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You Asked: Why Is He Using My Past Against Me?

Dear Sugar --

I've been with my boyfriend now for 3 months. I haven't been completely forthcoming with my past because I didn't think it mattered, but everyday he finds out more and more and asks me why I didn't tell him everything there is to know from day one. My past is not something I am proud of so I felt that if I told him everything, he would think less of me. I have since let my guard down and opened up, but he is now holding it against me and making me feel guilty for things I did before I even knew him. Was I not supposed to be honest after all? Did I say too much? Should I just keep my mouth shut from now on? -- Honest Heidi

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Honest Heidi --

First and foremost, if you feel like you need to hide your past from someone you are in a relationship with out of fear that he won't respect you, than you should not be with him in the first place. Not everyone has a pristine past, but we all learn from our mistakes. It's usually the hard stuff that molds the person we have become so you shouldn't feel bad about being honest with someone with whom you're trying to build a trusting and loving relationship.

Since you have only been together three months, I advise you to take a good look at your potential future with this man. The fact that he pressured you into opening up and is now holding it against you makes me fear he has controlling and manipulative tendencies that scream red flag. Trust your gut instincts and if you're feeling a twinge of doubt with him, get out of this relationship sooner than later. Good luck.


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