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10 Hilariously Inappropriate Kid Quotes

10 Hilariously Inappropriate Kid Quotes

It's a cliche that kids say the darnedest things, and as many moms report, their quirky utterances are one of the pleasures of parenthood. . . except when they're not, points out Circle of Moms member Christina G. She recalls the special embarrassment of having her two preschool-age children react to the smell of a prospective babysitter's home with, "‘Mommy, eeewww it stinks in here,'" and mock dry heaving.

Welcome to the blessing and the curse of young ones learning to talk. The best way to handle this stage, according to Christina, is to "embrace the embarrassment." As the stories that follow illustrate, it will most likely soon give way... to laughter.

(Warning: Some of the stories that follow include crude language.)

The Truth Hurts

For better or worse, children tell it like it is, says Angela L. She shares a particularly embarrassing moment when her son, then a toddler, made a proclamation about a fellow park goer’s physique. “We were up at the park playing on a big slide. Through the center of the park there is a walking path that comes right past the slide he was on. So he’s playing and is standing up on a platform at the top and he looks over and sees a very large man walking down the path. Out of nowhere, as loud as he could manage, he yells ‘Hey mom, look at that big fat guy over there,’ and he points."


Tara T.'s moment of truth came at a family dinner that included her in-laws. Her 4-year-old daughter asked about dessert, and when she replied that they didn’t have anything, her mother in-law told the little girl that dessert makes you fat. As Tara shares, "My daughter replied back to her with: ‘But Nana... you’re already fat.

Kelly is another mom whose child spoke too honestly at the dinner table, this time at a meal that included her husband’s boss. "The boss asked J what he wanted to be when he grew up. 'I don't want to grow up,’ J responded. The boss questioned: ‘Why not?’" To which Kelly's son responded, "Because I don't want to be like you. You're boring.” Luckily the boss laughed it off.


Yes, Yes, Just Don't Say It Out Loud!

Then there are the public proclamations and outbursts that make you or the family look bad, as Ashley B. and Laura S. share. Ashley's took place in Kmart, where her 7-year-old wanted new socks. "I said 'Not now,' so he yelled, full blast: ‘I have to wear the same socks every day!’" Needless to day, "Everyone stopped and turned." (Ashley explains that her son doesn't understand that he has many pairs of socks, they just all look the same because they are the same color.)

Laura's two zingers embarrassed her at church and with a new boyfriend: “When my [older] son was about 5 he said very loudly in church ‘We have to eat his body, gross!' We were sitting next to an older woman and she gave us a look that could kill.”

Some time later, she introduced her younger son to a man she was dating. He walked into the boyfriend's house and said, "in an amazed voice, 'Your house is BIG, are you rich!'"

She Didn't Get That from Me. Really.

The embarrassing things that come out of your children’s mouths can come at any time and in the most unexpected places, as Kim C.'s and Lucy F.'s stories illustrate. Kim shares an embarrassing moment that happened in the ER waiting room, where she had gone because her 3-year-old daughter had an allergic reaction. "She was sitting there all quiet and asked if we could go in the door beside us. I told her 'No, it’s not our turn yet,'" at which point her daughter said, ‘Why can’t we just go in? Will they bust your *ss?’ The entire room erupted into laughter.”

Lucy F., who is a vegetarian ("not the preachy type") says her daughter was inadvertently rude closer to home with a neighbor. "One afternoon last year we met my neighbor as we were coming into the house, and she said to Ivy, ‘Are you going to have dinner? What are you having?" Ivy replied, ‘Vegetable lasagna, what are you having?' When my neighbor told her she was having fish pie, Ivy looked at her as if she was mad and said, incredulously, "What? A fishy in a pie! You can't eat animals, that's naughty!"

As mortifying as these moments can be, many moms find the humor even while the offending words still hang in the air. Angela remembers a Saturday Night Live-esque episode with her newly-talking toddler. "He asked if we could get some ‘minty butt-holes’ when we were in the bread aisle at the grocery store. I was like What?!?, and he said it again, pointing to a bag of mini bagels. Everyone was laughing while I was slowly pronouncing the words to him the right way.”

So what’s a mom to do – besides cringe – every time a child says something embarrassingly inappropriate? “There’s not much you can do but laugh," says Candi H., and Maria agrees. “My daughter was 5 or 6 (at the time) when we went to this video store to look for a movie to bring home. She was checking out all the covers and picked a movie off the shelf and brought it over to me yelling ‘Hey mom, is this a nasty movie?’ and OMG this young couple was looking at me and All I could do was shake my head and smile.”

What's the most embarrassing thing your child has ever said?

