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Do You Ever Recover from a Miscarriage?

Do You Ever Recover from a Miscarriage?

“I feel like there is a huge black hole sucking me deeper and deeper. How do I cope?” asks mom of two and Circle of Moms member Jackie M.

The experience of loss many women have after a miscarriage is hard to describe. But Circle of Moms members talk about their shattered confidence in their ability to carry a baby to term, which is intimately tied to their sense of femininity.

“It is very stressful after a miscarriage...because you always have that fear that something is going to happen again and always wonder what you could have done differently. After a time it goes away, but will always be in the back of your mind,” says Jennifer H.


She’s not the only woman expressing doubts about the ability to have a baby after miscarriage. With two losses behind her, Joanie S. writes “I am so scared because of the past." And another mom shares, anonymously, that she was “an emotional wreck" before delivering a healthy child. “I was afraid everything I did was going to cause a miscarriage, or if I had some weird pain, I felt like I was going to miscarry again.”

As the non-profit states, the emotions shared by these women are not unusual: “The emotional impact can usually take longer to heal than the physical impact." But how long that grieving will take is as varied as women are themselves. 

“I don’t think there is any quick fix for this. You never really forget it, just hurts less over time,” shares Sarah C.

“It is not an easy thing to cope with and you will never forget the loss you have had. But it does get easier,” writes Helen E.--after seven miscarriages.

And Ella H. reassures that “coping with miscarriage is a very personal experience that every woman will do differently."

How Quickly Should You Try Again?

While many women naturally want to try conceiving again as soon as possible, many moms who’ve been through miscarriage recommend against it.

“I wouldn't rush it. Don't try to replace. A lot of people say that they don't, but they do,” says Aisha G. 

And as Dianne C. points out, “Your emotional recovery is important.”

Tracey A. can relate. She miscarried at 12 weeks and was pregnant again three months later. The pregnancy, which should have been a period of happy anticipation, turned torturous as she fell into mourning for the child she’d lost.

“Three months into that pregnancy, I was a total mess because it was the due date of the baby I baby girl was born six days before the first anniversary of my miscarriage. I was a complete wreck for weeks, suddenly having a newborn and trying to deal with all this grief that hit me without warning. I was going out of my mind because I didn't feel bonded with my new baby. A lot of the time I was feeling guilty for missing the baby I lost, because...if he had been born his younger sister would not exist. I almost drove myself mad thinking too much.”

Could You Handle Another Miscarriage?

Moms who've been through it say that processing the emotions that come with the loss of one child before the arrival of another is critical. As Stephine B. shares, “The one question you should ask yourself is ‘can I handle another miscarriage so close together if that’s what happens.’ Just be honest with yourself."

She and other moms suggest taking practical steps toward emotional healing, including talking about your feelings rather than bottling them up.

“It took me a while to be ok about (my miscarriages) and to be able to talk about them. But when I did talk it helped me,” shares Leanna H.

Then she took an even more deliberate step toward healing. For each of her four miscarriages, Leanna got a cross tattoo with a rose.

Joanie S. also designed a ritual to help her let go: together with her 6 year-old daughter, she released “baby balloons" into the sky in remembrance of two subsequent pregnancies that ended in miscarriages. When she posted in March 2010 she was pregnant again, but had not yet told her daughter.

If I miscarry again I don't want her to be hurt. I am haunted by the loss,” she says.

They say time can heal all wounds, but they don't say anything about the removal all scars.

“It's an incredibly painful thing to experience and you just have to allow yourself to grieve,” advises Micah M.

Perhaps the best advice on dealing with miscarriage and on deciding when to try again comes from Jennifer H., who went on to deliver five healthy children after a miscarriage.

Do what your heart tells you, not anyone else."

