Skip Nav
WARNING: This Is What Happens When You Visit a Newborn Without a Mother's Permission
Your Boob Size and 11 Other Ways to Tell If You're Having a Boy or a Girl
Personal Essay
Dear Breastfeeding Moms, Is It Really That Hard to Cover Up?

10 Things I Never Would Have Said Before I Became a Parent

10 Things I Never Would Have Said Before I Became a Parent

Becoming a parent has been the single most rewarding and challenging experience of my life. Being a Mom has opened my heart and given real meaning to unconditional love. Motherhood has taught me so much already, and I learn even more day by all the things I would have probably never said before I became a parent. Now, phrases like these are commonplace in my vocabulary:

  1. Get that (crayon, Lego, carrot, finger) out of your nose!
  2. Get that (crayon, Lego, carrot, finger) out of your brother's nose!
  3. Who put my cell phone in the toilet?
  4. Sure! I'd love to watch some more Wiggles!
  5. You spit that in my hand right now!
  6. Please, for the last time, do not pee in the sprinkler!
  7. Why is there a toad in my kitchen sink?
  8. Do I have to remind you that we keep our pants on in McDonalds?
  9. If you two keep up that farting contest, someone is going to poop in their pants and then you'll both be in trouble!
  10. From the movie Baby Mama. "Is that poop or chocolate?"

What kind of things do you find yourself saying that you would have never dreamed of before you became a parent?  Leave me a comment below and let me know!

Award winning blogger Susan McLean can be found writing about her daily adventures in Motherhood over at The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.  Connect with her and thousands of like-minded Mamas on Facebook for some fun, and don't miss her on Twitter either!


Image Source: Photo by Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Join The Conversation
HeatherNovak HeatherNovak 5 years
OH yes...5, 8 and 10 are my ALL time favs. I look forward to trying them out.
StephanieSymes StephanieSymes 5 years
I have a 2yr old nephew that, like my son, is not circumsized, and we are constantly telling him not to stick things in his foreskin!
SarahFlowers69011 SarahFlowers69011 5 years
I was constantly having to tell my son to "put it away. No one wants to see that." when he would run thru the house naked when he was younger. But I guess he was just a proud little boy. Now that he is a little older, I have to actually tell him to stop licking the windows (or cars)!
CoMMember13631158058939 CoMMember13631158058939 5 years
One of my cats is nearly hairless thanks to a recent flea infestation and a bad dust mite allergy and it's not growing back very vest so everything on him is very...obvious. My toddler has recently discovered the cat's bum and one day I found myself shouting, "Don't poke the kitty in the anus!"
CoMMember13631158058939 CoMMember13631158058939 5 years
"Get your hand out of your butt!" (My toddler gets eczema for some reason right at the top of his butt crack and I keep finding him with one hand down the back of his pants scratching away. He'll scratch until it bleeds so I keep shouting, "Get your hand out of your butt!")
kaseyatim kaseyatim 5 years
are you really licking the pee off your hand?!?! So, does it taste good?!?! (during a tantrum my 3 year old was having, he went potty and got a little on his hand, when I brought it to his attention he licked it!)
kaseyatim kaseyatim 5 years
Put your foot back in the sink!
Jessica16373 Jessica16373 5 years
I have a potty training 2yo, so I have had to ask "Is that poop or chocolate?" several times! Other phrases I have said... "Stop licking my toe!" "Stop licking my pants!" Get that bug out of your mouth!" and most recently (Sunday) "Step in the garbage bag so I can carry you to the shower." My 2yo had diarrhea. And for anyone wondering, I have 3 daughters and no sons. My 4yo used to be obsessed with licking things and putting the weirdest stuff in her mouth.
CoMMember13617408599046 CoMMember13617408599046 5 years
"Dont wipe your nose on the dog"
KateRichards3463 KateRichards3463 5 years
Pls stop taking off your clothes at your friends houses I am getting calls from their parents, Why are you hoarding food in your room it is like a Easter egg hunt in here everyday, Stop peeing outside, I know you can pee standing up even though you are a girl but you still have to pee inside, Do you realize I could find you if you were ever lost by following the shredded Kleenex trail you leave everywhere, Stop singing the naked song and at least put on some under ware, Stop licking the TV Rubbing spit all over yourself is not the same as taking a bath.
KristinRetallack KristinRetallack 5 years
"Get that coin out of your mouth, you're not a money box!"
ChasityPerkins80790 ChasityPerkins80790 5 years
one more is.. NO you can not call your puppy dogs in your space ship..he says They need FOOD MOMMY!!... and i had to tell him i would send them
ChasityPerkins80790 ChasityPerkins80790 5 years
Yesterday the teacher called and told me she is having problems...I had to tell my son... No you can not fire your teacher. And please stop farting in your friends faces they don't like it... lol i love it
LauraWalsh361 LauraWalsh361 5 years
My husband told my son today " Why are you licking mommy's deoderant. It doesn't taste like what it smells like and by the way do you go around licking peoples arm pits? After he said it we just shook our heads and laughed. Life with a 2 y o sooo fun.
CoMMember13631172301906 CoMMember13631172301906 5 years
No! Just because your cousin hit you first does not mean you can hit him back! To my three year old: No you can not call your friend on my cell phone (it was an imaginary friend)
CoMMember13631172301906 CoMMember13631172301906 5 years
I never thought that I would get up in a room of adults and say that "I had to go potty"
VeronicaGoff VeronicaGoff 5 years
No sword fighting before school
KamillaOstwald KamillaOstwald 5 years
go take a shower & USE SOAP! Keep your hand out of your brothers butt! Honey, don't eat candy you FIND at the vending machine! yuck! lol
ClarrissaDupre ClarrissaDupre 5 years
My 4 year old son rushing to the bathroom, disrobing the entire, "do you have to poop?", his reply, "yes, I have to poo!!", my response, "well, I can't help you wipe your bottom because I'm doing my nails!"...NEVER thought I'd say that one.
CathyFlynn69013 CathyFlynn69013 5 years
Keep the balloons away from the ceiling fan!!
CoMMember13631032923305 CoMMember13631032923305 5 years
"Stop mooing at the cat"
JacquiHughes65221 JacquiHughes65221 5 years
Daughter yells "He keeps farting on me!" I yell back, "Just move!"
JillMcDonald14249 JillMcDonald14249 5 years
My favorite one was: "why is your brother covered in mud?" and "where was Dad when you were covering him in mud?". I have photographic proof which means that one of them actually stopped to take a picture before hosing him down!!!
TabathaPerkins TabathaPerkins 5 years
We used to have a chihuahua named Tippy. He was my son's dog and starting at about a year and a half old, I had to start yelling, "You can't ride the dog!" My son is awful, but he and my daughter keep life interesting!
ShanaHorner ShanaHorner 5 years
"Your penis is NOT a gun, stop shooting people with it!" "We do NOT lick the bus stop." "I'm sorry, he's a boob honker." "We do not ride the dog lick a small horse." "Let go of the dog's eyelid!" "Get that apple out of your nose!" "We do NOT shove our naked penis is people's faces and yell Ta-da!" "Point it down (potty training my son) and pee in the toilet. NO! Don't put your head on the seat to do it!"
Easy Ways to Potty Train Boys
How to Stop Sibling Rivalry in Kids
Teaching Kids Self-Control
What to Do When You Feel Like a Failure As a Mom
From Our Partners
Latest Moms
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds