Tweets Girls Say: Olympic Sex and Old-People Dating Shows

It's time for Tweets Girls Say! We've rounded up the laugh-out-loud funny tweets of the week to give your weekend the kick in the pants it needs. In this week's editions, the funniest women on Twitter covered a variety of inappropriate bases — from salsa lube to vagina credit card machines. Things get weird (in a good way). Check 'em out now, and for even more funny, follow us on Twitter!

Instead of kissing frogs I'm kissing pizzas.

— Bez (@Bez) February 20, 2014

HOW WE MET: You were handsome and I was weird to you and never made direct eye contact until I died

— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) February 20, 2014

Relationship status: wine, wine, wine

— sorry i'm not sorry (@sorrynotsorryy) February 20, 2014

a dating show for old people and the challenges include sending an email and making christmas cookies

— erin (@home_napping) February 18, 2014

If I was on The Bachelor I would be like wait he's only dating 24 other women? Oh this is normal/easy.

— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) February 18, 2014

for even hotter sex, try using salsa as lube

— lady pootwell (@debbie_hairy) February 20, 2014

Hot dads in your area are not single but happily married, so stop staring Jackie.

— jacqueline carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) February 20, 2014

just cancelled a date with a guy who consistently said "alot" instead of "a lot." feeling ok about being alone forever

— Sputnik Sweetheart (@Verlieren) February 16, 2014

I don't understand couples that fight over who wears the pants in the relationship because last I heard the goal is to wear no pants at all.

— Babe (@ambienbabe) February 18, 2014

If money can't buy love then why are women's vaginas shaped like warm, fleshy credit card readers?

— bubble girl (@JessObsess) February 20, 2014

dating teaches you that there are ways to feel shame you never even thought possible

— priscilla (@BBW_BFF) February 19, 2014

Every boyfriend I've ever had were just platonic friends I had sex with sometimes who had no idea I considered them my boyfriend.

— Tricia (@Im_Tricia) February 19, 2014

When I was a kid I wanted to be an Olympian for the glory. Now I want to be an Olympian for the Olympic Village sex.

— Meghan O'Keefe (@megsokay) February 18, 2014

SO GLAD I STAYED AWAKE BECAUSE A RYAN GOSLING MOVIE IS ON!! (someone kill me or date me already)

— Maritza Lugo (@PolaRoid_Rage) February 16, 2014