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You Asked: Why Doesn't He Trust Me?

You Asked: Why Doesn't He Trust Me?

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for two years and despite never cheating on him, he still doubts the things I tell him. He questions where I've been and pulls me closer whenever he feels intimidated by another guy. He says he has been cheated on by other girls in the past, but that was years ago and I feel like I'm paying for their mistakes! How can I get him to understand that I am loyal? Just telling him that I love him isn't working. — Fed up Fionna

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Fed up Fionna,

It sounds like your boyfriend is an incredibly jealous man who clearly has some unresolved issues from his past. Just because he has been with women who have cheated on him, it's not fair for him to always assume the worst of you, especially if you've never given him a reason to doubt you. It's time for a serious heart to heart.

Tell him that you're sick of his accusations. Make him understand how unfair he is being towards you and if he doesn't start making changes, he's going to sabotage your relationship. Giving your boyfriend reassurances of your love is important, but if your actions and words are not enough for him, I don't know what else there is you can do. Has he thought about seeing a therapist to get to the bottom of his pain from the past? If not, I would encourage him to talk about his fears with a professional so he can leave the past where it belongs. If your talk doesn't make him realize how his interrogations are affecting you, you might want to separate until he can get a grasp of his insecurities. I wish you both luck.


Join The Conversation
tinyspark tinyspark 9 years
My boyfriend does not question where I have been, nor does he mind me talking to other guys because he is a mature, secure adult. Dump his ass already. Guys like that will just cause you immense pain.
bettyboutique bettyboutique 9 years
I know it is hard to trust someone after you have been cheated on but come on now... this is a bit much... trust is a HUGE thing... if he can't trust you then you guys shouldnt be together. You are NOT all those other girls. You are a new girl who cares about him... unless you have done something to make him not trust you he has no reason for this. definately agreeing with the RED FLAG get out now if you want to have a healthy relationship. Tell him you can't deal with the fact that he is trying to control your life. Tell him too look at himself and see how psycho he is. Then maybe he'll clue in...if not get out while you can it will only end badly.
sass317 sass317 9 years
You cant punish your current partner for the sins of past partners- that is the easiest way to destroy a relationship. After two years of having no reason to doubt your feelings for him, its obvious he is never going to learn. I say cut your loses and find someone who will love, respect and trust you.
chakra_healer chakra_healer 9 years
He does it because you allowed it to happen the first time without telling him to respect and trust you. Whatever his issues, you have to be able to correct him, or anyone, when they step over the line.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
What i want to understand is, why do you put up with it? why is it worth it to put up with him and his issues? It doesn't seem like he's working on it now does it?
Sweet-Tea Sweet-Tea 9 years
I agree with DS that y'all need to chat.I'm with my experience, guys who are doubtful of fidelity without any cause or evidence, generally have had a wandering eye themselves. Don't accept less than what you deserve.
stefsprl stefsprl 9 years
I was with a guy who had been hurt in the past and it ended up ruining our relationship. Anytime any issue came up we had the "Well, I've been hurt in the past..." talk, and after seven months I got fed up and broke up with him. A friend gave me the best advice: If he's spending all his time comparing you to another girl who has hurt him, then he's not getting to know you for who you are, and he doesn't deserve you. That gave me the strength to dump him and find an emotionally healthy guy, and I don't regret it for a moment!
sugarbritches sugarbritches 9 years
He's a jealous prick who's using the excuse that he's been heartbroken before to justify his nasty habits now. Also, since you haven't given him any reason not to trust you and he still behaves this way I would say that he's not trustworthy himself.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
RED FLAG!!!!!!! Women really need to pay more attention to red flags before they embark in a commited relationship. This is a classic case scenario in which you probably should have run for the hills 2 years ago when you started seeing the signs of his jealousy and possesiveness. First of all I call BS on the whole I been cheated on before crap. That's just the crap he chooses to feed you because your naive enough to buy it! HELLO he's been with you for two years so obviously he hasn't even recently been cheated on nor should he be dwelling on some crap from years ago! Get out now this will in no way get better situations like this always get worse which I'm sure you've seen for yourself over the past 2 years. Don't let this get physically abusive. Good Luck!!!
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
This is a prime example of dating a man with extra baggage. He's either insecure and leaving in the past or he's cheating on you. Either was its all terrible.
Random2 Random2 9 years
Wow, it sounds like he has some serious trust issues. You need to talk to him about this, and tell him how it's affecting you and your relationship with him. If he doesn't change, it might be best to consider moving on. Things won't get better as time goes by.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I agree with DS. His issues are affecting your life and it is time to let him know that unless he changes his jealous ways he will lose you forever.
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