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5 Simple Tips to Keep the Spark Alive After Moving In Together

You Asked: What Happened to the Honeymoon Period?

Dear Sugar--

Okay. I've never been in a genuine relationship before. I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now. We spend time together, we're intimate, and mature. But I have felt that the honeymoon stage of dating is over since I don't feel like he is trying to impress me anymore. Is it wrong to feel that way?

At the beginning of our relationship I went through financial problems and lost my job. He felt like I was shutting him out, but I didn't want him around because I was being negative. So we talked and worked it out. Then, a few months later he started being distant and less motivated. I honestly thought he was cheating and I confronted him, but he wasn't. He was just worried and stressed about things too.

The lease on his apartment is almost up and he wants to move in with me. We live about 20 - 30 min apart right now, and I drive to his place most of the time (which I don't like).

I would love to live with him, but I'm worried that if he moves in, he'll put forth even less effort. I don't want to nag, but I do want to communicate with him. I'm thinking about our future together, and am worried that we'll end up like one of those couples who gets a divorce. Any suggestions?

--Unsure Susie

To hear DEARSUGAR's snswer,

Dear Unsure Susie--

What you've come upon in your relationship is actually pretty common. When you're first dating someone, it's so emotional and exciting - you want to spend every minute together. Then your relationship turns into something different because you get comfortable with each other. This doesn't mean anything is wrong in your relationship per se, it just means you both have to put forth a little more effort to keep the fire alive.

Sit down together and talk about how you feel. Be completely honest and tell him about your hesitation of moving in together, that you're worried about this distance you feel in your relationship. Maybe he feels the same way, and then the two of you can come up with some creative ways to rekindle that spark you had in the beginning.

Whatever you do, DON'T let him move in if you are having doubts about your relationship. Living together won't cure your problems so be sure you are on the same page. Good luck Susie!

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lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
marriage isn't about impressing your partner, it's about creating a life together and being able to fully be yourself. if you need a room mate move in with him but don't expect him to change. you don't sound very intersted in him as a partner so that's about as far as i think you can take it.
Marci Marci 10 years
Well, I know for me I want to be with the person I don't feel any need to impress on a day to day basis. So keeping that in mind, I actually think it's a good sign that he doesn't feel he has to try so hard with you all the time. But I agree with Dear ahd honeysugar that you should have the conversation with him prior to his moving in. Get it all out on the table and decide from there.Good luck!
Marci Marci 10 years
Well, I know for me I want to be with the person I don't feel any need to impress on a day to day basis. So keeping that in mind, I actually think it's a good sign that he doesn't feel he has to try so hard with you all the time. But I agree with Dear ahd honeysugar that you should have the conversation with him prior to his moving in. Get it all out on the table and decide from there. Good luck!
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
Every couple goes through their ups and downs. There's no such thing as the perfect couple and it sounds like you two have had your share of obstacles but have overcome them. If you want to communicate more then you should take the initiative. Maybe he doesn't even realize that there's a communication problem or he's just not used to being open with anyone. Anyway like Dear Sugar said having this conversation before he moves in with you should clear things up and ease your doubts about your relationship's future. Its wise to be cautious but also you'll never know if it can work out unless you give it a try.
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