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You're not my Real Dad

You're not my Real Dad

Dear Sugar
My mother has been dating a man for over a year that I simply can not stand. He is rude and disrespectful to me and both of my brothers and he is constantly over stays his welcome in our home.

While I of course want my mother to be happy, this man just rubs me the wrong way and I think it's because he tries too hard to act like our father. He is planning on moving to Vancouver this summer and I will be devastated if he makes us move. How do I make this situation better? Get Him Out Geenie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Get Him Out Geenie
I am sorry you feel this way. Warming up to a parent's new relationship is bound to take time and work. What is it that you dislike about this man? If he weren't trying to take the place of your father would you have a different outlook on him? Do your brothers feel the same way?

Of course, you want your mom to be happy, but I am sure she would want to know how you were feeling as well. Try sitting down with her and have a mature, adult conversation about your concerns. Ask her what she loves so much about him as you could be overlooking his good side. Hopefully, you will feel better about the situation after a good heart to heart, and you can all try to work towards a better relationship.

Join The Conversation
Marci Marci 10 years
missnoni makes a really good point about how you handle talking to your mother insofar as your emotions. Very important.
Jinx Jinx 10 years
I don't know the circumstances, obviously. You may have very good reasons for hating this man. I just wanted to say, the situation may not be easy for him either? ------------------------------------------------------ Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. — Albert Einstein
missnomi missnomi 10 years
the key is talking to her in a mature way indeed. Don't overreact or be the hysterical child, just tell her. I she doesn't want to listen, or is distracted tell her: We'll talk about it some other time, when you can listen. Then try again. Don't be the typical teenager, because it is very easy to dissmiss as 'overreacting'. Good luck!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
well ask yourself if anyone would be good enough for your mom. has she had other men that treated her and you better, or do you always find fault. personally, i can't imagine anyone wanting to marry a woman that had 3 kids that didn't want him around. what makes you think he wants your mom to make the move with him and that your mom wants to go? i agree with the other posters that you need to sit down with your mother (if the move actually comes up) and let her know how you feel. if you are old enough to move out this would be the time to do so and if you aren't MAN, i wouldn't want to be in that household. 3 unhappy kids in a new city where they know no one and can't stand the man in the house? recipe for disaster. 2007?
Marci Marci 10 years
I have a friend whose mother ignored the very obvious fact that her daughter hated the guy she was with. She hated him when they were dating, and it was completely obvious to everyone. Her mother married him and my friend has been stuck with that man her whole life. She hates him for good reasons since he's always been verbally abusive to her, her mother has always worn blinders and pretended like everything is all lovey dovey, and the result is that she and her mother do not have any kind of real relationship. It's all superficial b.s. When a mother chooses a guy over her kids, there are all kinds of trust issues that result from that. So having watched my friend deal with this her whole life and end up an adult still hating the guy and having a pretty lame relationship with her mother as a result, I would suggest trying to talk to your mother about the situation. Expect it to get testy, because her choices and feelings are on the line, too. But if you never express it, you'll hate yourself for it. And sometimes people need things pointed out to them and then to weigh what their priorities are. But your mother will never know how you feel if you don't tell her.
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I agree I would say talk to your mom and be honest with her about why you don't like him. Maybe she can have a talk with him and he'll ease up a bit.
fashion_doll24 fashion_doll24 10 years
I understand what you're going trough, I'm dealing with a similar situation and I still haven't figured out the right way to deal with it. Talking to your mum is definitely a good idea, I hope it works out better for you than it did for me! I'm sorry I can't give any better advice:(
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