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You Asked: Where Did the Fun Go?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been fighting over the stupidest little things lately. We have been together just over ten months and it seems like we are almost at a make it or break it point. We both realize there is no actual problem with our relationship except that we take things too seriously. We tend to be on the defensive a lot and never joke around as much anymore. I basically think our relationship is lacking fun. We don't goof around as much, at least not in my boyfriend's opinion so I feel I need to find a way to lighten up the mood a bit. I really want this to work, and so does he, so any advice would be really appreciated. — Lackluster Leslie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Lackluster Leslie,

All relationships have their ups and downs so it could be that you guys are just on the downward swing. Some couples also experience a rough patch close to the year mark when they realize that their relationship is no longer just fun and games, but rather a long term, committed relationship where the next step could be marriage.

Since you both want to make this work, try taking a break from the norm. Go away for the weekend, spice things up in the bedroom or try to act a little more silly while you're both at home hanging out — it sounds as though you're simply stuck in a rut. Keep the lines of communication open and try to get to the bottom of why you've both become so serious. If there's an underlying reason, this could all be about resentment so make sure you're talking to each other. At the end of the day, you both need to be devoted to making this relationship instead of breaking it. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
Kat-E Kat-E 8 years
Oh man...I'm in the same boat ladies, at the 11 month point. It's scary being with someone that long in my opinion, and I can't believe how much of an "us" we have become. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way too. This is where the real work of relationships come into play...
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
This is a pretty common thing in relationships especially after the winter. Just try to have more fun and see if things get better. It's really just a matter of putting in some effort. Things can be fixed if you really work at it.
mlen mlen 9 years
my prob always is that once i am in a fight with the bf then i hold onto it and more and more things add onto it and i just dig a deeper annoyance at him!! make sure you take the time to get over the fight and then let it go- don't hold onto it! and as for the lacking fun part- sometimes fun actually takes work! so beside the spicing up the bedroom part (always good!) think of some fun activities where you really can just have fun. silly stuff. summer is coming- go to the beach or the boardwalk or an amusement park or whatever- somewhere you can totally just let go and play and have fun together!
MissMeow MissMeow 9 years
I fight with this allll the time. I take things too seriously, and end up pushing my guy away because I nitpick over the little things. My advice is that if you feel yourself getting frustrated, stop, step back and look at the situation. Ask yourself - is this worth being upset over? If he's doing something really damaging to the relationship, then you have a right to get upset. If its something stupid like "you didn't call me five times today", then don't bother. I try to remember the way things were at the beginning of the relationship, and how much fun I had then.
WiCkeD_LaDy WiCkeD_LaDy 9 years
Thanks for the advice guys, I'm passing for the same thing right know with a 9 month relations ship, and I really want to work thing out..... maybe the "being serious" part is my problem....
Emiily Emiily 9 years
OMG Me too CaterpillarGirl!!!! I take EVERYTHING personal. I am constantly telling him, "Don't talk to me like that." While I am being rude myself because I am starting a fight by blowing things out of proportion. I told him that I deserve the best so I think that I have the right to get on him about everything I don't like. But I forgot that there are some things you just need to let go. We had been fighting for weeks, yesterday and the night before we kissed and made up. Spicing up things in the bedroom works. We had the most incredible sex when we first got to his apartment. We let out all of our anger and turned it into positive stress releasing energy. I love him! But we do have nit picking fights, hopefully you'll be able to move past things!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
happens to everyone. You just have to step back and not take things personally. If i had a dime for everytime i have said "dont talk to me like that" i would be rich
mcreverie mcreverie 9 years
my bf and i just went thru the same thing (and it's funny that we're also at the 10-month mark). fighting over little things can mean many different things for people - after really thinking it through, it seems my reason was I've been fighting alot because I really love my bf, and I just wanted to make sure we were going down a great path, so I was beginning to MICROMANAGE the relationship, which is never good. you both just need to sit down together and maybe vow to actively try to just ENJOY each other's company, and have fun being in love! fighting over little things is common and may not necessarily spell out trouble. BUT if you can't enjoy each other's company anymore, then that would be a red flag.
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend and have been for a while. You just have to decide if you want to be with this person and acknowledge the hard work you have in store. Not all relationshps coast smoothly. It sounds to me like you are just getting over the so called "honeymoon" phase and reality is starting to kick in. Love does conquer most things but I think determination paired with patience and understanding is what will really help you now. Learn to let go of the small petty things you continually argue about and push your pride back. You know a relationship is like a journey. I don't know about you but I want mine to have some twists and turns, some rocky areas and of course some smooth pavement. You can learn to avoid the twists and turns by focusing your attention straight ahead. You can learn to use the rocks as stepping stones. You can learn to appreciate the smooth pavement because you have experienced the twists and turns and rocky areas; they've taught you to value what comes easy because more often than not it is rarely an easy path we travel. It sounds to me like you are willing to work to make this relationship stick. So that's what is going to help you most. Just chill with the small issues you have and focus on the great things about your boyfriend. Good Luck!
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