1 Mom Explains Why Silent Resentment Over Housework Is "Relationship Cancer," and She Nailed It
Constance Hall, an Australian blogger with four kids (and one on the way!), was unapologetically candid about how sick and tired she is of asking her husband to help with the housework. In a recent Facebook post, Constance launched into a full-on rant about what it's like having to do everything around the house, and as you'd expect, it's beyond relatable for many, let alone anyone with kids.
She explained that she decided to post about the workload imbalance after a person urged her to ask her partner for help:
Someone said to me, "If you want help you need to be specific . . . ask for it. People need lists, they aren't mind readers." So I tried that, asking [for] specifics . . .
"Can you take the bin out?"
"Can you get up with the kids? I'm just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years."
"Can you go to Woolie's? I've done three loads of washing and made [breakfast], lunch, picked up all the kids' school books, and dealt with the floating sh*t in the pond."
And yeah, she was right . . . sh*t got done.
Constance was quick to point out that although her husband helped her out as soon as she asked for it, the phenomenon was fleeting:
"But I was exhausted just keeping the balls in the air, remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging. And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking? NOTHING. Again. And so I've come to the conclusion that it's not your job to ask for help, it's not my job to write f*cking lists," she wrote. "We have enough god damn jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous workload is not one of them."
Fair enough.
She also urged married couples to be more considerate when it comes to divvying up the chores. After all, when kids are added to the equation, neither partner has a surplus of down time.
Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house. Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet?
Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day?
Is one of you carrying the weight?
Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists . . .
All you're left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer . . .
It's not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That's your job.
We tend to agree: the silent treatment isn't good for any relationship. The takeaway for any partner who doesn't offer consistent help? "Just do the f*cking dishes without being asked once in a while motherf*ckers."