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You Asked: Why Won't He Make a Move?

You Asked: Why Won't He Make a Move?

Dear Sugar,

I have loved the same man for nearly 13 years. He is straight, but one of those men who is married to his work and perhaps scared of commitment. He has dated women, but the relationships never go anywhere.

I am considered attractive and smart. He makes me laugh and my heart pound. When we are together, it feels like there is no one else in the room, yet I also recognize that if he had interest in a relationship with me, he would have expressed it by now.

His friends have told me he has feelings for me and I am confident he cares
about me, although I can't bring myself to make the first move. I have casually asked him out a few times and we are in the same line of work and have mutual friends, so we occasionally go out in groups and it is never awkward between us, just a little frustrating for me.

I have come to a few conclusions:

  1. He doesn't care for me as much as I think he does.
  2. I have a problem for 'unrequited' love by loving one man for 13 years.
  3. I need to let go and move on.

Please help me, clearly I need it! — Still Waiting Wendy

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Still Waiting Wendy,

Thirteen years and you still haven't gotten to the bottom of this crush of yours?! Wendy, it is high time that you make a move! Your friends have told you he has feelings for you, you flirt in a joking manner, and you're confident that he cares about you, so what's the hold up! It sounds like he's shy and sure, he could have made a move by now, but he could also be afraid of rejection, so I think it would behoove you to make the first move.

Perhaps the next time you are all out as a group, graze your hand over his and see if he bites. Talk closely and put your hand on his leg. Make him feel special and treat him differently than you do your other guy friends. Ask him if he wants to get a drink sometime, just the two of you, or ask him to be your date to a party this weekend. If you let your guard down a little, I'm sure he will be able to feel the difference and it might make him loosen up around you too.

Of course it's easier to stay guarded and protected, but taking a chance on love could be so much more rewarding, so before you choose option number three, make sure you at least give it a shot! There is nothing worse than not knowing what could have happened! Good luck, I really hope it works out in your favor!

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