guy is an ASS.
kimmbot kimmbot 9 years
Ditch him! You deserve better.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
all of you sound like you need a reality check enema. Grow up, stop getting drunk and making poor decisions like (sleeping with friends and hooking up with people who are ambivalent to monogamy)
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
Do you like looking like the desperate girl hanging onto his coat tails? Because that's the vibe I'm getting here. When he says jump, you jump. There are plenty of other men out there that would love to romance a smart, educated woman like you. So go find them, and leave this one alone.
foreverblah foreverblah 9 years
I'm a 3rd year medical student and I have to say that relationships in general are hard but relationships in medical school are extra hard. You have to both really want for it to work for it to ever work and if you're having this much trouble in just your first year, there's a much much bumpier road ahead. This is somewhat of a deja vu, as the same exact thing happened to my classmate. When the guy wasn't going back to his ex, he was seeing another girl. So much drama and in the end so not worth it, to the detriment of your grades, friends, and pride. Feelings aside, I say cut it off now. It'll be hard but it's better for you in the longrun.
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
If he got back with his ex so quickly after you broke up, what makes you think he ever stopped seeing her... especially since you know he still visited her?? This guy is bad news. Drop him like a hot potato.
tori353 tori353 9 years
Hun im soooo sorry that you are going thru this! no one should ever have to be in that situation! btw..congrats on having the drive to get to med school!
girlie871 girlie871 9 years
Sorry that your in that situation. He sounds selfish and his actions remind me of that saying about wanting what you can't have. As long as he can't have you, he'll want you, and if he does get you back, he'll take that for granted and look at possibly his ex again if not someone else who isn't available to him. I wonder what his ex is going through... possibly the same thing but for much longer. be strong and good luck!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I doubt he ever stopped messing with the ex. Clear the space.
caryatid caryatid 9 years
yo-yo dating is no fun. i'd give up on the guy for dating and give the friendship a break until he can earn back your trust and act like he deserves to be in your life. good luck!
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
And let me add-- the seesawing? It will keep going! He won't ever make up his mind, and he'll cheat on you. I hope that you listen to the advice you get here, because if not, you are in for some major misery, suffering, and heartbreak.
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
Girl, LISTEN TO ME! I was in your EXACT same situation three years ago-- grad school, everything!! We hooked up, he eventually told me he had a long distance, 5-year relationship, I told him to end it, he said he had, we started dating again, I found love notes from him to her and he had LIED to me. Then he tried to blame ME for it! This guy is spineless, manipulative, and a poor excuse for a man. He doesn't want a real relationship with anyone-- he wants to be in control. I'm sure he is quite charming, right? GET AWAY FROM HIM. Trust me-- he is scum. Not worth a minute of your heartbreak. If his ex knows what's good for her she'll take off too!
BoomBoom22 BoomBoom22 9 years
No! Drop that guy like a hot potato! He played with your feelings. He ran back to his exgirlfriend. It sounds like he can't make up his mind. He only kept you on the leash incase him and his ex girlfriend broke up. Now he's saying he wants you BUT he only wants you because him and her broke up. He should have wanted YOU in the first place. And it sounds to me like if you and him hook up, and him and his ex start talking, he may run back to her again causing you more heartache and frustration. Drop him and find someone else!!!!
tkoblondee tkoblondee 9 years
If he isn't being honest so early in your relationship, you can believe it will only get worse. Break it off before you really fall for this guy (and really break your heart), because it will only get worse. Besides why should you wait for him to decide who he wants to be with? No, No, No, it's YOUR choice. You need to choose,,,,yourself. Put yourself first. No guy is worth going through the hell that you will go through. He is a liar and guys who lie, can't stop and you won't ever be able to trust him, so your relationship will be rocky anyway, Get rid of him now, before you really get involved!!
lemassabielle lemassabielle 9 years
RUN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! lol He decided to get back with his ex not even 10 hours after you broke up? Which leads me to believe he never stopped seeing her while you were dating. I'll even go far enough to say he slept with her when they had their little visits. He sounds like bottom of the barrel, indecisive, not worth your time scum. That's only in my opinion though. Expect to get cheated on if you get back with him.
remedios remedios 9 years
Do you really need drama while in med school? You want to add stress?
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
You're in med school, wow, I'm very impressed, I'm sure that you don't need more distraction as it is. Or if you need a distraction from your hard work at school, at least, try to opt for a healthier/happier distraction rather than getting your heart broken, getting intoxicated and all the emotional outbursts. If you're going to be back with him, well, let's just say you're going to be in this position again pretty soon, and if he actually cut off contact with that ex-gf, I'll bet you that you'll be in her shoes one day (he'll be going back and forth between you and a new girl next time). He's repeating a pattern with you, it seems like. If I were you, I'd not give in because I don't want to be involved in drama, and there are always more important things in life, such as: how about yourself, what do you really want in a relationship, being with someone who can't make up his mind and going nuts, or waiting for the one who will actually know he wants you? You know what you want, you should definitely go for whatever it is that makes you happy in the long run. Take care!
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