Deciding when and how to talk to your kids about sex is tricky. Lori Beth Bisbey of YourTango [1] shares her tips for making this conversation as painless as possible.
Now it can be a lot less awkward.
Parenting is HARD.
One minute you're giving birth, and the next your child is graduating college — all in the blink of an eye.
But I think most parents would agree that one of the most challenging times for parents is figuring out when to have the sex talk with your kids. [2]
We thought being the kid during those sex talks was hard and awkward ... but it's far more awkward having to be the parent. [3]
The hardest part of the whole conversation is deciding when it's the right time and then how to do it. [4] You don't want to expose them too much when they're young, but you also want to make sure they learn from you and nobody else.
And it's not exactly the kind of thing you just go "Hi, how was your day? Good and by the way, let's talk about sex." [5]
So to take some of the stress out of "the talk", we asked Expert and psychologist Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey [6] — creator of the podcast A-Z of Sex [7] — to answer the hardest question every parent faces: when is the right time to have the sex talk? [8]
And the answer is ... as soon as they ask!
That doesn't mean when your 4-year-old daughter asks "where do babies come from" you should explain [9] all the intimate details of how mommy and daddy had sex. But, at the same time, you shouldn't necessarily lie to her and say the stork delivered the baby on your doorstep.
Find a basic answer that you and your partner agree is accurate but not overwhelming (like mommy carried the baby inside her).
When your 5-year-old son asks why he has a penis [10] and the girl he accidentally opened the bathroom door on in school doesn't, answer him but, again, don't overwhelm him.
The most important thing you can do when your children begin asking these questions [11] is to create a safe space.
By answering your child honestly and without any judgment or extreme awkwardness, you teach them that it's ok to ask you these questions. [12]
So when they get to the important questions about actual sex, [13] they won't feel like they have to find the answer online or through porn. [14] They will feel completely comfortable (well, as comfortable as asking questions like that can be) talking to their parents.
It may still be awkward in the beginning.
But hearing about the birds and the bees from you [15] is better than having to find the answer on their own, and SO worth the awkwardness.
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