For mom-to-be Jessica Simpson, there’s no such thing as "TMI." This is, after all, the same woman who once explained that she only brushes her teeth three times a week "because my teeth are so white, and I don’t like them to feel too slippery . . . My lips just slide all over the place."
It seems that pregnancy has only upped the 31-year-old star’s urge to share: from her "unstoppable" sex drive to her "Swamp Ass" nickname, Jessica has been happily detailing just about every aspect of her personal life over the past several months.
Here are some of the expectant mom’s funniest and most outrageous quotes:
On finding out she was pregnant: "We were goin’ to have an all-day drinking binge. Gonna ride our bikes, hang out . . . do naughty things. But I started feeling this overwhelming guilt."
On her big baby: "There is only one; there is only one girl. But I did get knocked up by a baller . . . That’s what I get, he’s, like, six feet, four inches."
On her food cravings: "This week, it’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, toasted. And then, I’ll put some salt on my hand like I’m taking a tequila shot and then take a bite of the sandwich."
On her dessert cravings: "They’re called Slutty Brownies. They are a layer of cookie dough, a layer of Oreo cookies, and a layer of brownie dough, and then you bake it together. It’s amazing.” Why are they called Slutty Brownies? “I don’t know. I guess a lot goes into them?"
On her pregnant sex life: "I am definitely ‘feeling intimate.’ I’m kind of unstoppable right now. The Big O is, like, the biggest O ever!"
On her new nickname: "I came up with it because I was sweating my butt off and I just started calling myself ‘Swamp Ass.’ Like, I have swamp ass right now. I have major swamp ass because I was wearing these Spanx to hold in my gut . . . I’m wearing these Spanx, and we’re under these hot lights . . . It’s very humid in there."
On her water breaking: "I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha! Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks, it will be like a fire hydrant!"
I love it! I definitely would’ve drawn the line at the Swamp Ass story, but to each her own. Just imagine the tales she’ll be telling when her daughter finally gets here and she’s knee-deep in diaper blowouts!
What do you think of Jessica’s pregnancy quotes: TMI or hilarious?