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You Asked: Is It Too Soon to Get Married?

Dear Sugar,
I am a 24-year-old and my boyfriend is 30. We met a year ago and our relationship is going really well. He recently proposed and although we have our ups and downs, I am happy, actually over the moon, that we have decided to get married. The problem is that I want us to get the right help/counseling before walking down the aisle. I'm a little hesitant because we haven't known each other that long, so my question for you is do you think a year is too soon to get married?
— Hesitant Hayden

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Hesitant Hayden,

There is no right or wrong time to get married — every couple is different as is every relationship. If you're still hesitant, which it sounds like you are, marriage counseling is a great idea. Before saying "I do," it's imperative to be on the same page about the tough topics such as money, religion, and family and really understanding what it means to love someone through sickness and in health. Now if that means you have a longer engagement, fine, have a long engagement, just be sure you completely understand how each other feels before committing.

No relationship is perfect, so you're really going to have to listen to your gut instinct on this one. If you're over the moon excited to spend the rest of your life with this man, then by all means, go for it! Sure, a year is a short amount of time in the long run, but when you know, you know. Good luck!

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Join The Conversation
Aphrosette Aphrosette 9 years
I was 23 when my now husband proposed at 28 we'd only known each other a year and 3 months. We too had our ups and downs (everyone does) but I truly can't imagine my life without him in it and never could. Where I live its not unusual to have a long engagement at least a year plus. If you want the counseling and to work those things out plan a longer engagement if you can, but if you're happy you're doing the right thing. There's also some really wonderful marriage prep courses that will help out their but they can be very hard to find. (And I don't mean you one day group thing but a one on one "counseling" time with a trained married couple that has been through it too.)
destinee72005 destinee72005 9 years
You know what only you can decide. But my opinion there's no set time for anything. I used to think every step of life had to be calculated but I gave up that theory when I saw how I planned my life and what really transpired. You can't put time on love. I recently met someone and get this after a month I not only moved in with him I up and left my life and moved to another country with him. Its not easy but I don't regret it at all. We only been together for five months and I've been living here for four. Many don't agree with it but you have to do what makes you happy and the counseling a great idea. Just make sure you know every side of him before you make that final decision.
layenya layenya 9 years
It all depends on the two of you. I am getting married in five days and we met less than a year ago. I am completely confident in our ability to stay together. We have done some premarital stuff and my dad is a minister so he talks with us often. We know eachothers financial history and both families support us. The only thing that I am stressing on is that our parents haven't met yet. They meet the night before our wedding! You just have to know and understand eachother. Discuss everything down to who will change the babies diapers at two am and who will pay for groceries vs paying the water bill. You two will be fine. Use your communtication skills that you have learned since you two have been together and be enthusiastic with the choices you make together. I am also twenty one and my husband to be is twenty five. Take all the time that you need. You will know when you have all the kinks out! Good luck!!
MissChita MissChita 9 years
Hello, Its going to take more than a year to really know someone, and no matter how long it takes you will never know a person FULLY. However, if you know you can share anything with that person, and he will do the same with you, and you are over the moon happy and all of that, then go for it! If you feel that he wants to marry you for the right reasons, and vice versa, then dont let your worries stop you. However, I agree that marriage counseling is a good idea. It does NOT mean that you all have problems, it means that you all want to make sure you know some of the 'big' issues that marriage entails and that you have a general idea on how you all would handle them together and if you could agree to disagree and all of that. Loving someone has no time limit or guideline. Trust God (always consult Him) follow your heart, and the rest will be fine. --Best of luck to you!!
jajilacubana jajilacubana 9 years
In my opinion i think u should wait because like u said u 2 r having some ups and downs and there's no need to get married right away. Getting married to soon could probably make the relationship worst, u two should just enjoy each others presence for now and get to now eachother more before taking the big step. The both of you don't know that much of one another u might think u do but u don't. And if u do get marry now you two would probably see something in eachother that you never seen before that you don't like. So, just take it slow to see where it leaves you two. But if u feel u can do it then go for it and congrats.
I've been engaged for 8 months, and there are no plans for getting married until well, my fiance gives the go ahead? Haha. I am ready for marriage, he is not just yet. We've been together for a year yesterday, and got engaged four months into the relationship, and 3 months ago, we moved in together. I knew he was the one, and is. I don't think it's too soon to get married, but I guess having that extra little time to get to know each other on a different level as an engaged couple, or maybe even moving in together (if you believe in that sort of thing) can solidify your decision to get married. I personally would not get married to my fiance if we didn't live together first. I think i'll want to do this for a while longer until I bring up the marriage issue again and demand he man up and we can decide on a date! =P
