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You Asked: Why Hasn't He Said I Love You?

You Asked: Why Hasn't He Said I Love You?

Dear Sugar,

Is meeting the parents a big deal? My boyfriend of almost a year recently had his mom visit for two days while she was passing through town. I ended up having dinner with her both nights but he hasn't said I love you yet. He's very close to his mom so should I take that as a good sign? He wouldn't introduce me to his family if he didn't see long-term potential with me, right? If so, why can't he say I love you yet? — Becoming Impatient Brenda

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Becoming Impatient Brenda,

There is no right time to say I love you — it's different for everyone. The same thing goes for meeting the parents. Some guys introduce all their girlfriends to their family while others are more selective. The fact that your boyfriend had you come to dinner with his mom both nights she was in town makes me think he was excited for you two to meet — a good sign — but I can't say if that means he's thinking long term per se.

If you're concerned with how he feels about you, just ask him. We could sit here and make assumptions about what his actions mean until we're blue in the face, but the only way to get straight answers is by talking to him. You've been together a long time so if you're still in the unsure phase, something's got to change. Open the lines of communication and get the answers you need to feel secure in this relationship. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
you have to remember that sometimes it's just a word and not necessarily a momento of how what's really felt. i hope that you see that things are going really well if he's already introducing you to the parents. it's a sign of things to come in the right direction - so don't stress about the words just yet.
snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 8 years
you could ask him in some way. (not necessarily by saying 'do you love me') i think that either way, you asking won't change how he feels, as it is too late for your eagerness to scare him off.
meechie meechie 8 years
A year? You need to fall back and let the relationship progress naturally. Meeting his mother in the first yr is pretty good sign that he sees you in his future.
lily3484 lily3484 8 years
I had a friend that was in a relationship almost 5 years before he said I love you. When he finally felt ready to express his feelings for her in words, it was a very meaningful and special moment. Some men have a hard time saying it but express it everyday. Think of all the ways he shows you he loves you without saying it. Eventually, he will.
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 8 years
I tell my mom about guys I date, and I would even arrange a dinner with her. But, it doesn't mean that I necessarily love those guys.
sunnyheart sunnyheart 8 years
Super advice from dear... the real issue seems to be that you're not sure if the relationship is going anywhere. If you need to know (and it's more than fair to need to know by this point), ask.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Geez, that's a long time. You two sound really distant. You've been dating him for a year! - and you have no idea at all what his motivation is? That's an awfully big chunk of your life to invest in someone who apparently can't express his feelings.
queenlizzie queenlizzie 8 years
Some people are just slower than others. It was a solid 4 years before my boyfriend and I said "I love you," and we still don't say it that often. That doesn't mean we don't love each other, we just don't vocalize it as much. In our world, doing is a WAY bigger deal than saying.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
A year? maybe he doesn't. The mother was coming regardless right? not really a big deal. I've never dealt with that side of it; more saying 'I love you' right away and as an appeasement when he's screwed up. Alas, those words mean nothing to me in that context.
Berlin Berlin 8 years
He may just want the "i love you" to be very meaningful and not just say it to all his girlfriends that he's with for more than a year. But does his mom know that you're his girlfriend? If so then there's nothing to worry about. If she thinks that you're more like just a friend then that may be an indication of how things actually are than what you may want them to be. Meeting the parents may not be that big of a deal. I'm so close with my mom that practically every boyfriend that I've had since moving away to college & even some just guy friends that I came back on vacation with have met her. She's awesome and my best friend, so when I introduce men or boyfriends to her, it has little to do with how I see our relationship going. It's different for everyone tho:)
psterling psterling 8 years
I think its odd that he hasn't said the L word yet.
otaku otaku 8 years
we don't know if she has said 'i love you' to him. maybe he's sitting around thinking the same thing about her. maybe he's scared to say it because she hasn't.
zabrow zabrow 8 years
the fact that he introduced you to his mom doesn't necessarily mean that he loves you, but the fact that he hasn't said it yet doesn't mean that he doesn't. some people just take wayyy more time to say it. if you feel it, why not say it to him? if he doesn't say it back at least you know where you stand & you can decide if you want to stick around to see if he comes around eventually.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
Does he show you that he cares about you? I would hate to have a guy say he loved me if he didn't mean it....
chatondeneige chatondeneige 8 years
Excellent advice from DearSugar. We can't pretend to know why her boyfriend hasn't said it, he's the only one who truly knows the answer.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 8 years
Hmmm it could be because he doesnt know how to. Or hes scared to...OR he just doesnt love you. That doesnt mean that he wont, maybe hes just not there yet.
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