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Your Partner Cheated: Who Makes You Angrier?

In 2006, then presidential-hopeful John Edwards cheated on his terminally ill wife Elizabeth with documentary filmmaker Rielle Hunter. In excerpts leaked from Elizabeth Edwards' new book Resilience, Elizabeth discusses her reaction to John's infidelity.

Elizabeth reportedly calls Rielle "pathetic." As for John, she explains her decision to stay with him by writing this:

I lie in bed, circles under my eyes, my sparse hair sticking in too many directions, and he looks at me as if I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. It matters.

We were just discussing earlier this week whether it's less forgivable to cheat on a partner when you have kids. Well, this Edwards news has me pondering another question: if your significant other were unfaithful, would you be madder at your partner, or the other woman?

janneth janneth 8 years
John Edwards took a risk, and he got caught big time. Now everybody in the US knows who he is.
reesiecup reesiecup 8 years
No matter the reason(s) for infidelity, at the end of the day I see it as the old American adage: it takes TWO to tango! If the other woman knew, she is equally at fault in my eyes. Period.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 8 years
I think people who get angrier with the other woman are in denial about the fact that they are married to an asshole. It is easier to vilify a stranger than face the fact that you married someone who cheated on you, or that your relationship has problems. You hopefully eventually figure it out and lose the jerk.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 8 years
If it were me and my partner cheated I would definitely be pissed off. As for the other person I would be angry if they knew he was in a relationship if they didn't know they're off the hook. I had my own experience in June of 1998 when a cell phone rang at 4am. My partner didn't wake so I sleepily made my way to the kitchen in the dark. His phone and my phone were side by side and identical so I said what the hell I'll answer it may be an emergency. Now when we say hello my x and I sound almost exactly identical until we start talking. So I pick it up and say hello and the other voice said "hey your man home? Can I come over?", I said yeah come over I'll leave the back door unlocked and I'll be waiting for you in my bed. Lucky for him he stayed hi @$$ home cause I was fit to be tied. Long story short it was an ugly break up. However guilt got the best of him and six months later he called me out of the blue and we've been close friends ever since. He recently adopted a baby boy and I am honorary uncle ____. To reconcile or not is not black and white and there are so many things to consider. Length, depth and health of the relationship before the infidelity are the big three IMO. My sister and brother in law went through hell with each other former drug use, physical altercations etc. but they stuck it out and worked at it. As a result for the better half of their 33yrs together they have been in one of the best married couples I've ever seen in action and they are now adoring grand parents.
ang1885 ang1885 8 years
I didn't marry her, I married him. I really do think they're together because of politics. Image is really everything in that game.
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
Additionally, perhaps we could switch the topic around next time and discuss how to prevent cheating and foster a permanent bond that is unbreakable instead of analyzing all the emotions, reasons and etc for post event and during the event. It will be more uplifting and encouraging, seriously!
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
I cannot help but be very angry at the woman, the man or the "it" that got between us. I am capable of doing things that I normally won't do. Everyone, especially women knows that your partner is involved in a relationship. It's just a human instinct to know something is not right even in the face of the best pretender.
kythera kythera 8 years
I think nowadays women are more head-strong, so I think a lot of us gals are doing the right thing by confronting cheaters, or kicking them to the curb instead of pretty much letting it go and trying to make excuses to why he did it (like if he makes it your fault). I think women are getting smarter, that they don't have to settle for idiot boyfriends. At least I knew better. Being upset by the other woman does not solve anything.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Speaking from experience, I would be angry with my significant other. I would harbor no anger towards the other woman, unless she was a friend or family member (because she would have betrayed the relationship and trust we had).
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I think he's with her out of pity. And i think she is now seeking pity as well. That other woman is a piece of trash.
