Is Kink the Future of Monogamy?
Finding the person you want to spend your life with is amazing. That's such an enormous hurdle for many of us. We all want to find love, and once we have it, life is pretty amazing.
But, what happens once we find love? And furthermore, what happens to our sex lives?
When it comes to long-term relationships, we're always looking for new and exciting ways to shake things up in the bedroom. Seriously, just google it. When you're sticking with one person for the long haul, you've got to keep sex fiery.
Where do ruts come from? Well, when you're in love and things are going well, it's easy to fall into a routine. There are only so many different sex positions you can try and lingerie pieces you can buy before even the most aerobic and sexy things can becomes stale.
This is where kink comes in. When you think of kinky sex, the first place your mind goes is to a dungeon, a dominatrix tying up a submissive or an orgy in an erotic room full of oriental rugs.
Just me? Oh, come on. I know I am not alone here.
There is a lot more to kink than that, trust me. What if there were more to kink than just wild sex parties and pain? What if kink were actually the future of monogamy?
"When this happens and we find ourselves in a rut, it's important to set aside some time to reconnect. Believe it or not, sexual intimacy is elemental to happiness," Sandra LaMorgese Ph.D., author, former dominatrix, and CEO of Attainment Studios told POPSUGAR.
Kink may seem extreme, but it may actually be more aligned with monogamy and commitment than you might think.
Doing kinky stuff takes trust
First and foremost, practicing kinky sex takes trust. It seems more likely that you'd be willing to try something weird or taboo with a person you trust, right? Some of the more wild fantasies you have may be nerve-racking or embarrassing — wouldn't it be better to try hot wax play or bondage with a person who loves and respects you?
Whether it's BDSM, role play, or otherwise, a monogamous relationship is a wonderful place to try things you may never have been brave enough to try before. A person who loves you is not going to judge you for wanting to try something unorthodox betwixt the sheets.
If you're going to ask someone to drip melted chocolate on your labia and lick it off, isn't it more likely that you'd ask someone you truly trust? I know I'm less likely to let some random stranger I met in a bar to whip me with a riding crop.
These games are not just for anyone — they're for people who are trying to attempt risky things without a lot of risk, you know? Hell, even Christian Grey was a one-person-at-a-time kind of guy.
Kinky sex can rejuvenate your sex life
Sex in long-term relationships can get stale. Let's just be real here. It's just a fact of life: if you're having sex with the same person, it can get boring.
Don't look at this as a bad thing. As you move along in your years together, you have more room and leverage to try new things. Strong relationships take a willingness to open yourselves up and explore new avenues of pleasure.
Kink is better for your sex life than any list of sex tips. Forget trying new takes on missionary and go darker — explore your deeper fantasies.
Sure, kink is a little unnerving and breaks up the routine you're so comfortable with, but that's a good thing. According to LaMorgese, "Bringing an element of uncertain kinkiness into your sexual relationship can be rejuvenating and powerful! It reawakens our curiosity about each other, gives us courage to try new things, and builds confidence."
Nothing is sexier than confidence. If you can do kink, you can do anything.
Kink brings you closer in more than just the bedroom
Kinky sex can not only awaken your sexuality, but it can even bring you closer together in your relationship.
"Both men and women report feeling closer to their partner after a bout of fulfilling kinky sex. It rejuvenates and strengthens the couple's bond," LaMorgese told us. It's about trying new things and building your trust as a couple.
Trying new things takes that special brand of practice and trust. It's almost like finding a new shared hobby that includes an orgasm and subsequent oxytocin boost. "Sex is best when it is unabashed, unadulterated fun! Remember that developing dynamic, invigorating kinky sexual intimacy takes time — it's important so set aside some time to reconnect as a couple often — by working on it together, you will strengthen your bond, relieve each other's stress, and create amazing new opportunities for happiness and fulfillment," said LaMorgese.
Couples who have kinky sex may actually be happier and healthier. How about that? You can enhance your bond, get closer, and make every element of your relationship stronger — what could be better?
"Being kinky usually means enhancing sexual intimacy with your partner by adding new and creative elements to sex," LaMorgese added.
If you're going to commit to forever with one person, shouldn't it be smokin' hot? If you have fantasies, shouldn't you be able to explore them with someone you love?