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You Asked: What Went Wrong?

Dear Sugar--

When I started dating my boyfriend we both verbalized that we wanted to someday get married. After 1 year of dating, I asked how he felt and he said it was too soon to tell if he wanted to get married. That concerned me so I asked him to not string me along if he knew for sure that marriage was never a possibility. I brought it up several times and he assured me that he wasn't using me.

A few weeks ago, after we had had a few drinks, I asked him again and he said that he didn't think he ever wanted to get married! I was obviously very upset by his sudden change of heart and stormed home. He tried contacting me but I ignored his attempts until 2 weeks ago. I called him back but he has never returned my phone call. Why would a man do such a thing? -- Let Down Lana

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Let Down Lana --

I am sorry you're hurting right now, but it's pretty clear that you and your boyfriend are simply not on the same page in terms of what you want for your future. Look at this break up as a blessing in disguise. The thing is, a lot of women want the fairy tale wedding but men just don't have the same fantasy. Guys are easily spooked by the future, and being locked into a relationship if it doesn't feel right to them so incessantly talking about the future is bound to make him run for the hills. While it's important to know whether your boyfriend believes in marriage before you get too serious, less is absolutely more when broaching the subject.

With that said, I do think it was in poor form of this guy to lead you on and make you believe you two had a future together when he clearly didn't have any intention of following through with his word. If what you really want is a marriage, you'll be better off if this guy never returns your message. You can't change people so when you're ready to get back out there, take things slow and enjoy the present instead of getting too caught up in the future. Good luck.

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