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6 Secrets Moms Keep to Spare Their Husbands

6 Secrets Moms Keep to Spare Their Husbands

One of the best things about being married is feeling comfortable enough that you can tell your spouse everything. But Circle of Moms member Amber L. is one of several members who keep secrets. Amber's is that she humors her husband into thinking he's helping her when he's not:

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful my husband cleans the house sometimes when he sees that I am busy or just because he wants to help out, but I would never tell him I sneak back into the kitchen and reload the dishwasher because he does it wrong. Am I the only one?”

Truth be told, there are some things it's best to keep to yourself when you're married. Here are six of the most common secrets moms keep from their husbands.



1. I Re-Do Your Chores

Tabitha F. is with Amber on her husband's lack of housekeeping prowess: “I fold my towels a certain way so that they fit on the shelf the way I like it. For nearly six months after we moved in together, I went behind his back and refolded them. I can’t tell him because if I did he would stop helping at all.”

2. Your Mother Really Annoys Me

In many cases, it's best to keep your true feelings about his mother under wraps, says Louise G.  “She is your husband’s mother, and no matter what you feel he will be torn between the two of you."

3. The Kids Say Mean Things About You

Another taboo subject that deserves to be mum’s the word to spare your husband’s feelings is “when your child says he doesn’t like daddy,” says Rachel C. “My three-year-old son has started randomly saying mean things about my husband. He says ‘I don't love Daddy.’  It would completely crush my husband, who would feel like he must be a bad father who can't connect with his kids."

Sharon B. experienced the same thing with her three sons, and also kept the boys' feelings to herself. “My boys every now and then say they hate Phil (my husband). . . .The best thing I found was to not react in any way to it, so pretty much ignore it and not tell my husband.”


4. Our Child Did Something That Will Make You Mad

When a member named Ann's son got his girlfriend pregnant, she felt it best to keep it from her husband, at least initially:

“Don’t jump the gun,” she advises. “I told my son not to tell his father till he makes sure she has gotten past the three months to make sure every thing is going to be okay. “My husband is a strong Catholic man and loves his kids dearly, however this will kill him. My son wants to tell everyone and be a man about all this, however not sure what would be the right time.”

5. I Love the Kids More Than I Love You

Also not a good idea – even if it is true – to tell your husband that you love your children more than him, advises member Alma M. “I wouldn’t tell him that your children come first before him,” she says.

6. The Thrill is Gone

There comes a point in many marriages, says Gabriela S., when “You’re just not that into him, and that feeling is something you might want to keep hush-hush."

Jennifer S. agrees, but reassures that, "Every marriage goes through phases, and you might change your mind. See if it passes before you say anything.”

What is one thing you would never tell your husband?

