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5 Reasons to Have Only One Child

5 Reasons to Have Only One Child

Why do some people make you feel like it's a crime to have only one child, ask Circle of Moms member Rogina C. She just wants to say “chill out” to her doctor, friends, parents, and the many strangers in the grocery store aisle who keep asking when she's going to have another baby.
If, like Rogina, you're "one and done," here are some great responses, all suggested by Circle of Moms members, to those annoying questions posed by your well-intending friends and family.

1. One Child Completes Our Family

For many Circle of Mom members and their spouses, one child is simply enough. As Rogina C. says of her 7-month-old, “Don't get me wrong, we are very happy about having our son, but we knew even when I was pregnant that our family was complete with just him.” 

The definition of “family” varies for everyone. As Kathy H. says, “We decided to be a one-child family after years of unexplained infertility after our daughter was born. We are very happy and I don’t care what other people think or say. Being a family of three is fine for us." 


2. Finances, Fertility, and Age

Other Circle of Moms members point out that life circumstances and fertility impose real limitations on family size, and that they are not to be scoffed at. Kids are expensive, and families have a right to chose what works for their own economic circumstances. "There is nothing wrong about deciding to have one child for fiscal reasons," says Jessica W. “Seriously, having another child [brings] on a huge financial obligation that can be career changing for one parent or the other. If I had a relative to care for another child, I could support another baby. I would love, love to have another. But the real nature of the situation is we are not financially able to." Then there's the question of fertility and age. As Heather D. shares, “The decision was out of our control to a certain extent... We felt that age was against us. I didn't fancy (and I still don't) being 60 when our child was 18."


3. Only Doesn’t Mean Lonely

Despite what some may say, only children aren’t necessarily lonely children. ”It is a parent's responsibility to see to it that our children are not lonely,” says Sharon C., a mom of one. “As a working mom, my son was exposed to both in-home child care plus traditional daycare settings. He is active in sports and in the community. He has lots of friends and I always welcome kids to come and play. While cousins never replace siblings, my son is close in age to his two boy cousins. They also live locally so it's never an issue to have all the boys over here.”

4. Only Children Learn Independence

Being an only child has its advantages, including the fact that only children sometimes learn to be very independent and resourceful. “I was an only child for most of my childhood,” says Tracy C. “When I had step siblings we hated each other. LOL. I learned to entertain myself when I wasn't with friends. I learned how to deal with things on my own and how to be alone."

5. More Individual Attention

Having one child allows parents to be more attentive. “Spending so much time with one child benefits them,” says Amber H. “My husband and I wanted to wait to have another child in order to ensure our daughter got as much attention during her formative years as possible. Because of our dedication solely to her, my daughter was able to be potty trained by nine months, speak in complete sentences by one, read by age three, do addition and subtraction by five, and is now learning Spanish and Japanese. She also gets all A's and has been given several community awards."  


Many Circle of Moms members say they embrace their choice to have one child and wouldn’t have it any other way. “There is nothing wrong with only having one child,” says Wanda P. “I am an only child and I have an only child... As long as you love them and teach them to be responsible, honest adults, they will be fine. So will you... having just one child was awesome for me.”

 Ultimately, moms need to remember that they don’t have to make excuses for choosing to have one child. As Tracey C. says, “Your reproductive choices are frankly none of anyone else’s business. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sticking with one, be it [because of] fertility issues or simply because you don't want another. It's no one else's place to criticize another for their choice to stick with one.”

How do you feel about having one child?

