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You Asked: What Should I Know About Co-Habitating with my Boyfriend?

Dear Sugar--

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 years, all the while long distance, but we have always made it a rule to see each other at least twice a month. We have been living in different cities due to work and school, but he just got accepted into law school where I live, so he is finally moving to my city!! Obviously I am thrilled, but I would be naive if I expected the transition of living in separate cities to living together to be smooth sailing. Do you have any advice or tips I should keep in mind while he gets settled? --Proactive Patty

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Proactive Patty--

What exciting news for you! I am sure you are thrilled and I am so glad to hear that you are taking the mature and honest approach to this move. Although you have been together for many years, long distance relationships are extremely different than living in the same city, having the same friends, and most importantly, living together.

Since you will be experiencing such a shock to your relationship I think it would be a good idea to have a heart to heart before he moves in to establish some basic ground rules. The first thing I would suggest is to stop calling the city where you live your city. Your boyfriend could start to feel like he is invading your territory, which will lead to an uneven foundation for you to start your life together.

One great thing to remember is that your boyfriend will be spending a lot of time studying so you will still have your alone time. Law school is very demanding on time and energy, so be sure you give him some the support and space he needs during this stressful time.

Keep the lines of communication as open as possible. You are bound to still have arguments and instead of hanging up the phone after a fight and blowing off steam in your own way, you will have to adjust to working though your conflicts together.

Remember to respect each other and learn how to compromise. While leaving the cap off the toothpaste may be your biggest pet peeve, pick your battles and always come to the table with a suggestion to find your middle ground. Cohabitation isn't easy so don't be too hard on yourself if you hit some bumps along the road. Once you get in the groove, I am sure the six years of being apart will be well worth it in the end. Good luck.

daddio49 daddio49 10 years
Just remember, the first two or so months is the hardest. And don't forget, he is your boyfriend, but he is also your roommate. Don't nag him for stuff that you would quickly forgive a roommate for just because he is your boyfriend...and keep the lines of communication open. Most importantly, learn to laugh about the stupid fights that you will definitely have!
ashangel5002 ashangel5002 10 years
ashLEY I agree with pop. With my fiance and I things moved quickly so I can't say I know about the being apart as much as you. But he's in the Air Force and there was about 6 months when he was gone every other week. He's been in training for 3 weeks at a time etc. And during that period I was just always so excited to see him that nothing matter when he got home. Now... reality sets in. I'm not saying its bad.. it's just a lot different. You're going to be together ALL the time. He's going to barge in on you while you're taking a shower. Bug you about getting ready quicker, he'll leave the seat up I'm sure. For the most part these little things just make me laugh now...but the transition can be a little rough... make sure you each make time for yourselves. GOOD LUCK!
vmruby vmruby 10 years
How exciting for you!!!! I would have to say be patient, openminded and willing to make plenty of compromises. Two separate people with two very different personalities and habits, living together for the first time, is much,much different than living apart and it's a huge adjustment.Good Luck Patty!!!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
You say he's moving to your city. Is he moving into your apartment also? That part was less clear. Long distance for 6 years... wow. You must be so used to the excitement of seeing him. Reality could be a huge shocker for you. It's easy to ignore stuff about someone if you only see them 2 times a month. If he has habits that drive you bonkers they will start getting on your nerves. So just expect it and try not to freak. If he is moving into your place, try your best to make him feel it's his place too, like making room for any art or furniture he's attached to. Good luck.
StefaPie StefaPie 10 years
Just remember that there are things about him that are going to drive you insane, and you need to be able to freely communicate with him about them (oh, and it's better to go "i love it when you hang up your wet towel" instead of "why do you drop that on the floor?"). There are also going to be things that you do that are going to drive him insane, and you need to be willing to accept criticisim in order to learn to live together. Living with someone is totally different than any type of relationship. People have their own ways of doing things, and you're going to have to figure out what works for both of you.
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
I think andaman is right, being open and flexible is the key! Compromise is a must!
andaman andaman 10 years
six years is a long time. I think you know what each other like and don't like already. Living together is all about being flexible with one another. If he likes chinese and you want mexican then you have to aggree on something! Or if he wants to go for a hike and you want to go to the cinema??? You have to be utlra flexible. You also need to be supportive of one another. If you are down he needs to cheer you up instead of ignoring you, you know that sort of things. You also need to have your own life to enjoy being with someone. Don't spend all your time with him. Spend time with your school's friends also. Good luck with school.
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