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
If you are hesitant than it's probably too soon to get married. Just have a long engagement. Go to counseling if he's up for it. Do things together and get to know each other better. You can make a decision later when it comes time to set a date, for now just enjoy each other.
kikidawn kikidawn 9 years
I don't think there is a set time of dating or a set age. Everyone is different. My parents got married after 3 months... just up and eloped! Totally surprised her parents lol :) My guy and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and probably won't get married for another 2 1/2 or so. Part of this has to do w/ the fact that we started dating at 15 and 16 and couldn't get married at the 1 or 2 year mark and the other part is that we aren't financially secure yet. I am only 21, but I am in college and he is too, but we aren't able to support ourselves completely yet so we are putting off marriage until then. If money wasn't part of it we'd already be married! The point is only you can decide for yourselves what is right! allien86 and angelfromlsu, we are using our dating anniversary too! I didn't realize that many people do that :) It's always been 'our day' so we aren't' going to change it :)
angelfromlsu angelfromlsu 9 years
allien86...I'm using my dating anniversary also!
allien86 allien86 9 years
I think it totally depends on you and him and your relationship. None of us know what your problems have been or how happy you are and how well you two are in a relationship. So definitely try counseling as it will allow you to talk about your future/any issues you may have with each other. Good luck to you all. P.S My man and I will be married exactly 3 years after our first date
annbaby annbaby 9 years
I do think that one year is a bit too short, but that really depends on you and him. Trust your feelings - if they tell you they need some time or reassurance, don't push yourself.
emalove emalove 9 years
Nobody can answer that question but you!!! If you are unsure or hesitant, then yes, it's probably too soon. But if you feel that it's the right step for the two of you, and he agrees to counseling, then go for it. It's a decision that only the two of you can make. And you're the only ones who know if it's the right one or not.
angelfromlsu angelfromlsu 9 years
Tip: Make sure you review each other's finances. No secrets!
stefsprl stefsprl 9 years
My husband and I got married when I was 24 and he was 29, and our wedding date was a year to the day after we met...there's no right age or length of time. Premarital counseling is a great idea, though -- we did that plus read some relationship books together before the wedding, and it was a good way to start out our married life together. Good luck to you guys!
angelfromlsu angelfromlsu 9 years
I'm on 7 years and getting married in 5 months.
leeluvfashion leeluvfashion 9 years
Personally, I would never marry a man unless we were together for a minimum of 2-1/2 years and that I was 100% percent sure that he was right for me and that we could last. I would definitely say counseling is a must.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
if you have doubts, then there is a problem.
shannonkay shannonkay 9 years
Counseling is always a good idea. I don't think a year is too short, and it's not like you're super young. But you would get to discuss your concerns and get advice on those things in counseling, in fact my church requires counseling for couples getting married there(even for those who are not part of the church and are just using our facilities).
sass317 sass317 9 years
My husband and I got engaged on our first anniversary and were engaged for 11 months, everyone seemed to think that was fine. My parents went from blind date to married in 6 months! They have been happily married for 31 years. Everyone is different. I think counseling is always a good idea before you get married, bc they know the things yall should discuss that might not occur to you.
ntshlv ntshlv 9 years
My mom and dad got married a year after they started dating, he was 24 and she was 22. They've been married for 30 years now and are still going strong. There's no right and wrong, if you feel it's right for you, just go for it... If you're feeling a little hesitant (sounds like you are), make it a long engagement. Take time planning everything, saving money. Just because you're enganged doesn't mean you have to get married right away. Don't listen to what other people think, just do what feels right for you and your fianceé. And congrats!!
ALSW ALSW 9 years
I think counselling is a great decision. It will really help the two fo you in your relationship. Don't jump into a quick marriage just because you're engaged! I got engaged after only a year of dating, but we were engaged for two years and I've never regretted that. It gave us a chance to focus on the wedding and the relationship. And I was married at 23! Just because others think that you're too young doesn't mean that you are. It's about the two of you and not everyone else.
getstinko getstinko 9 years
marriage is a life decision - take your time. marriages that last forever in the past were part of a social norm, these days there are so many conflicts - just be 100% sure, you are 24 - you could live until you are 100.
jaxon jaxon 9 years
I am not going to even read your story yet! But if you are asking then YES! Not b/c of length of relationship but b/c you obviously are not sure.
carhornsinapril carhornsinapril 9 years
another thought... it was great for my fiance and i to have the chance to work out some of our issues without the added pressure of having a marriage together. i'm nine years younger than he is, and it gave us the opportunity to work out the (few) issues that arised around that, and let me grow up a little on my own and as part of a couple. just some thoughts on how it's worked out for me.
carhornsinapril carhornsinapril 9 years
it's different for everyone. i knew within months that i was going to marry my fiance, but we still didn't get engaged for five years (and we're not getting married for another two!). everyone has their problems, but i'd make sure it's not dealbreaker stuff before actually tying the knot.
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