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You Asked: Why Hasn't He Closed His Online Dating Account?

You Asked: Why Hasn't He Closed His Online Dating Account?

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating someone for almost two months now, and I'm really starting to fall for him. He had a profile on an online dating website, but that wasn't how we met — he was someone from my past who reappeared on his own. In the almost two months we have been together, I have checked his profile and noticed that he has been on the website numerous times. I can't help but have hurt feelings that he hasn't closed his account. I just feel like if he were really into me, he would have changed his profile from single to in a relationship. Should I ask him to? Is he looking for other women? Are we on two different pages? I'm just so confused by this. — I'm Hurt Helen

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear I'm Hurt Helen,

I don't blame you for having hurt feelings by the fact that your boyfriend still claims to be single, which is why I advise you to broach the subject with him ASAP. It's easy to jump to conclusions here, but try not to assume the worst just yet.

Since you're having to snoop on him online, I have to ask you if there's something else going on here. Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him? Has his behavior toward you changed in any way? If so, I think it would be best to talk to him face to face about his feelings toward you before going behind his back any more. It's important to feel secure in your relationship, so hopefully a good heart to heart will set your mind at ease. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
skigurl skigurl 8 years
dm8bri, i second that motion
macchiatolove macchiatolove 8 years
I think I'd just have a discussion with him about whether you are official, and set boundaries about what is acceptable and what is not. See if he's dating other people, whether he wants to be exclusive... whatever. You just need to discuss it with him so that you know what he's actually thinking
soccerfreak soccerfreak 8 years
You have only been dating for two months. If I understand the situation correctly, you have not had an "are we exclusive" discussion, so what is the problem. I have dated guys who didn't take down dating profiles ever, or didn't take em down for months, heck my fiance still has his posted on a free site from a a year ago. We met at school shortly after he posted it, and have been together for a year and a half. I doubt he even knows its still up, and I could see if it has been active recently, but I don't bother because he would never do that to me. My point is not having a dating profile posted, doesn't mean he isn't dating other just means you know he is definitely dating other people! So go date some yourself and have a good time!
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
My advice has already been said a bunch of times, but I would like to add that I think internet "dating" is creepy.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 8 years
I'm sorry but 2 months is nothing. It completely depends on how serious you BOTH are - Has he said he wants to be exclusive? Are you talking about moving in together? Have you said the "L" word yet? If no to all of the above, then I see it as only natural that he keeps it open.
starangel82 starangel82 8 years
Just talk to him. That's the only way you are going to get the truth.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
I think it's harmless and agree with PopGoesTheWorld on this one. If you two are exclusive then maybe it might be an issue but even then I would only be upset if he was actually communicating with other women. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now but I still browse OKCupid just for fun. Mainly to remind myself just how flipping lucky I am! I do have my status as "Taken" on there and I would never think about messaging anyone - so I really don't see the harm.
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
Why don't you just ask him? This reminds me so much of my friends who have complained about their boyfriends status on Facebook and My Space. Do you really need to see it online for validation? At a certain age you need to get over that stuff.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I'm willing to wager money that DearSugar didn't bother committing to many brain cells to answering this question. First of all, he's not her boyfriend. They have been DATING for two months. She's not upset because he might be CHEATING, she's upset because he might not be that into her. And isn't snooping more like checking someone else's email, not looking at a widely available dating profile? To the OP. It's been two months. The guy clearly isn't convinced that you are THE ONE. Are you convinced that he is after so short a time? There used to be something called dating where people went out with multiple individuals until making a commitment. Bottom line is that you are right in your assessment. He's definitely keeping his options open. I personally think that is fine. Arm yourself with this knowledge and go out on some dates yourself. If at some point you want a commitment from this guy, come out and say it. Then if he agrees and still checks his online dating profile constantly, you know you have a dirt bag on your hands.
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
Make sure that he is your boyfriend and that you are an exclusive couple before you even bring up the website and the fact that he logs into it regularly. He's definately on there talking to women or at least browsing to see his options. You just have to ask him what's up it's still a new relationship and you need to set boundaries.
oohsexypenguin oohsexypenguin 8 years
If you two haven't had "the talk," then he isn't doing anything wrong. But if you two *are* exclusive, then this is a problem. He's keeping his options open - I know firsthand, my ex left his status as 'single' on all his social networking/dating sites because he didn't want people to know he had a girlfriend. I would talk to him about it, definitely.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
It's been 2 months and you didn't even call him your boyfriend, is it because he isn't? You might very well be into him and all but until it's just the two of you, he can do as he pleases.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
you're friggin right he's looking for other women ask him and see what he says if you want to be exclusive and he doesn't, then you definitely need to talk about it
kurniakasih kurniakasih 8 years
He may still be keeping his options open. If I were you, I'd have a talk with him about 'boundaries' or 'exclusivity' that is, if you've not done so already (Then again, you two have only been dating for 2 months) You may peg him as a bf but what does he think about the relationship you two have, are you guys a couple? If he's claimed that you two are a couple and are exclusive/monogamous, then it can either be a red flag that he's going on his dating profile to check out inbox or/and browse females available to him OR it may be his 'porn' (like a guilty pleasure to check out potential mates without acting on it). The latter is more rare though, but I did do that when I was just starting to date my hubby in the beginning (1st month--I still kind of go online and read the dating inbox although I didn't respond to any). I'd definitely have my observing eyes on if he's told you that you guys are exclusive.
JCP0240 JCP0240 8 years
I see you two have been dating for two months, are you exclusive? Are you actually bf and gf? Because if not I don't think it would be strange for him to still have his online dating profile. However if you are, then you should absolutely tell him that you feel uncomfortable about it.
jessicaeden jessicaeden 8 years
Something similar happened to me last year and the guy turned out to be super sketchy. He told me to my face that I was the only person he was dating and that he only kept the account because he had paid for it in advance. BIG lie! I'd give him a chance to explain, but be careful! If he's anything like the guy I dated, he shouldn't be trusted.
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