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5 Tips for Helping Your Daughter Take the Sting Out of the Queen Bee

5 Tips for Helping Your Daughter Take the Sting Out of the Queen Bee

For the last two years, life for Deanna V.’s 16-year-old daughter has been like a real-life version of the movie Mean Girls, with episode after episode of the exclusive clique and reigning acid-tongued queen bees making her teen offspring’s life miserable.

“It’s been one drama after another,” writes the Circle of Moms community member in a post titled “Girls can be so cruel.“ “I’m not saying mine is totally innocent, but there is one main gal that can seem to snap her fingers and have them all in a tailspin.”

But recently after the tormentor called her daughter and friends just to ditch them before a dance, proclaiming her daughter too “mmature,” Deanna’s daughter stood up to the manipulating and controlling leader.


“My daughter finally put her in her place and did a good job of it and I was proud,” says Deanna. Sadly, her daughter revealed afterwards that the bully was going to “make my life hell tomorrow,” and spent the entire Sunday dreading to return to school on Monday.

Unfortunately, Deanna’s daughter’s experience underscores a phenomenon that is taking place in high schools across the country, where social cliques, strategic seating arrangements in school cafeterias, cyber bullying and mean girl queen bees are tormenting the nice kids who fall prey to them. For a parent, it is heartbreaking to stand on the sidelines watching these kids rule the school.

“Watching your child being rejected is so hard,” says Jane, who has put out a call to other moms in the Moms of Teens group for advice or tips from their experience. "She says she wants to handle it on her own and doesn't seem depressed, but I think she's socially anxious now as she won't go to dances, games, etc. I just want her to have a good high school experience. I can hardly stand to go to the school and volunteer or pick her up.”

So what’s a parent to do to help their teen navigate the school hallways and survive life with the queens of mean?

We culled the best ideas from the community and here is a list of five tips for helping your teen avoid defeat on the battleground of the bully:

1. Listen Up

Keeping the lines of communication open will keep you in the loop and help her feel like she is not alone. Open communication is very valuable to a teen dealing with mean girls.

2. Encourage New Friendships

Encourage your daughter to find a new circle of friends.

3. Be a Role Model

Model how caring, respectful people treat each other.

4. Phone Home

Tell her that she can always call you, text you, or reach out when she needs a shoulder to lean on.

5. Teach Her to Trust Her Gut

Encourage your daughter to pay attention to her feelings. If someone is being mean or rude or abusive to her, explain how important it is to heed those feelings and not to discount them. It’s better to walk away then be hurt.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

HollyBeck63853 HollyBeck63853 6 years
Your child should watch and see who else is being treated meanly, and which kids are not in league with the queen. She is not the only one. If all of the non queen 'clubers', boys and girls, start watching and sticking up for each other things can change. There are lots of people around in H.S. that don't like the bullying. But they don't know what to do, or mistakenly think it is none of their business. If those kids see your kid and others stick up for others and befriend each other, they will respect your child and like them more and are likely to follow their lead. This is called bystander behavior. Another thing to do is to get the school to run a poll on bullying. It will show that the vast majority of kids want a bully free school. Kids are more apt to fend off the queen bee if they know she and her followers are in the minority. It is the silence of the majority of kids that gives queens their power.
JaneWalters JaneWalters 6 years
it is sad how this a reflection of society we live in, i work with a group of ladies and the same applies at work, we have a queen bee, it can be very hard to challenge them but they must be otherwise they do it to others aswell.
TrinaLGrant TrinaLGrant 6 years
I have a little bit different take on this bullying issue than most people do. I believe the responsibility lies just as much with the parents of the bullies. Of course, we always hear that, but I don't mean in a punitive way. If people don't start paying less attention to themselves and more attention to their kids, children will continue to slide into this 'hell in a handbasket' pov we have for our society. This is so sad, not that we have have to teach our kids how to deal with bullies, but that now we apparently have to teach parents how to parent.
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