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You Asked: What Should I Plan For Her Bachelorette Party?

Dear Sugar,

My long-time boyfriend’s only sister is getting married next year and she asked me to be her maid of honor. I’m absolutely thrilled and honored to be so involved with her wedding, as she’s an amazing woman. That being said, we are friendly, but we’re not best friends. In general, the bride-to-be doesn’t have any close friends outside of her family because she and her fiancé live a pretty isolated lifestyle — I think she asked me because she didn't have anyone else to ask.

This puts me in a really weird position when it comes to planning pre-wedding activities because the bride-to-be isn’t the party type. I want this genuinely sweet woman to have an amazing time celebrating her last days as a single girl but I have no idea what to plan for her bachelorette party. Do you have any suggestions? — Maid of Honor to Be Betsy

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Maid of Honor to Be Betsy,

Being someone's maid of honor is a great privilege, but it also comes with its fair share of pressure too. Since she doesn't have a large circle of friends and she's not the partying type, why don't you set up a spa day followed by a nice dinner out for her bachelorette party? Celebrating your last days of singledom doesn't need to be all about strip clubs, penis paraphernalia and alcohol; it can be just as fun to relax with family. If she doesn't want to go out at all, another fun option is to organize a potluck dinner followed by a night of girly movies in your sweatpants. Something to keep in mind: bachelorette parties don't have to be girl only events so you could always throw her a co-ed party!

The best advice I can give you is to listen to the clues she gives out and go from there. If you take her personality into play, I'm sure anything you plan will be a great way to ring in her new wife status! Have fun!


