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You Asked: Where is he?

Dear Sugar--

I have been dating for years, but I constantly feel like I am coming up short. I am a hopeless romantic and want it all; the white picket fence, 2 1/2 kids, a dog and a cat, etc. but I haven't met a man that even comes close to what I have always imagined my future husband to be. I don't want to end up alone, but I also don't want to settle for less than what I had always hoped and dreamed for my life. Please help! --I'm Not Settling Nadine

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear I'm Not Settling Nadine--

Ahhh, the white picket fence and 2 1/2 kids -- well, while that sounds ideal to you now, unfortunately that picture perfect world only exists in fairy tales. I am all for dreaming big about your future, aiming for the stars and not lowering your standards, but what you need to find is what is ideal for you, not what movies and television shows portray as "happily ever after."

Are you open to being set up? Have you asked any friends or coworkers to fix you up with someone that fits your criteria? There are a plethora of dating websites out there that are made specifically for people to find their perfect match, so that might be a good place to start. When you date these men, are you giving yourself enough time to really get to know them, or are you possibly being too hasty and writing them off too soon? Remember that it takes some time for people's true colors to shine.

Dating is really a great time to get to know a lot about yourself, so try to let your guard down, little by little, and see if the white picket fence is really what you want after all. There might be a very good reason why you feel like you are constantly coming up short -- perhaps it's because no one is perfect, but Nadine, there is someone out there who is perfect for you, you just need to be open to looking outside your comfort zone. As the great E. Jean states, meeting a good guy is like a numbers game if you surround yourself with like-minded men. Don't give up, you will find your price charming soon enough. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
kayden kayden 10 years
I reccomend two books- "Dating Without Drama" "Better Single Than Sorry" You can google these books.. Keep your head up and continue to date. Join clubs, go to events and take up a hobby where you will meet great guys. Don't settle at all!!
kris32x kris32x 10 years
my advice is..stop looking!! everyone says when you are not looking, you will find him. i was in the same situation, after dating a bunch of losers I just gave up. i dated tons of guys but wasnt trying to have anything serious with any of them. i just wanted to meet tons of new people and go out and have fun. then of course- i met a wonderful guy who wanted to settle down with me. i think when you are "looking" you give men a certain vibe and they know it, but when you arent, all men see is that you are an awesome girl. you are your true self when you arent looking because you arent worried about judging every guy you meet. they can sense you sizeing them up. so dont! dont worry it will happen for you! =)
Ladytronic Ladytronic 10 years
I am friends with a wise old french lady who has been married for over 50 years, her reason for all the divorce is " young people expect too much from a mate" You are not alone,many expect the mate to be everything rolled up in a hot package,they are expected to mow the yard,be your best girlfriend confidant, bring home a paycheck etc. etc. Don't cheat yourself just expect a simple life and a realistic husband, he will be a person too , a fallible human. I mean would you like to be held up to perfect standards?
nessabum nessabum 10 years
Mr. Right is not going to be Mr. Perfect. Mr. Right just means that he's the best he can be for you. i'm not saying, lower your standards--just be accepting of the others' faults unless they are just terrible.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
. Trying to be an end to the rogue italicization. Hope it worked.


I think there are different versions of settling. There's the "realizing you might not get Brad Pitt" settling, and then there's the "I don't want to be alone so even though this guy is a cheater I'm just going to marry him." I think the former is okay but the latter isn't good.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
What? There is no Mr. Right? Damnit, all these years of high standards... LOL All joking aside there is no Mr. Right, but there is Mr. Right for you, but the rest are right when they say to stop looking and focus on you -- he will come.
fab4 fab4 10 years
i totally agree with bfly1133. Focus your energy on your friends, family career and YOURSELF. Maybe now isn't the right time for you to be in a relationship. When it is supposed to happen it will. What they say is true: It happens when you least expect it. I was 26 before he came along and I thought it would never happen!
Emmamel Emmamel 10 years
Mr.right or perfect doesn't exist.he lives only in our dreams you may get blessed and get someone close to your expectations of perfect but one can never get a total mr.right.give some one a chance and you may just be pleasantly surprised what you discover you might have missed will happen for you.afterall there is somebody for someone for us all.all the best on your search
bfly1133 bfly1133 10 years
The biggest advice I can offer is stop looking for Mr. Right. (I know it is easier said than done.) He never comes when you are endlessly searching for him. When you are focused on your friends, family, hobbies, etc. he will show up. He might not sweep you off your feet, and he most definitely won't be perfect, but he will add to the joy and excitement of your life. Before he can come into the picture, you need to find yourself, be happy with yourself, and have a life of your own.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
okay, but what happens when you and your perfect husband don't have time for sex because your chasing after your two perfect children who are running around the house chasing the dog and cat while Cheetos stains get on the couch and chocolate milk gets spilled on the counter? C'mon now! Has your life been a dream the whole time? I doubt it. Just because you put a ring on your finger does not mean that all problems will go away, everyone will be happy forever and the sun will shine all day, everyday. Even if you have all that you want, nothing will ever be perfect because we will always have the realities of life to deal with. Even if your husband is a hot shot investment banker with a fat account and golden locks, he could be a total cheater or be really nasty to people. If no one is perfect, then expect that and take a reality pill before dismissing so many guys. Date different guys and you'll find your man. Remember Charlotte in Sex and the City and how she thought she found her Prince Charming in Trey? hmmm...we all saw how that one turned out (he was impotent and a serious mama's boy)! It ended up being Harry, the not-so-hot lawyer with a bald head that turned out to be the real deal. Appearences can be deceiving so make sure you know what you're getting. Good luck!
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