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You Asked: Should We Wait to Have Sex?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We've discussed having sex but we agreed that we would wait until we were married. I feel strongly about waiting, not for religious reasons, but because I just have a gut feeling about it. Out of the blue one day, he said that he's ready and wants us to have sex while we are young and still having fun. He also said that he thought that as a guy, he doesn't feel he can wait until we're married. I am torn between what I feel is right and making him happy. What should I do?

—Wanting to Wait Wendy

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Wanting to Wait Wendy,

Sex is the most intimate thing two people can share, and not rushing into it is one way to make sure it will be special. You've waited two years already, and if you truly feel in your heart that you want to wait until marriage, then you should wait. It sounds like you decided this together, and now he's reneging so you must be feeling an awful lot of pressure.

With that said, waiting a long time to have sex can have its downfalls, too. When a relationship is young, having sex is a great way to express the passion and love you feel for each other. If you don't have sex, you could run the risk of developing a friend-like relationship so when you eventually do the deed, it may feel awkward or lack that fiery passion that was once there. I know waiting can make sex feel more sacred, but remember that having sex is a special thing no matter what.

My advice is to keep talking to him about this. Make a pro and con list and weigh out your reasoning and discuss this as a couple. Only do what you are comfortable doing and don't let your boyfriend pressure you into going out of your comfort zone. I hope you can work this out.


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