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Decision to Remain Childless

Do Parents Try Too Hard to Maintain Their Pre-Baby Lives?

Having a baby changes your life, but are some parents more willing to accept that than others? Mamas love to joke about aging faster than their childless counterparts and their lack of time for themselves, while their friends without lil ones running around just nod their heads in agreement.

In a recent essay in the New York Post, a "non-breeder" wrote about her decision to live life childless and her resentment of how society judges her. She suggested that many women seem to have children because they want to please someone else and they aren't ready to abandon their pre-baby lives for their offspring. She said:

“When people insist on having a kid but refuse to accept any of the sacrifices that go along with doing so, they're being selfish while trying to pass themselves off as saintly just for reproducing."

Last year a Park Slope bar had to put up a sign banning strollers from their premises after they became overrun by parents bringing their tots into the joint while they enjoyed a drink. Do you think parents are trying too hard to maintain their pre-child lives after welcoming additions to their families?

Join The Conversation
PinkUnicorn PinkUnicorn 8 years
#10 - Aimeeo was basically agreeing with you. She was telling another commenter that it was unreasonable to take a baby to happy hour and that the women should meet up at some other place that is already baby/stroller friendly. She wasn't saying that a bar should make itself stroller friendly.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 8 years
Abilew, the point of the "non-breeders" is that they are not in your shoes for a reason. They realize that they would have to make lifestyle changes that they don't want to make, so they have chosen not to have children. If you think you face judgment, you should think about what it's like to be in the shoes of those who are childless by choice.
Aimeelo Aimeelo 8 years
whats wrong with taking a baby to happy hour at a bar to meet up with some girls to chat? Many things. No one under 21 includes babies. I don't see anything wrong with meeting with the girls, but it should be at a baby friendly and stroller friendly place.
phatE phatE 8 years
i don't think it's a part of growing up {as a few of you mom's said}. i know many parents who are not grown up, and honestly the "grown up" thing to do is wait until you're ready and wanting the responsibilities and changes that come with having children.
Ericka Ericka 8 years
What exactly do people think parents should have to give up? I can see not taking the baby for a night out on the town, but what's wrong with bringing a baby to happy hour at a bar to meet up with some girls to chat? No museums, traveling, etc? Yah right why? You don't become a hermit just because you're a parent. You just do/plan things differently.
meandtheo meandtheo 8 years
i think it would be really sad for people to not "change" or evolve on their journey through life. growing and changing are a part of the natural progression in life, people that do not do this with big life changes(such as children) are going to have a hard time somewhere down the road and i feel sorry for their children...
Abilew Abilew 8 years
I think it all goes back to the point that, while many people are very enlightened and open-minded, like the first poster, many are not. You simply can't know what it's like to have a child until you have one. So for those people that call themselves "non-breeders" making judgments against those of us that are: I wonder what you would do in our shoes? I suspect many of those vocal enough to complain would be singing a different tune if they were (shudder to think) parents.
Smacks83 Smacks83 8 years
I think its kind of sad that bars need to even post the fact that you shouldn't bring strollers and babies in there.
Chrstne Chrstne 8 years
I can't speak from experience, but I do have intentions. I think you need to be more flexible when you have kids. You can't go out to a bar every night and stay out for hours. You can't just leave your partner for a week and leave them to deal with the children. You don't have to give up everything, though. Perhaps giving up the late nigh binge drinking is a part of getting older in general. Some people say that when you have kids you can't travel, you can't go to museums or art galleries or ever out to dinner. They say you have to change your house to fit your baby and maybe even give up some things you had -- like dogs, or certain furniture. My parents and my boyfriend's parents beg to differ. He traveled his entire life. So did I. My mom got into an argument with my grandma because she (grandma) swore up and down that I would break things, ruin furniture, etc., and my mom said that I would learn to adapt to this life, and nothing would change. I adapted, never broke a single thing, never got seriously hurt. We always went out to dinners and breakfasts, and people would compliment my parents on our behavior. We always traveled, like I said -- and never had screaming fits and never were disaster kids. If my BF had the same life, and our parents were similar -- it.s obviously in how you raise them. My mom says all the time we never hindered their lives. They even had time alone! Twice a week they'd go on a date. If you feel like you have to "give up" things to have a baby..don't have one. Babies are supposed to be an addition to your life, not a human that keeps you from doing the things you want to do. If you feel resentment because you can't go out and party all the time -- take a look at how old you are and realize it would change anyway. If you feel pissed because you have to get up in the middle of the night for a while, fine. Just don't have a baby until you can get over the fact that SOME habits have to change. Not all, but some.
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