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You Asked: Is he Cheating?

Dear Sugar--
I think my brother might be cheating on his wife. They have a 3 month old baby so this makes it even more painful. I overheard him having a conversation on his phone-talking in a low tone similar to ones I overheard months ago when it turned out he had been cheating when his wife was pregnant. I walked into the room and he kept on talking like it was no big deal, basically asking how the other person spent the previous day. Should I confront him about my suspicions? I haven't been able to trust him since the first time he cheated or am I being overprotective and paranoid? -- Worried Wendy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Worried Wendy --

Since your trust level has already plummeted from past behavior, could you be jumping to conclusions here? The fact that he continued his conversation after you entered the room makes me think he was simply using his inside voice rather than his "cheating voice." Was he acting like himself later that day? Has he been uncomfortable around you since?

Cheating is not OK, but this marriage isn't yours, it's your brother's, and you might not have all the information. I don't know the nature of your relationship and how involved you were after finding out he cheated, so if you don't want to tarnish the relationship that you currently have with him, I advise you to stay mum. If you feel it in your heart of hearts that he is up to no good, keep one eye open and if you gain information that backs up your suspicions, then, and only then have a talk with him. I with you luck and hope that you are just being paranoid after all.


Join The Conversation
PinkNC PinkNC 9 years
He's your brother, so you can ask is you want too. But it is their marriage, so you CANNOT interfer with that. Stay out of it and never hint to anything when you are around his wife.
Ikandy Ikandy 9 years
Ouf, what a tough situation. Gosh...the poor wife, shes dealing with being a new mother, and hes off cheating:( She needs to stay out of it...
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Like Dear Suga Said, stay out of it. If you dont have all the details, why bother?
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
I meant "case by case basis" cravin. :)
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
Second chances should be based on forgiveness, heart, gut feelings, and the overall circumstances. Some times it is the right thing to, and other times it isn't. There are times when you have to disconnect with people (whether they lie, cheat, abuse, whatever) and let them change without you. I say, keep an open mind about it. Make it a case by case basid. But third chances usually aren't a good idea. ;)
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
thanks bfly1133, and may i add i think it is great you have seen people change; makes me wonder if I should give someone a second chance after all...
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
You are completely entitled to that cravin. I don't believe you have to give someone a second chance if you don't want to. It is a respect issue and I hope you never, ever have to go through it again. :HUG: I know people can change; I have seen it first hand. Therefore I can not abide by the "they will always cheat again" mantra.
mills mills 9 years
It's not always that "once a cheater always a cheater", a very silly theory to generalise with. If you make an accusation and it turns out to be wrong, you will be sacrificing much more than he will, after all, he's been forgiven once so as hard as it may be to hear it, he's probably very clued up on what he's doing - if he is cheating, which he may not be. Unless you're totally sure, AND YOU HAVE PROOF; a vitality, I wouldn't take matters into your own hands just yet, afterall, it is their marriage.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
bfly1133: I just wanted to let you know why i feel once a cheat always a cheat is true: My ex boyyfriend cheated on me. I gave him another chance...he cheated on me. and he continued to cheat on me. until we broke up. I will not have that ever happen to me again, so once the guy has cheated, that's it IMO.
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
I completely disagree with the "once a cheat, always a cheater" idea. I don't think you can say "always" to anything in this world. There a lot of people that make mistakes, but only make them once. I am with Dear (and some of the others) on this one as well. I think it is wrong to jump to conclusions. Assumptions rarely get us anywhere. That doesn't mean you can't follow your gut and pay close attention to what is going on.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
I agree with Dear. Don't jump the gun unless you have clear proof that he is cheating. What if he was talking to his wife on the phone? I would keep quiet until you have real proof. Don't ruin a marriage or your relationship with him on a hunch. Good Luck!
blingbling blingbling 9 years
yeah like i said I think it depends on your relationship with him. My brother would totally expect that I would call him out, so I'm not too worried with damaging my relationship with him. The way I'd see it, if he was so freaking worried about damaging our relationship, then maybe he shouldn't do behaviors that he knows will. LOL. I agree with Cravin' that I don't know what I'd do with the info if I had it - probably nothing - other than making sure he knows he's not fooling EVERYONE. If this were just a friend or acquaintance I'd say not to intrude, but I think you have more latitude when it's family.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
I disagree with Dear. Once a cheat...ALWAYS a cheat. I say confront your brother. What you do with you find out...I have no idea. doesn't "Auntie Eeee" have a video on how to tell a friend her boyf is cheating?
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I agree with DearSugar completely. It's their marriage, their privacy. Don't intrude.
books-and-shoes books-and-shoes 9 years
I agree with Dear. It's not your marriage, even if it is your family. Stay quiet until you know for sure. Otherwise it may just add un-needed drama if they are already going through a tough time.
blingbling blingbling 9 years
Ew ew ew. Does his wife KNOW he was cheating while she was pregnant? What an awful situation - for you, your family, and the wife. I don't know about your relationship with your brother, but if it were mine I would absolutely confront him. I wouldn't hesitate. I'm sure he'd probably deny it, but I'd tell him that if he WERE cheating, it's a disgrace to him and his family and that he needs to get some counseling if he can't knock it off.
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