Image Source: Nathan and Jenny via Flckr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

krittle krittle 4 years
I have had 2 miscarriages and am now preggaz for a 3rd time in 14 months, I will never get over the loss of my first two bubbaz, but I gain strength in knowing that although I have never been able to hold either of them, they are both in my heart and will be forever.. I feel blessed that I have been able to experience the love I have felt unconditional and undying for my children.. I may never physically be able to hold them, but they are still my children, my spirit babies. I pray hoping that they are in heaven helping the angels, who needed them more than I did, spread love. I will admit that I am an emotional wreck with this pregnancy, living in constant fear of another loss, but I will not give up. with every loss we truly experience love, the kind some woman may search their life for. it may be hard for some woman to believe but if you have experienced just a month of pregnancy you have been truly blessed with a gift,.. many woman out their can't even experience or have that much, my heart truly goes out to those woman. Remember all... please love through the pain, the pain will never completely cease but our love can only get stronger. Love your little one for the time you did get to have together, you got to experience pregnancy and for that please feel blessed.
ValBurton ValBurton 6 years
I had my miscarriage in 1993 and I dont think I will ever get over it.
PaulaPorter27361 PaulaPorter27361 6 years
My sister and i were pregnant at the same time by just a few weeks. Then the night before i was suppose to hear the baby's heartbeat i started bleeding, i knew i was having my period. Within a few hours i learned my pregnancy was ectopic. It took three months, two doses of methotrexate and finally surgery to remove my tube before i could physically move on. The hardest time of my life. But to make it worse i had to watch my sister have a successful pregnancy. I didn't get the family comfort from my sister or my mother. (It's hard to when they have baby on the brain). I did however inform my mother that i would not be around when my sister was visiting. I knew what my emotional limits were at the time. She accepted that. My mother in law however was my saving grace. She helped me realize that all my anger and sadness was fully justified, and those emotions would not make me a bad aunt or sister. The day my sister gave birth i felt a tremendous release, I would finally be able to move forward with trying again. Nearly a full year to the month when we got pregnant last time we are pregnant again. You never forget, but you do slowly heal and move forward.
TeresaLink TeresaLink 6 years
You never really recover. You move on and are changed forever. It's really not fair.
ValerieBlankenship41453 ValerieBlankenship41453 6 years
For each person the time frame is different on when they should try again. I know it took me months to get over mine and then a few months after wards a dear friend of mine miscarried her's too. I thought at the time that I was over mine but when I found out it was very apparent to every one that I was not. I did end up pregnant a year after the loss of my first baby though. Later on we found out that I am more prone to miscarriages because of a disease I inherited from my mother. Miscarriages are very heart breaking and I think it is very important for the woman to completely heal both mentally and physically before trying again. Some try right away because they feel that a new baby will make up for the one that they lost but the truth is it doesn't. Also in some cases there is an actual medical reason why the miscarriage took place and for this instances a doctors help and advice is needed. Currently I am 6 months pregnant with my second son and the constant fear of miscarriage is there even at this stage in my pregnancy. Once you have experienced it you do not forget it. When I had mine I had no one to talk to and I had to deal with the pain myself which I think makes it harder to get past. I celebrate the day that my baby was "born" each year and I also named it as well. For some that seems odd or weird but it has helped me to be able to move on.
I have miscarried 7 times, and no, I have not "recovered" from the losses. I am 8 months pregnant now, and still fear loss of this child. However I did find out WHAT caused the miscarriages while I was pregnant with #7 (this makes pregnancy #9.) Often, it turns out, mothers who are frequent miscarriers, or medically known as "chronic aborters" have a slight blood mutation which causes over clotting and can cause the placenta to clot. Knowing this has helped me maintain pregnancy #7 and #9, by taking extra folic acid and a blood thinner. I must say, my miscarriages were over a period of 11 years, and only one child of 9 pregnancies have survived thus far. I miss the children I lost, even though I never met them. Each one was named, and those names will never be used by me on another child. It was very difficult for me to maintain my sanity, but I had family who was supportive w/o being overbearing. I think it's very important to KNOW you have people to talk to, even if you chose not to utilize them.
JennyMartin33612 JennyMartin33612 6 years
I say you need to take as much time as you need. For my sister-in-law, that was about a month. For me, it was 2 years. Everyone is different. You need to listen to your heart. You'll know when it is time to try again. If I would have tried to conceive right away, I would have been a mess. I knew that and waited. Now I have a beautiful baby girl who is loved by her 2 older brothers. I do have to say though, you never forget the one you lost. You just move on accepting that it was God's will and everything happens for a reason.
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