Image Source: via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

TracyHargraves TracyHargraves 5 years
I was blessed with a precious boy that is now 9 years old. I was advised by my Dr. not to have any more babies. My husband and I did look into adopting and have talked with our son about it, now that he is older and he says no way. He doesn't want a sibling. I have a sister that I am very close to, so it always bothered me that he would never share that bond with a sibling. It made me sad about a month ago when he came to me and said "Mom, I will never be an Uncle" but he corrected himself right away and said "But, when I get married my wife may have a sibling and then I will be an Uncle". So, that made me feel better, LOL.
sorayaclutters sorayaclutters 5 years
Thanks for this article I have one child andshe is 10 daily I am pressurized by people about having another child that I am beginning to feel guilty for having just 1
LucienneCroft LucienneCroft 5 years
i have one child, and am an only child myself. the benefits are amazing, i don't want anymore children ... thats just how it is.
DeannaMcCoy13840 DeannaMcCoy13840 5 years
Now that I've read everyone else's comments, the only thing I have left to that it is ridiculous to assume that all people with large families are on welfare. Almost everytime I go to the grocery store with all my kids, the checker asks me if I have my WIC card. Um, no. How silly. It's called a college education & a job...that's what I card. ;) Just as a tip: if you'd like a big family, consider nursing. I only work Friday & Saturday nights, & make four times more than I used to make working five days in an office when I was younger. No daycare for us. It's like I'm a SAHM, but I'm not! :))
RuthUttley RuthUttley 5 years
If a culture doesnt sustain something like an average of 2.5 children per family, a culture will die. North America is almost to the point of no return. Greece is already there. So, be happy with your one baby, while each muslim woman (world wide) gives birth an average of 8 times.
DaynaLee DaynaLee 5 years
AMEN! Don't tell me to crank out more kids and I won't tell you to stop. All my friends have more then one child and I am happy for them. I respect their choice and I love all their little kiddos dearly. I know my limitations, both physically, emotionally, mentally and financially. What's truly funny is that it's never my parents or in-laws that prod us about having more kids. It's always people outside our family. I truly feel our family is complete as is.
SherryLynnHallam SherryLynnHallam 5 years
This is such a touchy subject. Our daughter is 7 and we are still being asked when the next one is coming or that we really need to have another one. Our reasons for having just one, were undetermined infertility and finances. So our daughter is our miracle. There are days when I wish we had been able financially and fertility wise to have one more, but my husband and I feel that it was not in plans. I don't think people mean to be hurtful, but that question is,to us at least.
MaryPotter60043 MaryPotter60043 5 years
Why have any kids? They only shit on your later in life!!!
JenniHanstedt JenniHanstedt 5 years
and when you adopt. that experience is wonderful and all encompassing. one time was just right.
DeannaWorkman DeannaWorkman 6 years
I think it's sad these days that people are so stuck on how expensive it is to raise kids. In the old days they had large families and many didn't have much money, but they still managed to make it. Children don't need to have everything that opens and shuts. These days they too spoilt. I feel sorry for children that grow up only children, what a lonely existence for them.
MargaretIannessa MargaretIannessa 6 years
Well said Trish. It doesn't matter how many children you have or why. We should all just support each other not label.
YumiraVichot YumiraVichot 6 years
I have four kids and they complete me, im also a single mom i,think that have a big family its really nice but I also admit that you can't give quality time to so many kids I would like to put them in different classes like karate, music, dance,etc. and my financial situation doesnt alow me to do that neather cover their needs so if you have one child or 4 as long as they have what they really need which is quality time its fine
FranciRogers FranciRogers 6 years
Having siblings is no guarantee of anything. I have a friend with four siblings and she is the only one who supports and cares for her aging parents. The only thing she gets from her siblings is grief! The "it will be harder as they get older" argument just doesn't have a bit of merit. I watched my mother care, completely alone, for her mother-in-law after my father passed away. She had no help from the woman's own children (and there were 8 of them)! So, it would also seem that whether or not you have siblings has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you are selfish!
CherylForbes CherylForbes 6 years
I think as a mother, we always need to be open to children. It is not healthy to use birth control. So sad to justify not accepting the gift of life.
NeridaCain NeridaCain 6 years
I'm glad to see an article supporting parents who can only have one child due to whatever reason. I have a 3 year old boy and due to bad back problems, age and financial stress we cannot have another one. I get tired of people saying you should have another when they dont know your circumstances. To me it would be selfish to bring another child into the world unless you have the health, money and support to do so. We need to more focus on what we do have as opposed to what we dont have. I am blessed and very happy with one.
SharonHOnza SharonHOnza 6 years