Image Source: Gisle's fotostream via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

JenniferAletras JenniferAletras 5 years
One day after the birth of my second child I was sitting outside waiting for my husband with the kids and a family walked past us and they had a little girl with large ears and my oldest who at the time was 5 looked at the girl then her mother and said boy she really has big ears almost as big as Dumbo's. I was mortified and didn't know what to do thankfully the baby started fussing and I was able to put my head in the carriage until they walked away.
HeatherDavis629 HeatherDavis629 5 years
When my daughter was about 1 1/2 she thought she had bellybuttons on her chest. I explained that those were boobies, not bellybuttons. Then one day she walked in on me changing my shirt and saw my bra on and asked if those were mommies boobies. I said yes and rushed her off to play. Then a few months later she was helping me with the laundry (helping to separate mommy and daddy's clothes), and she pulled out my bra and said "Mommy, look! I found your boobies! Here, have them." I laughed so hard I almost cried.
zandaleeromley zandaleeromley 5 years
when i was teaching my then 1 and a half year old son the difference between girls and boys and he understood then later that day in the middle of new world my son turned to one of the workers and proclaimed very loudly "i has a penis do you?? mummy doesn't cos she is a girl"
LeyaCollins LeyaCollins 5 years
My three year old son once told my college buddy in the middle of the movie theater "Don't worry Mark. I'll be right back. I have to POOP!"
KristenKrewson KristenKrewson 5 years
One time in the drug store my daughter asked why were were there and I told her that we needed some cotton balls. She was only 18 months old at the time and she attempted to repeat what I said by saying "cock and balls?" The man standing next to us in the aisle snorted and walked away laughing while I tried to hold in my own laughter and explain to her the correct way to say it
ChristyPowell ChristyPowell 5 years
When my middle child (son) was about 4 he asked his dad what sex was. My husband stated that sex was when mommies and daddies kiss and hug. I knew this answer would some day come back to haunt us. One Sunday morning, the kids and I were leaving for Sunday School and my husband caught me in the kitchen and was hugging and kissing me - keeping me from leaving. As we entered the church building (late) my son announced to the preacher and the congregation - "We're late 'cause Moma and Daddy were doin' sex in the kitchen". I just smiled and the preacher said, "Really".
CoMMember13631161535012 CoMMember13631161535012 5 years
well my baby isnt quite old enough to say stuff (she is almost 9months). But one time we were in a quiet restaurant and all ths sudden my baby girl started to do a number 2 and all you cld hear was her grunting really lound and c her face turning red. i was SO embarrassed but i cldnt help but laugh lol
AmandaStanton37038 AmandaStanton37038 5 years
My friends 4 year old son and she were riding in the elevator of an office building. The elevator car was filled with business men when little Joey says "Mommy, this elevator makes my penis feel funny". Those men couldn't get off the car fast enough.
AmandaStanton37038 AmandaStanton37038 5 years
When my daughter was just learning to talk we tried very hard to watch our language. One evening after she was in bed, my husband and I watched and R rated movie with a number of cuss words. We thought nothing of this as we thought the kids were asleep. The next day at the grocery store as I was wandering around trying to find something, I said "Mommy can't find anything in this store today.' My beautiful 2 year old replied, "just f %$^# it". Needless to say, we no longer watched R rated movies until we were sure the kids were asleep.
JessiWeigelHobgood JessiWeigelHobgood 5 years
Using the public restroom with a three year old is challenging enough, but afterwards as we continued our grocery shopping I could tell my daughter had a question about the events that took place in the stall. I leaned over she whispered a question in my ear and I whispered my response back, "that was a tampon, sweetie". My relief was short lived because just moments after I had answered her question she asked me very loudly, "Mommy, did that tang pon come out of your butt or your hootie hoo?!" I covered my face with my hands as I laughed hysterically. I have no clue if anyone else laughed including the very ederly couple in front of us. Hopefully they were really hard of hearing.
AprilDeGrande AprilDeGrande 5 years
When my now 10 year old daughter was 4, we went shopping and she was not allowed to wonder out of my sight range. She would pretend to hide at the other end of the grocery aisle that I was shopping in but, always peeked out so I could see where she was. We had just recently taught her about Stranger Danger and the things she should do if she ever got approached by a stranger. She remembered the lesson well and decided to share part of it as loudly as she could when a middle aged man approached myself, coming up on the side of my shopping cart to ask about a product. From the other end of the aisle when she peeked over to me and saw the man standing within feet of me, talking to me, she yelled... "Hey Mom, just kick him in the pee-pee"! Everyone around else looked and the man got quiet and just stood there. Needless to say I started to chuckle and rolled my cart forward down the aisle away from the man to catch up with her and explain that I was not in any danger but thanks for watching my back! Lol....we still laugh about it to this day... The only other time I was totally embarrassed by her that really stands out in my mind is when she was about 4 years old when again we were out shopping, she was in the front seat of the cart and while looking at some woman's clothing in the middle of the aisle as I was moving the cart forward the wheel got stuck on a piece of hanger on the floor and made a loud "squeek" noise when all of a sudden she yells.....(wait for it...) "Don't worry everybody my Mom just farted". I could feel myself turn red and I just cracked up, she was hysterical and some of the "older" woman around us didn't find it funny as they walked away. However, there were several younger girls that were quite amused in the next isle!
