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You Asked: We Still Fight All the Time!

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together since our senior year in high school (five years), and we have never really gotten over the "fighting" stage. We fight about everything, stupid stuff, important stuff, and it doesn't take much to make either one of us angry or upset. We definitely are still in love, but the fighting is frustrating for both of us and sometimes we feel like it is uncontrollable, like it's just a bad habit we can't stop. It's starting to have an effect on every aspect of our relationship. We want to be together but what can we do to stop the fighting?
— Bickering Betty

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Bickering Betty,

Some couples fight just to rock the boat so ask yourself why you're really arguing. If it's just to get a raise out of each other so you can make up after all is said and done, realize that you could be jeopardizing the foundation of your relationship. If you're arguing because it's the only way you know how to communicate with one another, you might want to think about talking to someone about it.

All couples fight but when it starts interfering with the good parts of your relationship, it's gone too far. Since you're both so used to the cycle you've created, it's going to take some time to break it, but it can be done. When you feel a fight coming on, take a step back and try to actually talk to each other instead. Yelling and screaming about big or mundane issues never works — talking does. If you can agree to make an effort to use your inside voice, in time, your communication skills will get better and better. Love is the foundation of all relationships so keep working on it and hopefully you'll see a change sooner than later. Good luck.


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