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Do Paternal Grandparents Take a Backseat to Maternal Ones?

Do Paternal Grandparents Take a Backseat to Maternal Ones?

One grandmother I know got right to the point saying she loved her grandson more than her son and daughter . . . combined!

Many new mamas have that irreplaceable natural bond with their own mom, making the maternal grandma the go-to for advice and assistance. A recent article by author Barbara Graham questioned whether paternal grandparents play second fiddle to maternal ones. Mothers and fathers have no issue calling their daughters to ask about their grandbabies, but paternal grandparents have to go through their sons or daughters-in-law for information.

Do you find this to be true?


Join The Conversation
macneil macneil 8 years
"why it's wrong that the maternal grandparents go to their daughter for info, but the paternal grandparents "have to" go through their son? I mean, what's the difference?" Agree with this and every word of your comment.
Pencils Pencils 8 years
My MiL died right after we became engaged, so she never knew our daughter. If she had lived, I would have done my best to give her time with the baby--I know my MiL would have adored her. My mom watches my daughter while we work, so of course she and my dad have a great relationship with her.
macneil macneil 8 years
In my case, yes. But look, that article made me wince. Why was the woman hanging around her daughter in law and her mother when they were caring for the newborn? If her mum was there, she didn't need her mother in law. And for new mothers, it's not about help with the baby, it's about help with themselves, and a lot of mother in laws don't realise that. My mother in law came to stay for a week after my c-section and let me cook for her every night, did not do any cleaning or shopping, or even tidy the kitchen after I'd cooked. She sees me only as someone who has her son's babies. I know not all mothers in law are like that, but they are naturally more interested in the grandchildren than the mothers of those children. And although I feel bad that my m-i-l doesn't see as much of my children as my mother does, it is not straightforwardly about the grandchildren, or fairness of access to them. Really, I think no one has a right to see their grandchildren, and I will be heartbroken if I can't get to see mine as much as I want, but I still think it's the case. I had a relationship with my mother that predated the children and that relationship is the same now, I see her all the time. My husband had a relationship with his mother that predated the children, where he hardly ever saw her. We see her more now, but you can't suddenly make a relationship of incredible closeness where there wasn't one just because she wants the children. My mother in law wants time alone with my children all the time, but my eldest is scared of my father in law. Why would I leave her with someone who terrifies her? I know it's unfair and bad, but it's not about favouring one parent, it's about the relationships that are already in place.
jessyz jessyz 8 years
That is so true, my mother and I are close, so she's closer to my daughter than my in-laws. My in-laws never call me anyways.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
my in-laws are not a resource in any way.
jellybean29 jellybean29 8 years
This is so true on my part. My parents and I are so close, I go to them with almost everything. I try to include my in-laws in as much as possible but at the end of the day when life throws something crazy up I go to my parents.
sciencegeek sciencegeek 8 years
I call my maternal grandparents by their first name,not Nanny and Grandan as I do my paternal. My maternal never took care of me and my sister and during both our lives they were absent, only seen at christmas sometimes. Birthday cards were never to granddaughter's but were generic. I have always found this disappointing as my mother would speak on the phone to her mother every weekend, but fra would never wish to speak to either me nor my sister. I have recently had a baby, and although his father is not involved (we are both very young and he has a different girlfriend that he hasn't told about his son) his parents in particular, his father, ring me most weekends to find about how is grandson is, and how he's developing, i send emails including photos etc. every weekend. Although i am extremely upset by my ex i am touched at his parents involvement. However has he grows up I'd imagine it will be difficult for my baby to maintain a relationship with his paternal grandparents and it'll be my own mother and father who become Nana and Grampa
sofi sofi 8 years
My mom is definitely more involved than than my in-laws. The in-laws and I completely get along and speak to the kids often (since we are long distance), but because I speak to my mother basically everyday and she can visit more, she interacts with them the most. Hey, I wouldn't mind having grandparents around more often, but they don't make that big of an effort to come out and we just can't travel all the time.
jimpolandy jimpolandy 8 years
I was closer to my maternal grandmother and I think that my family is closer to my parents. I think it is kind of natural that a daughter relates to her mother after she has children. I am also the schedule maker in my house and I'm usually planning holidays, etc. with my family first. My husband's family just isn't as close as mine.
meandtheo meandtheo 8 years
my MIL is awesome...she was born to be a mom and now that that period is over she is officially gammy, that is her full time job. unfortunately for me it is my nieces and nephews that get the lions share of her time because we live in different states...that said when my daughter is with my MIL i know she is good hands, having the time of her life all while getting health snacks and doing something she loves. I am truly blessed to have such a great MIL...i am due with my second in early september and she has already lined up a temporary rental down the street so she can help out when he arrives!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
well mine think Harry Potter is satanic and they disagree with so many other things that are important to me. They have all but emasculated their own sons and robbed their kids of any sort of tools to make it in the real world. I wont allow that to happen to my wee one. I wouldnt even trust them to babysit, or to let my child stay the night.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 8 years
LOL CG oh I never said I "liked" having my mother in law be so involved... we've had to do quite a bit of damage control over the years. But she is definitely more involved and engaged in the children than my parents.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
THis will be true in my case. the less my MIL and FIL have influence the better.
Smacks83 Smacks83 8 years
I love all my grandparents, all for different reasons. My paternal grandma died when I was six so I don't remember tto much about her. I have been wondering about this for my own child (well, someday) because I don't get along with my bf's mother at all and I doubt I would be asking her advice on anything (she has always treated my bf more like a friend than a son, like taking him to r-rated movies when he was like four!)
kia kia 8 years
I suppose the father's relationship to his family too.
kia kia 8 years
I think it depends on the mother's relationship to her family as well as how close grandparents live to the family.
pinkprincess1101 pinkprincess1101 8 years
Not the case at all. My future MIL is very involved, as is my mother but the MIL beats her by a margin.
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