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You Asked: Will We Ever Be Friends Again?

Dear Sugar,

My best friend and I had a huge falling out over my birthday when she came back to our hometown. We never spoke again after that night — call it stubborn or call it "out of sight, out of mind," since she lives in San Diego and I'm in Hawaii. We were both drunk, and I said extremely hurtful things to her, as she did to me. It's been four months since our argument and I'm devastated. I miss my friend so much. I sent her an apology letter, but I'm afraid she won't respond or that she is over our friendship altogether. At the risk of sounding dramatic, this relationship means more to me than any male/boyfriend relationship ever has. I feel like my friend is my family and I am heartbroken. What should I do? — Crushed Casey

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Crushed Casey,

You do not sound dramatic at all! Fighting with your best friend can feel even worse than fighting with a boyfriend; I've been there so I can completely empathize with you. I think you've done the right thing by reaching out to her and apologizing. Friends fight, it's inevitable, but if you let things go too long, sometimes feuds, even unnecessary ones, can take on a life of their own and get completely out of control. So, that being said, you should feel good about stepping up to the plate and making the first move to mend things with her.

I'm not sure how long ago you sent the letter, but even if you know that she's received it, your friend might just need a little time to digest it and come up with her response. Chances are this is equally as painful for her as it is for you, so try not to assume the worst. If you're still anxious about it and just can't seem to let it go, I don't think there's anything wrong with giving her a call to follow up. At the end of the day Casey, all you can do is tell her that you're sorry and you love and miss her. If she needs more time to let the dust settle, you don't have a choice but to give it to her, but since she understandably means so much to you, I'd take every measure imaginable to salvage this relationship. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
JessiShaye JessiShaye 9 years
I had been friends with my best friend since I was 11. We got into a series of fights around my 20th birthday and the friendship never recovered. It was easy to forget about it because we didn't live in the same city anymore and work and school kept me busy. It started to catch up with me and tried on a series of occassions to reach out to her. She was always polite - it had been a year or so since I tried to talk to her since our fall out. I had said we should get together several times but she never followed through. If girls have "soulmate" best friends, she was definitely mine. I miss her all the time but feel that I pulled out the olive branch several times and she never took it. At that point, I think you have to let it go. I believe in fighting for any important relationship but I don't believe in begging. Don't beg for anything or anyone. No one that loves you should feel that you have to demean yourself to prove your guilt, loyalty or sincerity.
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
EEKKK!! She STILL hasn't called you back yet?!!! I wonder why? You reached out to her and told her what was up! I don't know though, if I were her, I'd forgive you!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Sometimes there is a cooling off period required before you can really forgive, forget and move on. If she doesn't respond to your letter, don't lose hope. Wait a few more months, and send her an offbeat, happy card or something. Eventually, you should give up, but if this person really means as much to you as it sounds like, I'd stick it out for a while.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
if ur really that close, i think u can fix things. u did the right thing send the apology letter. it may take some time, but she will probably forgive u, especially since the harsh words came from both of u :)
Anabellatc Anabellatc 9 years
I just had a fight with my really good friend. I am sure we'll get over it but it's only been 3 days and i miss her a lot. She still hasn't returned my calls but i'm sure she just needs time to cool off. I wish you the best, hope she comes around and your friendship still goes on for years!
clareberrys clareberrys 9 years
well, I went through a similar situation after my freshman year of college. Me and 3 of my girlfriends went to the beach for a week and stayed at my best friend's beach house. On the second to last day we were all really drunk and my friend came in and started going crazy and saying very hurtful things. The other 2 girls and I decided to leave the next day and then we didn't speak to her for 2.5 years!!! This past November I decided that I really missed having her around and so I contacted her. We started hanging out again and now everything is fine and the past is the past. SO there is hope! Just be yourself and tell her how you really miss her and I'm sure she'll come around. And if not - it's not the end of the world. At least you were able to have a great friendship with her while it lasted. Good luck!
yadiet yadiet 9 years
The same thing happen between me and my BFF, and now we don't talk. Kinda sucks. A friendship of over 7 years. But of course there was too much she said she said. And she apparently believed it all. Sucks. I miss her a lot. But I wasn't at fault. She never was the type of person that I can call and cry my eyes out too because she was always soo busy. But then again she always had time for others. When I confronted her about the situation she called me ignorant. And that really upset me even more. So I called it quits. If she didn't care than why should I. I hope your friendship with your friend comes together again. There is nothing better than having your girlfriend there. Take care and Good luck
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