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You Asked: Are We Growing Apart?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and he just doesn't seem to have any time for me anymore. He tells me everyday that he loves me, but I've only seen him twice over the past week. I feel like we are growing apart. I love him more than anything so can you tell me what I should do? Should I stay with him or let him go his way and I go mine? — At a Loss Laurie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear At a Loss Laurie,

Feeling like you're growing apart from the man you love is a terrible feeling, but let's make sure you're not over reacting here. Having to juggle work, family, friends and a relationship can be incredibly difficult, especially when you're trying to please everyone. Has he been over loaded with work or preoccupied with anything lately? Have you only felt the distance this week or has this been an ongoing issue?

When you're together with someone for three years, the honeymoon period can feel like a distant memory, but you can get the romance back with a little effort from both of you. Try making a few date nights per week so you're guaranteed time together. Add some excitement back into your relationship — surprise him with a candle lit dinner or take him away for the weekend so you can reconnect.

If your female intuition is telling you you're growing apart despite his efforts of telling you he loves you, the only thing you can do is talk to him about your feelings. Ask him what you can do to get things back on track but don't give up without putting up a fight. I wish you luck and hopefully you're just having an off week.


Join The Conversation
kythera kythera 9 years
Sounds like it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. In other words, a "stalemate". I agree with everyone up above me. Go for it girl! Good Luck!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
You said you love him more than anything. Why don't you try to work it out with him? If you're both willing, this issue it totally resolvable.
emalove emalove 9 years
It happens...and it's very natural for couples to grow apart over time. But talk to him and see where his head is at before you panic and get too upset.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
Communication is key!!!!
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 9 years
enh, I wouldn't say you are necessarily growing apart. Do you guys have things in common or does he usually do his thing and you do yours? And then when you see each other do you talk about everything and share your experiences with one another or is the conversations like "So.. how was snowboarding with your buddies on the weekend?" "Oh, it was good." You know what I mean? It's hard when there is a lot going on and you don't have enough time for each other, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you are growing apart. The communication piece needs to be stronger when quality time together is hard to work out. And date night idea is good because it makes both of you not book anything else on those nights and make time for each other.
cvandoorn cvandoorn 9 years
You need to talk to him about how you feel. Sometimes guys get so caught up with work that they don't realize they are not giving enough attention to other aspects of their life. Some more details in the post would also help...because if you guys have been fighting a lot, and he seems to be avoiding you, that's a whole other issue.
mcreverie mcreverie 9 years
I would like to know why you guys aren't seeing each other. Is it because of work? conflicting schedules? or just because someone "doesn't feel like" visting the other (I'm assuming you guys don't live together)? whatever the reason, you need to tell him how you feel, and set aside "date nights." even if that seems a little robotic, it needs to be done if you guys are really busy people. and i also hope you know its about quality, not quantity. on those times you do hang out, i hope you make it count.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 9 years
Well, there arent too many details in the post, so its hard to say. He could just be busy and have alot of other things occupying his time. Your best bet would be to just sit down and talk to him, he might have a perfectly reasonable explanation.
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