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You Asked: Why Am I Still Thinking About Him?

Dear Sugar,

About two years ago, I started dating a guy who I was head over heels about. We had so much in common and I loved being with him. For some reason, I got super insecure in the relationship, and he eventually broke up with me.

About six months later we made an attempt at reconciliation, where all I did was try to be patient and apologize, and he completely took advantage of my insecurities and treated me like crap. He was mean and horrible and refused to try to work on things with me. To make a long story short, we eventually stopped speaking.

It's been about nine months since we spoke, and he destroyed me, but for some reason, I still compare every guy to him, him being compared favorably! I don't understand why I can't get over this or what is wrong with me. Any advice or suggestions? — Stuck in the Past Paula

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Stuck in the Past Paula,

It's really easy to idealize a past relationship, but it's important to be realistic about your ex. Although you did have good times together, you need to remember that when it came down to it, he didn't treat you in the way you deserved to be treated. We all have ex boyfriends and, in order to learn what it is that we want and don't want out of our next relationship, listen to the lessons you learned.

It's perfectly normal to compare boyfriends, but be true to who they were. If you only focus on their best qualities, you aren't being fair to yourself or your new flame. Since you are still favoring your ex boyfriend out of these comparisons, it's pretty clear that you are not quite ready to let go of your past. Time is a great healer and remember E. Jean's advice, finding a good guy is just a numbers game. Make yourself available and remember that you're going to have to kiss some frogs before you find your prince, but sooner than later your ex will be a part of your distant past. Good luck.


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