I have 3 children and would have had more if I had had any wisdom in my earlier years. : ) From the families I have met over the years with what we have defined as large famiies (5 up to 14) I have learned so much! I have learned that I can totally trust God for His provision. He is faithful to His children and in the 'business' of blessing those who call Him Father. No, the larger families have not been able to provide expensive cars or an expensive education for all of their children but none have gone without a car or sufficient academic studies. I have been in awe of those who manage large broods, watching them value each other instead of things and realizing that all the stuff we acquire on this earth will not matter in the long run but that all the relationships built on the foundation of love will go with them into eternity. Please don't call me religious, but you can call me a person who has faith in our Creator. If He is able to set the earth in motion, He is able to provide for ALL of our needs, and that includes the needs of every little one you so desire in your heart.God bless! : )
trishytwotimes trishytwotimes 6 years
Katherine, I don't think you should worry about what God thinks. Worry about hurting others with your words pray very hard to be a kinder person.
AnniceCulp AnniceCulp 6 years
I think the issue here is that more and more women are putting off having children. Till they feel they have the optimum in personal success and income. While I currently agree children are costly. There is nothing more valuable to me then my two munchkins. They complete me as some one who was raised by an only child. By parents who had her late in life. I know the value of having siblings. Adult with deceased parents and no siblings. Is that much more dependent on their children for emotional support. Which siblings can provide.
LauraWalker18725 LauraWalker18725 6 years
Wow, I can't believe all of the ignorant religious references. I'm not religious, so don't add your religious thinking, it doesn't mean anything to me. I believe in God, and I believe that God gave me a brain so I could make my own choices, not just sit back and wait for what ever is going to happen. And, I do believe in birth control. I absolutely kills me when I see people who have one baby after the other, and on welfare! I don't want to support babies I didn't plan for, and that's what happens the tax payer pays for all of those children. I have a lot of respect for people who plan for, and can take care of their own children, no matter how many they have.
LauraWalker18725 LauraWalker18725 6 years
I agree with the person that said there is no magic number. My parent's had six children, and I remember feeling angry at them for something I felt I wasn't getting because they had six children. So one day while feeling angry, I said to my parent's during the dinner hour,"You shouldn't have had so many children!" I think I wasn't getting the cheerleading outfit I wanted, something very self centered. My dad looked at me at the dinner table and said, "You choose the ones we shouldn't have had, you pick them!" That changed my thinking. I've been married twice and the first time I had one child, and that was enough. However, when my daughter was still young, I divorced and raised her by myself (no money from the deadbeat dad). I did remarry when my daughter was eighteen, and we ended up having one son. . . my daughter was 20 by then. After that, My husband and I decided that we'd rather have one, or two more, so we adopted. We adopted a little girl, but found out she had a brother a year older, so we adopted them both. I hadn't planned on adopting two children, but that's what happened. So now we had one birth son age four, and two adopted children, one daughter age two, and a son age three. So, I totally get the "I only want one" thinking. However, I had two birth children twenty years apart, and adopted two that were the same age as my son. . . boy was I busy!!! They're all teenagers now. We have the drama queen, the football star, and Justin Bieber! My grown daughter now in her thirties, has two little ones of her own, and she's done! She was done after the first one, but had a surprise when the first one was three months old, she was in her thirties! I'll be in my late fifties when the last one graduates high school! I was in my thirties when my daughter graduated H.S. . . I think the first two should qualify me as having two only children, and adopting two! LOL
CatharineHebdon CatharineHebdon 6 years
I struggled to have one child due to gynaecological reasons and I have a friend who can't have children and had to adopt - we consider ourselves very lucky to have one child.
MeganDeloye MeganDeloye 6 years
We are only a family of three, four if you count our precious kitty cat, and we do count him, pets are like our children, at least to us anyway...b/c of health reasons, I do not want nor am I allowed to get pregnant again, my first and only with my son who is now 3 and brings up true happiness everyday, was a high risk pregnancy itself that found me bedridden until I was induced at the end. I have PCOS which makes it very hard to even get pregnant let alone having to medicinally make sure I didn't lose it, b/c I had had six miscarriages before my son. Rachel Tidwell is right, everyone is different and and everyone's expectations and wants of a family are different and EVERYONE should respect that!!!
elizabethdeighton elizabethdeighton 6 years
I am the opposite as I had 4 children, each one loved and wanted. However, you would have though tI had commited a crime. Surley every one should judge what is best for them
CamilleMoralesSuarez CamilleMoralesSuarez 6 years
I totally agree with this (quote):"There is nothing wrong about deciding to have one child for fiscal reasons," says Jessica W. “Seriously, having another child [brings] on a huge financial obligation that can be career changing for one parent or the other. If I had a relative to care for another child, I could support another baby. I would love, love to have another. But the real nature of the situation is we are not financially able to." I have two girls and I see what she means. If I had only stayed with one daughter a family member could take care of her, but can't take care of two... so I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I'm more than happy with my two girls but her point is EXTREMELY valid.
CoMMember13631171303412 CoMMember13631171303412 6 years
yes, finance and age has a lot to do with children. I am 40 and have 3 boys, the youngest one is 3 ..needless to say I wish i had them when i was at least 25. If you have children you will need to take care of them and more, and when you are older things are not the same.
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