bgorgeouss bgorgeouss 8 years
I would be mad at both, but more so my partner. There are women who don't think married men are off-limits, and I find that disgusting. At the same time, I would hope that my future husband would love me enough to resist any temptation.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 8 years
I agree that it depends on whether I knew the other woman or not, and even then, unless it was one of my best friends, I would be much much madder at my husband. I could understand why she wanted to sleep with him b/c I am so attracted to him as well. But I would have a hard time understanding and forgiving why he would cheat on me.
imLissy imLissy 8 years
I voted that I would be angrier at my partner, but I'd be angry at the other woman as well. This guy once told me that he would go out with me if he lived closer and I got really mad at him b/c he had a girlfriend. I couldn't stand the guy in the first place, but I mean, really, in the mildest form, is still seems really wrong. How can you do that to another person even if you don't know them?
ShelleyHFan ShelleyHFan 8 years
Oh, last thing...this is why people say that if you want out of a relationship end it before you cheat. Sometimes it can't be worked out that way but other times it can so a guy should honest and upfront. Maybe with his wife and mistress or before he even has a prospect, but not all men will do that (and this goes for woman too).
ShelleyHFan ShelleyHFan 8 years
So from experience I would have a hard time being mad at the "other woman" unless she was WITHOUT a DOUBT some kind of vicious maneater, and you can't really know that. It's a waste of energy, you got your BF/Hubby and the poor thing is probably alone anyhow.
ShelleyHFan ShelleyHFan 8 years
I agree with dm8bri being the "other woman" has its own set of problem. Some woman don't know or find out when it's too late. And they feel like a legit girlfriend so the go throught the motions a GF would...even if they start to figure it out or suspect something, if like dm8bri says they have a heart, they feel guilty but don't want to lose their love either so they may go into denial. Either way in the end, they get screwed. A lot woman may forgive their significant other and continue to hate that woman and some guys will want to stay in GFs good graces and get this selective memory and if they have their second chance will distance themselves from you and/or encourage the wrath of their girlfriends (oh, she chased after me!) Or I'm sorry and she is crazy, etc. It sucks.
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
I'd be initially angry at both, but the spouse/partner is clearly worse - they are the one with the commitment to you and the relationship. And, not to generalize, but cheating men totally lure the "other woman" (at least this is what I've heard as I've never been an "other") by saying they don't love their wife/gf, the marriage/relationship is rocky, their significant other is mean to them or whatever. Personally, I would never be the other woman because, historically, you only get screwed (literally and figuratively) and if you have a heart/conscious you end up feeling guilty. Anyway, back to the question. I'd only be really angry at the other woman if she was a friend of mine first.
HoneyBrown1976 HoneyBrown1976 8 years
If she knew about me, both will get my wrath (obviously, he will get it more). However, if she honestly was unaware, he'll get it only. I also never understood how women get angrier at the woman than the man. What the hell, chicas?
margokhal margokhal 8 years
Both equally. I don't discriminate, it's not like they got in the bed by themselves. The level of anger I would have at both of them though - ASTRONOMICAL. Yeah yeah, they say you "should" be more mad at your partner for stepping out of the relationship with YOU, the woman was just a consequence/side factor in that - but it takes two to tango. I would have to consider the circumstances - if the other woman didn't KNOW that the guy was in a relationship/married, then that's one thing. But if she KNEW - just as culpable. Cheating is just a terrible situation all the way around.
oni1 oni1 8 years
poor woman is rationalizing. her husband knows her, sleeps with her, they built a life together and then cheats on her. the other woman doesn't owe her anything. she just wants what she wants. its disgraceful for both sides but her husband is the one most pathetic.
appolgurl appolgurl 8 years
from my experience, as logical as it may seem to blame your partner, it never works that way-you're always like, WHO IS SHE?! like in Mr. & Mrs. Smith when he told her he'd been previously married, she was like "what's her name and social security number?" (lol). It's silly, but much more gratifying to talk crap about the women, because if you talk about how cowardly your partner is, it makes you look stupid for being with them in the first place. :3
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