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Kid Free Weddings

When Kids Aren't Invited to the Wedding

The last few weddings I attended were kid free. While many parents are bothered by such restrictions, I appreciate the limitation. I understand why the engaged couple wants all eyes on them while they exchange vows and not on a screaming infant. Not all children misbehave at such events, but unfortunately there aren't guarantees when it comes to kiddos at adult events so the safest bet for brides-to-be is to deny them the opportunity all together.

Why as a mama of two do I like the "no kids" rule? I appreciate the bride and groom making the decision for me. All I have to do is find a caretaker for my children while I dance the night away with my husband. Depending on the location, relatives or family babysitters have watched the tots. In rare cases, I have used care services like Sittercity to provide me a nanny.

I look forward to enjoying marital festivities with my babes one day, but until they are officially invited — they will sleep well knowing mommy and daddy are enjoying each other and other adult company.

Join The Conversation
bellazmom bellazmom 7 years
We had kids at our wedding, and it was fine. We made sure there was kid-appropriate food available, and we rented an extra, smaller conference room next to the ballroom as a "kid space" with a TV and VCR. And, I had a cousin who specified "no kids" at her destination wedding while my son was an infant. In an effort to respect her wishes, we decined the invitation, and she got miffed. Well, it was an "invitation," not a "mandate," correct??
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
Anon, I agree with the 1 part of your paragraph, but how is it fair for the bride and groom to foot the bill for babysitters? It would probably cost the same amount to have them at the wedding. My thing is if you're invited somewhere, it's not the host who is responsible for paying for childcare, that goes on the parents.
SugarKat SugarKat 7 years
I've been to two weddings this year and both didn't specify kids, but I was told to bring my 3 year old daughter by the brides. I guess I didn't read the invitation correctly. They were both written to me and my husband, but I didn't catch it and RSVP'd for the three of us and told the bride to just let me know if kids weren't invited and I'd get a sitter. I understand the cost. One of the weddings, clearly kids were invited and there were a lot, but the other one, I'm not so sure. Oh well...
Fitness Fitness 7 years
I think weddings are about community and family. The more generations present at the ceremony and reception the better.
sweetrae80 sweetrae80 7 years
My wedding/reception were adult only because it was at my house. There simply wasn't enough room to have children there (there was barely enough room for the adults). I love my (child) cousins dearly, and I don't think they'll hold it against me.
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
I think it depends on the tone of the wedding though, Haute. If you want a formal evening wedding (8pm) with an open bar in an upscale hotel/location, you definitely don't want kids there. Kids shouldn't be out that late anyway. Kids may be part of the family, but you wouldn't take them to a company party or a $100 a plate restaurant if they may disrupt others. My dog, 3 chinchillas, rabbit, fish, and cat are a part of my family, can they come too? :) I went to my cousins wedding where my niece was throwing a fit when they were exchanging vows. Many people don't want to risk that. My wedding - kid-free ceremony, reception is for everyone. I have too many kids in my family to make it a black tie event.
haute77 haute77 7 years
I don't know what's the big deal about bringing kids or not. Kids are part of the family. Weddings are about the couple but it is also about family and friends and making your guests feel welcome. Have a separate conversation about those kids who are unruly instead of generalizing and demonizing all kids. Or provide a solution by setting up a drawing station or hire a babysitter for a few hours onsite. Many couples would love to come but it is costly to hire someone. Mostly every wedding I've been to it's been a non-issue. Personally, I think kids add a great feeling to weddings because they are the first ones on the dance floor and everyone melts when they are in the wedding party walking down the aisle. Just make sure there are other kids there and they're fine. I have the most touching photos of my niece, my coworkers' kids, and other relative's kids dancing and taking pictures with me. That is worth EVERYTHING to me even though my little niece was banging her expensive bouquet on the floor and picking on it during the ceremony.
clew001 clew001 8 years
I am all for an adults only wedding. I hate when all the rascals are invited and they are screaming and kicking and making a scene. let the adults have fun and enjoy the night.
graylen graylen 8 years
I absolutely adore children, but I am having an adults-only wedding. What blows me away is that parents would EXPECT their children to be invited. Would you bring your children to a professional work party or a cocktail dinner with friends? I was never aware of kids being automatically invited to everything- I certainly was not when I was a child. If it's too hard to get away or find a babysitter, send your regrets. If it's someone that would expect you to be at your wedding, I'd take the chance to personally call them and let them know why you can't attend. I'd be a little peeved if someone I was extremely close to just sent back a no reply card. Pick up the phone! I called all of my friends with children and explained that we could not afford the liability of having kids at our wedding, plus it's a limited space location and all of my friends were super excited to have an adults-only night with their hubby. I say that you should respect the couple as they are inviting you to share in their day, not the other way around.
littlekaren littlekaren 8 years
Some people -- on both side of this issue -- just ENJOY being offended, are happy when they can get up-in-arms about some issue. GRRRRR!!! okay, we get it.
kristyy kristyy 8 years
To those that complained about the cost of a babysitter, have you considered the cost to the couple of having your kid there? If the venue doesn't offer children's menus, guess what? The couple still has to pay for your kid. 10 kids = 1 whole table = additional decorations = additional space -- you get the picture. Yes, your kid is your family, but remember that no one loves your kid as much as you do. Making the assumption that everyone wants your kid there is being self-centered. If the couple doesn't want your kid there and you really don't want to leave your kid at home, then you should stay home with him. Don't ruin someone else's day because you can't be understanding. I've seen enough weddings where I felt like smacking the kids on behalf of the couple.
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