Mammapato Mammapato 8 years
I am getting married in Septemeber. And I am telling my MOH what to plan! LOL. I want to go out with all the girls and dress up in night gowns, BIG 80's style hair, make up, and feather boas and go bowling!!! I think it would be a blast. We can have drinks if we want and those girls that aren't yet 21, can have a blast too! If she is really not at all the outgoing and (boring) quiet type, take her to something fun for ladies. Think spa party to try out different hair styles, art gallery to think up newly wed pads' deco, lunch at a really different type of restuarant. If you do it small, you can use it as a "wedding planning party" and go over details. Most brides think about that 24/7 anyway. One last thing: Are you SURE you are supposed to be planning the BP? Maybe she would rather do just a bridal shower? Also, were you asked to plan these? They might be taken care of already.
reesiekitty reesiekitty 8 years
I agree- ask her what she DOESN'T like and then surprise her with something nice! Personally, I always think a spa party is a nice option, just because everyone wants to be as relaxed and pampered as possible before the wedding day. Also, it is not TOO personal if she is not really close with you or a lot of people- it might be a very nice, comfortable way for all of you to bond a little more- whether its just you, her and her mom or you and some other friends/acquaintances. Some of these other suggestions sound really fun to me, but since you don't know her well, I would go for the safer bet.
ingalinnea ingalinnea 8 years
When I was MOH for my BF we did a high ropes course at a local camp. It was tons of fun, and something we wouldn't do everyday. Now that I am engaged, and we are planning mine, we have come up with some fun goofy ideas like a trail ride or a day at a waterpark/themepark. It is just an excuse to have a great time with some good friends!
estella241 estella241 8 years
I am a lot like the bride in this scenario, so my maid of honor and I had girls night out just the two of us. It was a lot of fun and just what I wanted, with no pressure or penis paraphernalia. We had dinner and hit up some bars and danced our pants off. I like the idea of asking her what she definitely does NOT want, and then inviting some of her coworkers or mutual friends to whatever you decide on. It doesn't have to be a wild event, just something that shows you care about making this time in her life memorable and fun.
SusanTeufel SusanTeufel 8 years
My MOH and I went out to dinner, went to a movie, then played Wii until 4 AM.
stumbler02 stumbler02 8 years
Deidre posted some great advice: "make sure you know what she DOESN'T want. Ask what her absolute no-nos are, and you can go from there." I think you should definitely ask her something like this. that way you can make the special day a surprise, but also not make it a disaster for her.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
I agree with Skigirl. Why dont you just ask her what she would like to do? Maybe shed be perfectly happy just going out to dinner with her friends/family. Or maybe shes really wanting to cut loose for the night. Just go to her with a few well thought out ideas and ask her wich she likes best.
sass317 sass317 8 years
Since all of my bridesmaids all lived out of town I had a really fun Martini shower at my moms friends house. Some of my high school friends came, along with my mom's more outgoing friends- it was a riot. I didnt want to go to a strip club lugging around a giant inflatable penis anyway.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Spa weekend!
kristyy kristyy 8 years
Ask her! My friend wanted to do the whole Vegas thing. But when it was my turn, I wanted something more local and relaxed. So we did a weekend spa thing with shopping, dinner at a great restaurant, and a nice lunch at one of those English tea houses. It was definitely a girls' getaway!
momma-tikita momma-tikita 8 years
I read the post the "strippie" part was a joke... skigurl I agree with the illusions hotels give! It can be lots of fun.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
spas are also a great idea if they are in the budget and also jewelry making. for my aunts wedding we all had a big sleepover and we had snacks, drinks, and we made jewelry for everyone to keep as a reminder of the day. theres so many options.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
i also like the weekend away option, even if that means movies in the hotel, shopping, dinners, and just good ol fashion girl time! this can also be done in your own city because hotels give the illusion of a vacation regardless of how far you are from home!
queenlizzie queenlizzie 8 years
Umm, if she's not a party girl, it's unlikely a "strippie" is going to be fun for her. Talk about uncomfortable. A good friend of mine is getting married in a few months, and the bachelorette party is an old school sleepover--pizza, sodas, silly string, truth or dare, that kind of thing. We're all nearing 30 or over 30, and we're all looking forward to it a lot!
momma-tikita momma-tikita 8 years
weekend gataways are nice! I like that idea... beter option..weekend getaway and a strippie ;)
Deidre Deidre 8 years
Wineries and spa weekends are definitely the first choices that come to mind when you mention a bride who's not so into partying. Seems like the other posters are on board with that suggestion too! But, if that proves to be to expensive, or she wants something even more could always hold a good ol' fashioned sleepover. And by that, I mean the kind you had when you were 12: get lots of sappy rom-coms, order pizza, play Light-as-a-Feather-Stiff-as-a-Board or Truth or Dare, crank call the fiance, get a ton of bad makeup/hair stuff and do crazy makeovers. Really, all you have to do is ask your friend what she'd be into. But my biggest recommendation -- make sure you know what she DOESN'T want. Ask what her absolute no-nos are, and you can go from there.
SaRaH-22 SaRaH-22 8 years
spa days are nice too!
Hanna1117 Hanna1117 8 years
Plan a scavenger hunt for and a few of her friends pile into a car and she has to figure out where the next stop is by the clues you leave her. At each stop could be a gift + a clue if you wanted to. End up at a fun restaurant (or hotel) to hang at for the night.
kia kia 8 years
For the girl without too large of an inner circle... how about a trip? Weekend getaway (tailored to her interests of course). Zumanity is the "naughty" Cirque du Soleil show in Las Vegas. Or a spa weekend? Do something tailored to her wishes and invite her inner circle... it can last a weekend, it can be for a brief meal. Just make sure she is treated like a rock star.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
i'm going to be the maid of honor at my cousins wedding, and while she has a lot of friends shes more lowkey as well. what I am going to plan for her is a nice dinner and a hotel room for all of her close female friends so we can all be together for the night. she's not really a party kind of girl. theres so many things you can do... maybe plan a dinner and a night at a comedy club or a hotel room where you can just have fun... plan out games and maybe facials or something to make the night interesting. you can also get in touch with the other bridesmaids and maybe even the bride herself to make sure shes comfortable with the plans or if there is anything in particular that she has in mind.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
come up with a few options like those that Dear suggested, what leb357 suggested, and i'm sure what others will continue to suggest...and then approach her. come equipped with a list, to show you've put thought into it and to show you care, but let her be involved in the planning processes. say that you want her to have a genuinely awesome time and you'd like her opinion on what you do. if she's not a huge partier, i doubt she would want a giant girls night out at a strip club...BUT you never know...maybe she's dying to let her wild side shine one last time and she'll be disapointed if you give her a "lame" spa day. or maybe she is praying you won't feed her tequila and make her look at naked men all night so she'll be so thrilled about the concept of a "quiet" day with the girls. just read her cues and come right out and ask for her opinion on some of your ideas. this way she's not planning her own party, but she has the option of giving her opinion on already thought out options. secondly, i have a work friend who was in a wedding party of girl who also didn't have many close girl friends and the ones she did have were pretty moms and wives who didn't want to party EVER. so she solicited a couple of us girls from work who are great partiers and asked us to come too. she figured even if we weren't super close, we knew how to have a good time, and at least it would give the illusion of an awesome night out. plus, with a couple drinks in you, everyone is friendly! so if you're not sure who to invite, invite a couple of people who know her but may not necessarily be close know the type who will work - the type who can have fun anywhere and with anyone!
krae85 krae85 8 years
does it have to be a party? what about having a girls' lunch at a nice restaurant? bring cute presents, maybe some classy lingerie or just nice bath products and class it up. I HATE the Penis Parties girls have today, the last BP I went to, they had penis straws and I said.. never again! also- when I got married this summer, a lot of my girlfriends live out of town or out of state and didn't come earlier enough for my BP, so my MOH and I just had dinner and a movie, it was fun!
leb357 leb357 8 years
I live near a wine region in upstate New York, the Finger Lakes, and a TON of women have bachelorette parties at the wineries. They go on a daylong tour, sometimes in a limo and sometimes not. While some have the penis paraphernalia on (SO tacky), you could just as easily make that a nice outing without the "party" aspect. You may not have the Finger Lakes or Napa Valley at your disposal, but there is likely a few wineries near you.
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