Sure, you'll never forget the day your child was born, but if you are one of those women who considers it "the best day of my life," we know what you're doing: you are lying through your f*cking teeth.
In a hilarious sketch on the Mother's Day edition of Saturday Night Live this weekend, host Amy Schumer gave moms a three-minute gift that is, no offense, better than any present your kids DIY for you this year.
Titled "The Day You Were Born," Amy's character is delivered a homemade Mother's Day breakfast in bed by her son. When he asks about the day he was born, she recounts it lovingly, telling him how happy it made her, that she "had a big smile on my face the whole time," and that he was "the most beautiful baby in the whole world."
Of course, flashbacks tell a different story, and they leave no painful ("don't cut my butthole in half!"), awkward ("am I pooping?!"), or demoralizing ("you are not a man!") moment untouched.
What makes it so funny, or perhaps so terrifying, is that it's 100 percent accurate. Leave it to moms to go through the torturous process of childbirth, then write it off as a blissful, euphoric memory they'd have again and again if they could.
So, maybe next year, you spring for a little more than a card and runny eggs, OK?