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You Asked: Why Won't he Let me Go?

You Asked: Why Won't he Let me Go?

Dear Sugar--
I've been broken up with my ex for about a year and a half now. For about a year after we broke up, we continued to be "friends with benefits." I really cared about him and was so naive that I thought "If he's still sleeping with me, he must still care." When I finally made the decision to break the cycle I created for myself, I told him on numerous occasions that I needed my space and didn't want to be "friends" with him.

Now both of us have someone else in our lives but he still won't leave me alone. He still texts me every month and every month I say the same thing "I don't want to be friends with you, leave me alone." Does he still care? Why won't he just let me go?? I know I should just ignore him, but that's easier said than done. --Strung Along Sandra

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Strung Along Sandra--

Many people confuse sex with love, so I don't blame you for being in a tale spin after your break up. Cutting off all ties with an ex is difficult, and many couples fall into the "breakup sex" pattern, but as you can attest, it is a tricky predicament to be in and can oftentimes cause more hurt than pleasure.

Since you are both dating other people, is your ex specifically calling you to rekindle your romance or does he just want to be a part of your life? From the sounds of it, he wants to have his cake and eat it too so I am proud of you for standing your ground.

Your ex's selfish behavior is him acting out because he is afraid of you moving on without him. Keeping you at arm's length is not only unfair to you, but also the woman he is currently dating. You're right, ignoring his advances is easier said than done, but try to remember why you broke up in the first place. Have one last chat with him, be firm and demand that he respects your life without him in it and if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, he needs to let you go so you can move on. Let him know you will no longer accept his calls and stick to your guns. Ignoring him will make him try harder at first, but in time, he will get the hint. Perhaps one day you can establish a friendship if you so desire, but it sounds like now is not the right time to be in contact with each other. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
ilove2ski ilove2ski 10 years
I would say ignore him. He doesn't deserve you, or any of your time any longer. Focus on your new relationship and remember he is an ex for a reason. Breaking up is always hard no matter what, just remember that you are now in a better place, with a guy that respects you now. ..If you see us in the club we'll be acting real nice if you see us on the floor you'll be watchin all night..
vmruby vmruby 10 years
It's very hard sometimes to tell the difference between what's love and what's a habit. He won't leave you alone because you have probably bruised his very huge ego... or because you are answering his texts and he sees that as a way to manipulate you and to push his way back into your life. Ignore him altogether and eventually he will get a clue and stop. But if you should decide to continue responding, you'll never get rid of him,or perhaps maybe you don't want to because you aren't as over him as you thought.Good Luck!!!!
Marci Marci 10 years
If you *really* don't want any contact with him, don't respond to his texts. Just don't answer him.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
agree with popgoestheworld. he's a jerk! be strong girl, it's for you!
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I had some psycho that thought I was sleeping with her nasty husband, hello he was an executive recruiter, and she wouldn't stop calling me so I forced her to stop calling me!
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
cubadog that's a great idea! I had a guy who wouldn't give up calling me and had his number blocked, it was only $7 a month and he gave up after a couple months...well worth the money!
cubadog cubadog 10 years
Just call your cell provider and they will help you block his number if it so hard for you to ignore him.
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
I completely agree with Kendalheart! You need to stop answering him back entirely. Any little answer you text back is hopeful for him and keeps you two in contact. He's probably thinking if things don't work out with his current relationship that you will be the fall-back girl. You have a new guy and are ready to move ahead with life, so break off contact with your ex and he will hopefully get the hint that it is OVER!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
He won't let you go because he's a jerk. He doesn't want you long term, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. It's like a territorial thing for guys, and it's also an ego thing - how flattering to have women who are too weak to get over you at your beck and call. A guy will get away with what you let him get away with. You let him use you for sex, and now you are letting him string you along. Only you can put a stop to this. He's certainly not going to, as he proved. If he continues to get a reaction and a response from you, he'll keep texting. It's human nature. The only way to move on from this is to cut him off completely. Yeah, it's not easy, but sometimes you have to really work for the things that are best for you. Good luck.
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I agree its ok for him to move on but he can't deal with you finding someone new as well? Just ignore his calls you've already given him told him plenty of times and honestly he's not your boyfriend anymore he needs to get that. Its a classic case of you always want what you can't have it doesn't mean there are real and true feelings there and you deserve much more than that.
andaman andaman 10 years
If you feel tempted to text back, just remind yourself he's using you. That's what's happening.
andaman andaman 10 years
Blank him! He loves the attention from you. He gets off knowing he has two girls on the go. He isn't a man honey and NO he doesn't care about you enough. He cares about how he feels not you. Like I said he gets off on it. What a loser!
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
I dont know if i would say go ahead and have one last chat, that might give him hope that you are still interested in him. I would continue to ignore him and when he texts you, not even saying anything back!
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