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Flirting While Married

3 Signs That Flirting Has Crossed the Line

3 Signs That Flirting Has Crossed the Line

Jillian M., a mom of two who is in a committed relationship and who has been flirting with a co-worker, is wondering if that makes her a bad person. Most of her friends say that flirting with a co-worker "is a definite no-no," but Jillian feels that her flirtation is harmless. There's "no touching or sexual advances whatsoever," she explains, and it's hard to end it because it satisfies her need for "a pick-me-up."

Jillian's situation is far from unique among moms. Many Circle of Moms members admit to occasional attractions and flirtations with friends, co-workers, or strangers, and many wonder how and where these innocent flirtations — whether their own or their significant other's — veer into dangerous territory for a couple in a committed relationship.

Here, Circle of Moms members offer three warning signs that an innocent flirtation could become a doorway to heartache and humiliation.


Keep reading.

1. Are You Disrespecting Your Partner?

Krista E. and Kelly L. are among many moms who agree that it's normal for married people to have occasional crushes. Flirting is natural, they say, but it becomes unacceptable when done in secret or when it causes discomfort: "I think it's perfectly fine as long as your husband knows about it and is OK with it," Kelly explains, adding that it has to be done "with no other intentions."

Krista draws that line a little more strictly: "Does the activity honor your spouse?" she asks. "If not it shouldn't go any further than that."

2. Are You Living Online Instead of in Your Marriage?

Kylie H. feels that a little bit of flirting is fine at parties or social events, where everything is out in the open. It's Internet flirting that's dangerous, she says, because it transforms and intensifies quickly into the kind of connection that truly threatens a committed relationship: "an emotional affair." She would be livid, she says, if her husband was flirting or "having sexy chats with some chick on the net."

Cathy C. agrees that online flirting is "a recipe for disaster," and Jennie M. says it's more than clear when digital sparring has gone too far. Her husband reconnected with several old girlfriends through Facebook, spending more and more time online and eventually destroying several marriages. (She doesn't say whether hers was among them.)

For Tyanna H., who discovered that her partner was hanging out on dating sites, the line in the sand is felt in the gut: "If you have a feeling flirting has gone too far, it probably has," she wryly offers. Mel H. suggests a more concrete sign: when online flirting starts to involve cyber sex, dirty pictures, or flirting in chat rooms, something she indulged in herself until her partner discovered (and was hurt by) it.

3. Does Your Marriage Need Your Attention?

Finally, some moms, including Polly J., believe that "there is no such thing as innocent flirting." The goal of flirting is to attract another person, she explains, and there's no place for that in a marriage.

It's simply "disrespectful," agrees Louise G.; a husband and wife should be flirting with each other rather than with other women and men. And a mom named Shauna feels that flirting is, simply, cheating: "You made a commitment to someone and flirting is making advances toward another man who is also in a relationship." She asks moms to consider not only how flirting can impact a spouse, but also how it might affect the kids.

Elaborating on that theme, Lindsay H. suggests that flirting crosses the line when it distracts from an underlying problem that is all too common for people with children and that can be quite serious: that your relationship with your significant other needs more of your energy. "I'd say if the desire is there to meet someone online and be flirting, the current relationship may need to be evaluated," she cautions.

What rules do you have about flirting?

NataliaPiraquive1378506467 NataliaPiraquive1378506467 4 years
This girl flirted with my boyfriend and the father of my kids, right in front of me...... what would you have done or said?
CoMMember13627627915318 CoMMember13627627915318 4 years
We have feelings, we have emotions, I think its normal to be attracted to someone, but its wrong to allow these thoughts to linger in your mind, then flirting is inevitable. If you are flirting, then you have already lost the battle. You are already seeing them in a more than friend kind of way, that is NOT ok. No condemnation if you find yourself there, just get out of it ASAP and move on.
SusiNeale SusiNeale 4 years
What rules do I have about flirting? I didn't think there needed to be any rules! You're married? Then your flirting days are over. Unless it's with your husband, of course. I would suggest that if you like they way you feel when someone flirts with you, or when you flirt with someone else, it's time to sit down with your spouse and find out why you don't feel that way when you talk to each other.
LaShondraGlenn LaShondraGlenn 4 years
Flirting is wrong, because it starts out innocent and turn to something much more.women and men find themselves looking forward to that person which makes it a emotional attraction then it become mental which leads to a physical attraction.
AngyPetersen AngyPetersen 4 years
My husband couldn't tell if anyone was flirting with him unless they said it to his face and then they wouldn't get a response. He's more interested in how our kids flirt with the people we meet. It's adorable. I generally ignore people who try to flirt with me. But then I don't go anywhere so I don't give people a chance.
JoleneStotler JoleneStotler 4 years
I do think flirting is wrong, even if your spouse knows about it. I wouldn't and I expect the same from my husband. It is disrespectful to each other and teaching your kids that marriage isn't an important commitment to make.
KeriRozansky KeriRozansky 4 years
I would NEVER flirt with another man and my husband would NEVER flirt with another woman. It's disrespectful - to yourself, your partner, the person you're flirting with, and if the person you're flirting with has a partner - that person too. It's not even OK if your partner knows about it - I'd think if that's the case and the partner is OK with it then there's something very wrong. Your partner could have already taken his or her flirting too far and be having an affair. Flirting: just DON'T.
alura10809 alura10809 4 years
hm.. i think if it leaves work or wherever through texting fbing tweeting its crossing a line. i think having a Crush is normal.. definitely might want to avoid the crush and not pursue them through flirting before it turns into something more.
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