The first few days after a baby's birth are like living in a bubble so hospital visitors shouldn't burst it. Doting mothers stare at their new bundles of joy in awe and focus on if and when their babies are eating, sleeping and pooping. The following is a list of off-limit topics and behaviors for those heading to the maternity ward.
- Don't snap mad photos without permission — especially if the mama has a visible catheter bag or stained sheets.
- Don't stare or ask to touch her brand-new Dolly Parton boobs. News flash: engorged breasts hurt!
- Don't ask if she had her tubes tied or if her hubby is getting a vasectomy.
- Don't discuss the family's carbon footprint.
- Don't ask if there's any way the baby's conehead can be molded.
- No matter how big the baby's head is, don't speculate about the size of her pelvis or hips.
- Don't refer to the child as having "elf ears."
- Don't attribute every baby smile to gas.
- Don't mention that you think today's parents don't have a clue.
- Don't ask when they are going to try for another one!
- Don't question if the husband is really the father since the baby looks nothing like him!
- Don't try to persuade the parents to change the baby's name by coming up with all the awful nicknames you think the child faces.
- Don't talk about everything that is wrong with the world.
- Unless she offers, don't ask the degree of her tear.
- Don't exclaim, "Oh, I love your mom pooch!" It's not like she can speed up a contracting uterus.
Add your additions to this list below!