Image Source: via iStockphoto

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

MarisolAlindada MarisolAlindada 4 years
There is not point to a marriage without honesty. That is why most marriages fail. Would you lie to god if he was standing in your face. You don't have to lie to your spouse if you want to get something fixed or a point across for the other to understand you. How can you help a man grow into a strong spouse if his wife can even be straight up with him. Behind ever strong man is a strong women! If a man can't even handle his wife views or criticism, then how can he handle the real world. There is a way to approach everything. If you want something changed, or want something for him to learn properly tell him, come in love when telling him but be straight up! Your tone is everything! He will not pay attention if you are yelling. Tell your spouse that he is messing up with the kids, but tell him in a way of how would you feel if you were.. Whatever the child's name is. It takes a village to raise one child, so all hands in. The best way to live your life is honesty. Cut the bullcrap out and be adults. So I don't agree with this at all! Been married for 11 years and three boys. Marriage is the hardest thing to do but be strong and put your god first in everything you do and you can't go wrong!
RoxannaMedina RoxannaMedina 5 years
I HATE the way my husband washes the dishes! They come out still greasy and with dood still caked on, he knows how I feel and does make an effort, but I am really quick to point out if something is not clean. It's basic hygiene. I am a lousy houskeeper, there is the shelf for towels, just fold it any which way and don't worry about coordinating. It's only a matter of time before I have a Bipolar OCD moment and organize the linen closet! I do empty the dishwasher only because I own alot of pyrex and the kids don't get my system. I love my Mother in law because she only comes over, if, four times a year. We don't visit her becasue the kids and I are deathly allegic to cats and she has about fifty million in a small house. Not gonna happen, and she takes my side if her baby boy is doing soemthing wrong! My husband knows the kids ALWAYS come first and we love them before we love each other becasue we KNOW they will leave soon and we will have the rest of our lives together. But I do have things I don't tell him about, and he knows he is on a need to know basis. He gets upset, but he cannot do anything about it. It's not major stuff, but he blows things out of proportion and doesn't filter what comes out of his mouth causing even MORE damage. We have a strong bond and even I know he has kept some things from me, but they are not important.
DeniseAndersen DeniseAndersen 5 years
Ummm.. WHAT IN THE HECK??? I don't know even where to begin... #1: If you feel the need to redo the way he folds towels, that's a reflection on YOU, not him. Just because you're OCD, doesn't mean he did an inadequate job. Your statements regarding this insinuate that because he doesn't do it "your" way - that he's doing it incorrectly. Be happy you have the help... And perhaps cut down on the ego just a tad... #3: Why in the world WOULD you tell him something like that? And why in the world would your kids say something like that? You SHOULD be teaching your children that their words have consequences.. that they can't just spurt out whatever they feel like saying at the moment. The world doesn't revolve around them, and you're doing them a disservice when you let them believe it does. Your husband is helping provide a roof over their heads, food on their table, emotional and parental support... Allowing them to disrespect him is unfathomable to me. #4: You've GOT to be kidding here, right? Why do *you* get to choose what information your husband has about his own children? He himself is not a child.. quit treating him like one.... not to mention the pure dishonesty you are promoting here... #5: It troubles me why anyone would sit around and compare their kids to their husband. Why in the world would you feel the need to either A) figure out which one you love more, or B) ever even consider telling anyone something so stupid? And #6: Perhaps "you're just not into him" because your too busy being condescending about his chores, disrespecting him, lying to him, and being too focused on who you love more... This whole article smacks of narcissism. You've taken it upon yourself to criticize his contributions to the home, decide what information he is or isn't due regarding his own children, and then pat yourself on the back for being "discreet". Give me a break. BTW: Have you considered how you would feel if he treated you in the same manner? Throwing out the dinner you made and going to buy take-out because your lasagna doesn't stack up to his mothers? Lying to you or lying to you via ommission about your children? Deciding what you do and don't need to know regarding your own kids? Ugh....
CoMMember13613572502147 CoMMember13613572502147 5 years
I do Not agree with number 5. My husband and I have Always been very up front with each other about our relationship. Frankly, my love for my child is Unconditional. There is NOTHING my child could ever do that would make stop loving him. I am not Agree or Approve of something he does, but I will Always love him. My love for my husband, however, IS Conditional and he knows this. I love my husband dearly, but there are certain things that are unforgivable in a relationship. I have also told my husband to Never say he loves Me more than our child(ren).
CarolMorrisey CarolMorrisey 5 years
By the way, about re-doing his chores--telling him the way you like things done is fine if he's willing to accept criticism. But most men aren't and will just stop helping. My husband is one of those, that is, back when he was well enough to help. It is also good if he recognizes that the house is your area and things should be done your way. Again, many men think they should do things their own way, regardless of how you want it.
CarolMorrisey CarolMorrisey 5 years
I don't tell him how difficult it is to take care of him, now that he's older and has health issues. I don't talk about the mistakes he made as a father, because it wouldn't change anything. I am just trying to be patient and do what's best for him. But it's difficult when he tries to hold onto his independence even though he's not capable of being independent any more.
katGriffin katGriffin 5 years
wow, i;d like to know a mother, when people have the time to re do the chores? i am a mother of 3 and we are lucky if things get done - never mind doing them again. that is a real control issue - if people feel like they have to do their husbands chores again. my kids adore their dad and me so they arent saying horrid things about us behind our backs. wow things to spare your husband, more like the start of a relationship breakdown - by not communicating!!!!
cherielsin cherielsin 5 years
I do have to say, I agree with almost all of this....LOL
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