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You Asked: Where Do We Stand?

Dear Sugar,

I'm recently single after being married for eight years. My husband had been seeing another woman and left me for her. During the past year, I became friends with one of my customers from my store. I was instantly attracted to him but did not let it go past friendship because I was still technically married. After my husband left, this man and I became closer than ever and we are now intimate. He calls me on a daily basis and we go out at least once a week. I love how close we are but my problem is I'm not sure where we stand and I'm afraid of scaring him off by asking. I know it's fast to start a relationship so soon after separating from my husband, but I feel that this man is the one for me. Any advice? — Ready to Roll Ronda

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Ready to Roll Ronda,

I am sorry to hear about your split from your husband, but it sounds like it was for the best. The good news is you've met someone you like spending time with and I'm glad to hear that you took things slowly in the beginning and got to know each other as friends first. Since you're newly single, I advise you to continue on the slow path but I think it's important to establish where exactly you stand with this man. Since you're only seeing each other once a week, make sure you're on the same page when it comes to dating other people and what your expectations are for the future. Trust and honesty is a big part of being in a successful relationship so although you fear scaring him away, you need to know the truth. If you approach the subject in a laid back manner, I don't think he'll panic and who knows, he might be waiting for you to come to him to ask the same question! Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.


Join The Conversation
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
If you don't know where you stand, it's probably because it's too early. Your new man probably doesn't know either. Just let the relationship develop. Whatever will be, will be.
Meike Meike 9 years
Hmm...take it nice and slow, definitely. It may be that your emotions about him are amplified by the fact that, well, you're recently single. Maybe you're still hurt by your husband and you miss the company of having a lover. Consequently, you think he is 'the one'. Then again, who am I to talk. Sometimes a girl can know 'the one' is 'the one'. There isn't a defined time line for that. A person either knows or or doesn't know and this epiphany can strike anyone at anytime.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
i say u just take it as it comes to u. no need to label things right now. the only concern i think u should have ( if ur sleeping together) is u need to talk about being exclusive. i think its yuck to be sleeping with a man whos sleeping with other women, not knowing their sexual practices, especially when u can never be sure if they're having safe sex. u dont know what he can catch and give to u. otherwise, dont deal with the are we dating? am i ur girlfriend? is this going anywhere? if u feel good with him, taking things slow is always key =) good luck
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
How the hell can you be intimate with someone and not have anything established? Do you want to be hurt again? Think with your head, honey!
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 9 years
I agree with Dear. Nice & slow, no need rush. Try to just enjoy this time instead & see where it takes the two of you.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Hold your horses. You are recovering from a divorce, you barely see this guy and you already think he's "the one"? I'm sure you have established a connection but if you aren't even sure you are dating, thinking he's "the one" seems a bit extreme. And if you don't feel you can ask him, it's even more extreme! I can't imagine thinking someone was "the one" and not even being able to ask the person what the relationship is.
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
Okay it's Monday...haha and already a typo "definitely establish where*
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
Open communication is so important, even in a brand new relationship with someone. I agree with Dear, take it slow but definitely establish when you both stand. Good Luck!
KrissyThePirate KrissyThePirate 9 years
Thank goodness for this...I'm in a very similar situation--not eight years, but a little over 2 and we were living together when a co-worker and I became friends. Instantly attracted, but took things slow as I was breaking up and moving out. It's been a year now, and now we're intimate as well--but it's been really slow. We talk on the phone almost everyday and make the effort to see eachother at least once a week (grad school, work, you know?). I constantly want to ask what exactly we have going on, because I know I want this. I want to tell him how much I feel for him to, and that I've simply been falling for him more and more---but good lord, I'm just so scared! I guess I should listen to the advice you 3 have given so far--sit back enjoy and take it slow.
1QTPIE 1QTPIE 9 years
I agree.... continue to take it slow and get the understanding. Good luck.
clareberrys clareberrys 9 years
I agree with Dear....definitely take it slow, which you already know....I hope everything works out for you!
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