LornaORegan LornaORegan 5 years
My wee girl as a toddler couldn't pronounce certain consonant sounds (as it goes with toddlers) so one day in a shop she said: "Mummy! Look at the big cock up there!" Yup she was pointing to a clock on the wall to which I said very loudly - "Oh yes I see the CLock!"
KristyDickinson KristyDickinson 5 years
My 4 year old has ADHD, and so sometimes his behaviors added with his hyperactivity can be overwhelming. I often have to let him know that it is too much, and I need him to settle down and give me my space. Unfortunately I don't always have the patience to say it that calmly. One day, while checking out at Hannaford, my son repeatedly asked me to buy him a new matchbox car, to which I replied, "Not today, Mama doesn't have the money." About the fifth time I said this to him, he looks at me and goes, "Rrrrr, Mama you driving me nuts!" and then continued to say it. The cashier just kind of looked at me knowingly. I was totally mortified.
JessicaSmith74709 JessicaSmith74709 5 years
I wasn't very good at watching my language around my daughter when she was very little, and one morning when she was about three, she walked up to her father while he was at the computer and very POLITELY asked him "Daddy, might I sit of your fucking lap, please?" He gave me such a look - I hid behind the couch.
RebeccaMiller20287 RebeccaMiller20287 5 years
My oldest was the only one who said things that embarrassed me in public. He loved to play with his toy trucks, but unfortunately could not say truck...needless to say I was constantly saying, "He said 'truck', really". He also walked into our front room when we had guests visiting and announced, "I have a penis" so I was a lot harder to shock with my other children.
RoseHoward RoseHoward 5 years
When my son was 5 years old, he just loved power rangers, and his favorite quote was "shift to the turbo", but he could not say it right. We were at the grocery store one day and as we were standing in line to check out. My darling little son shouted as loud as he could - "Hey mommy, shit to the turbo." I thought we were going to lose half the people in line to the laughter. All I could do was grin sheepishly, pay for my groceries and leave. I was really glad that nobody knew me.
GenevieveOlivier69852 GenevieveOlivier69852 5 years
My husband was grocery shopping with our then 2.5 year old when she said she needed to go to the bathroom. So he took her. Since we are a family that talk about our bodies openly while she was peeing she decided to ask "Daddy where is your vagina?". To which my husband had to say "Daddies dont have vaginas hunny we have penises like how we explained that the dog has a penis". To which she says "Can I see your penis?" And hubby said "No hunny Im sorry but you cant". All of this in very matter of fact loud toddler voice. There was a man in the next stall so my husband decided to wait in the stall a little while till the man had left so he didnt get any odd looks.
JosephinePablo JosephinePablo 5 years
My 3 yr old daughter and I were sitting in the doctor's waiting room. The front office lady gave us some questionnaire to fill out. When I was done with the papers, I placed them down on the empty seat beside me. My daughter then decided to play with them so I immediately said "let's play with your toys instead because we have to give those papers to the lady (as I was pointing towards the front office desk where the receptionist and another lady were chatting) my daughter looked towards them then looked back at me and said loudly "which lady mom? The black one or the white one?" I almost died! Hahaha
I made an extra spicy pizza and my 4 year old shouted from the bathroom "Mommy, you made me do a hot fart"
KellyMcGlaunFields KellyMcGlaunFields 5 years
My newely adopted 15 year old announced to an entire waiting room of people that this was the first time in her life that she had ever been to the dentist. A whole roomfull of people turned and glared at me.
hunnybunny41859 hunnybunny41859 5 years
My oldest daughter was getting ready for bed and asked, "Is God everywhere?" I replied, "Yes, God is everywhere. She stopped in her tracks and with a disgusted look on her face said, "Is HE in my UNDERPANTS?"
AnitaBurnham AnitaBurnham 5 years
My son says the darndest things all the time and I'm actually writing them all down now, but one particular memorable moment, he excused himself from the dinner table to go to the restroom. A couple minutes later he calls out, "It's okay mom, I'm just in the bathroom playing with my penis!" Did I mention we were living with the in-laws at the time? Too funny!
PatsyGonzales PatsyGonzales 5 years
We were at my nephew's rehearsal dinner and the staff served seniors and children first. My father and my sons were seated together quite a distance from me and next to my niece's husband. He had recently gained quite a bit of weight and was very sensitive about it. When the waitress brought the dessert, she served my father and my sons because of their ages and moved on. My youngest, called out to me, "Mom, doesn't the fat guy get any ice cream?"
christyGrieshaber christyGrieshaber 5 years
Having just moved to a new city we accepted an invitation to attend church with our new neighbors. During the offering my son then four saw me put a ten dollar bill in the envelope and piped up over the soft guitar music " Mommy, Daddy says if you don't quit giving all our money away we'll never get out of the hole" You could have heard a pin drop!! I explained we would let God worry about that but Daddy had some explaining to do!
ChelloreKnudtson ChelloreKnudtson 5 years
One afternoon my son and I were having lunch with my greatgrandpa who is a pastor and some of our extended family. The table was silent and he looks up at me with this huge smile and says "mama...I'm so happy my heart is gonna come out my butthole!" He was about 2 and a half at the time. My mom with a small grin says "so...where did he pick that up..." I scopped him up and rushed to the back to have a chat with him.
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