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You Asked: Is It Too Soon to Fall in Love?

Dear Sugar,

I've been talking to a guy for a little over two months now. Things have been going great, but I'm away at law school so most of our conversations are limited to text messages and phone calls. We've had one visit since we met and plan on another one in the near future. We really enjoy each other conversationally, and we had amazing chemistry and passion during our visit. We've decided to talk exclusively; however, I have no clue what I'll be doing when I graduate.

Because of this uncertainty, we decided to keep things really casual until I figure out my plans, but two days later, he told me that he thinks he is falling in love with me! Is this possible so soon and with such limited interaction? I feel strongly about him as well but I'm far from ready to say I love you. Are we on two completely different pages here? What should I do? — Weary Wendy

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Weary Wendy,

Since you're still unsure about your feelings for this guy, I think you should just give it more time before making a decision, one way or the other. Use the distance to your advantage and really get to know him. If your feelings grow, you have the option to factor him into your plans after graduation, but if you feel like you're better off as friends, at least you'll know you tried.

It does sound like you are on different pages in the relationship right now, but no, I don't think it's too soon for him to tell you that he's falling in love with you. There is no written rule that dictates when we fall in love; it happens differently for everyone so don't beat yourself up for not feeling the same way. I think you should continue doing what you're doing and let this relationship progress organically. Good luck!


Join The Conversation
Dissonata Dissonata 8 years
I think you should step back and have a moment of perspective. What kills long relationships is all those little everyday things that you don't love about the other person, those things you aren't going to know until you can spend some serious time together. Chill out, and if you actually have something wonderful and lasting only time will tell.
iconoclastgrl11 iconoclastgrl11 8 years
As a 1L, I don't even know how I have time to be on this site, let alone falling in love. (Oh yeah, it's a study break after 17 straight hours of case law...And 24/7 care of a boyfriend and household...)I take it you're a 2L or 3L, since you have time to date, so maybe it's time to refocus a little. As one of the few professions still graduating people into average (albeit frozen) salaries of $160k, a lawyer's not a bad person to be right now. Most people (myself included) feel helpless in this economy, but you've got "hand." So use it. Focus, figure out what you want to do, live everyday to maximize the best person you can be, pray/meditate/center yourself. Pursue the best you and the best him will follow.
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
I sincerely believe in "love" at first sight, really I do. However, the process of falling in love is like being a physicists. You observe and make a premise/declaration then follow with evidence from various different angle to support your original claim and verify whether your premise is a standalone theory or not. As such, I will assume the "love" is there and true but I will be observant to collect enough data (feelings, foundation, visits, actions, behaviors, traits, common grounds, reliabilities, experience etc) to accurately verify that there is true love that lasts a lifetime. :) Cheers and Good luck.
macchiatolove macchiatolove 8 years
wait a second. You guys have met ONCE in two months (with plans for a second meeting) and have spent the rest of your 'relationship' on the phone or texting? I just want to make sure I understand. If this is the case, um, HUGGGEEE red flag for me. You've met once! sure, chemistry, you like each other, you get along really well. You might even secretly be thinking that you're falling in love. Telling the other person?! NO! I guess only you can really know, since I'm not part of the relationship, but I'd personally be concerned.
allieperez allieperez 8 years
I'm talking to a guy through text, facebook and the flirtation is there but can I define it as something....Not really. At least not yet. Texting really means nothing. In fact, I think he's getting kind of annoyed at just texting but I'm just not sure. We rarely meet up because of our schedules. Sorry to get off point but I thought the situations were somewhat similar. And to point out that if I can't even define what mine is maybe you should hold off on yours too. Even though he say he may be falling for you. I hope that helps. If not some advice on mine would be great.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
Im confused as to what "talking exclusively" mean aswell. It sounds really fishy. Its been 2 months, and you have been limited to text messages. People really need to step into reality.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
Yes its too soon, texting and passion and email arent enough.
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
Is he going to law school too?
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
I don't know if it was necessarily too soon for him to say the L word since I'm not part of this "relationship" but if you've only met face-to-face once it does wave some red flags. Is he the obsessive type? Does he thrive on fantasy and attach quickly, only to be let down when the relationship becomes more than cute texts and late night phone calls? And, I 2nd skigurl - what does "talking exclusively" mean?? That you're boyfriend and girlfriend or that you don't communicate with anyone else romantically? I wouldn't worry about it at this point - certainly don't tell him you love him if you don't - but if he shows signs of being nutty definitely break it off fast and be glad you were at a distance to begin with.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
This is barely a relationship that you're speaking of, you don't even know each other. Why are you so eager to be coupled up to someone you barely even know? I mean, can you even call him your boyfriend?
skigurl skigurl 8 years
"We've decided to talk exclusively" - ummm, what? internet dating kills me in this way it's a good way to MEET people, but not to carry on a real relationship what does that even mean anyway? i don't even "talk exclusively" with my actual real-life long term boyfriend...?
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