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Lil Community: Do You Spank Your Kid?

This post was submitted by Betty Wayne in The Mommy Club group over in the LilSugar Community.

Proponents of spanking feel that it's an effective punishment; that occasionally spanking a child in an otherwise loving home is a good way to show that there are consequences for misdeeds. Opponents tend to feel that spanking teaches that violence is an effective way to end conflict. Some think spanking is straight-up child abuse. Keep in mind... when I say spanking, I mean a couple firm swats on the backside. Child abuse is NEVER acceptable or excusable. If you have reason to believe that a child you know is being abused, or if you fear your frustration with parenting may turn you into an abuser, PLEASE, contact the proper authorities. Which brings me to my question: how do you ladies feel about this issue? Do you spank your kid?

Talk about motherly things on your mind at The Mommy Club group over in the LilSugar Community.

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DebraGeorge1387496327 DebraGeorge1387496327 3 years
Yes, I spank both children if they are very naughty. For instance, more recently my son Noah backchatting me over his holiday homework I warned him of his incoming spanking if he continued, and he did. When I spank Noah, I take him by the wrist and either take him to his bedroom or to the couch in the livingroom. This was taking place in the kitchen, so I took him to the livingroom. I sat and explained to him why he was getting a spanking and took down his jeans and put him across my lap. I then spanked him to crying point. I stopped and let him sob before picking him up and hugging him.
agonzalez agonzalez 7 years
Im not going to lie I have spanked my children before. People often say it's not good because they can grow to be rebellious or worse. I dont do it out of anger, but if I have to repeat myself, or if they get themselves in danger I do. My six year old ignores me alot and I feel like Im saying the words " Jay, stop it!" 800 times a day and that's when I do give him a spanking. I think it depends on who you are, people each choose how to raise their kids. In my opinion I think it's ok as long as you have a good reason to, and as long as it's not out of anger.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 7 years
Hmmm... maybe strong-willed kids get spanked more, then grow up to be strong-willed adults who like rough, risky sex.
GregS GregS 7 years
@PDeverit - For those not able to look at the key indicators of the sexual deviance listed in the article, here they are... *Verbally and physically coercing a dating partner to have sex. *Risky sex such as premarital sex without a condom. *Masochistic sex such as being aroused by being spanked when having sex. The first one is never cool, but based on spanking or corporal punishment? Usually they're low self-esteem guys who could never get a girl on their wits and personality alone. You don't need to be spanked or have corporal punishment to get into that position. But I may say that if one were excessively punished, sure. I could buy it. Risky sex such as without condoms? Really? Show of hands how many of us have done that? I thought so. All of you are corporally punished as a child? Didn't think so. Masochistic sex. A prevalance maybe, but some people come to pain on their own as part of sex play. As far as I'm concerned, whatever floats your boat. Not my bag, but I don't have to play along. Personally, I think a lot of these issues can be manifested from neglect or abandonment, or non-violent dominance by a parent/guardian. Like most things in life, there are more than one reason why things happen the way they do. If the corporal punishment is done more to vent frustration on the part of the parent, then there will probably be more of this deviant behavior later. If the punishment is done rarely and as a teaching point with a talk and cuddling after, probably not so much of an issue. And remember. What is "deviant"? It's something that is outside the norm of the environment of the subject. In a prison, the deviants are not the criminals. It's the guards.
GregS GregS 7 years
I got spanked as a kid and I'm OK, too. I only eat kids instead of beating them. No, but seriously... I used spanking as a last resort and only when conditions were appropriate. Like if he kept running into the road without looking, I'd yak at him, guide and direct. But at some point the issue has to be driven home. I figure that it's better my open hand once or twice on the butt is better than a car bumper at 30 mph, or the potential injury to a friend if he's poking with something sharp. All in all, I think he got spanked maybe 10-15 times in his life? If that? Mostly I found that time outs worked.
PDeverit PDeverit 7 years
Response for Betty Wayne: Actually there have been studies on the sexual consequences, the most recent of them from the University of New Hampshire: Spanking Kids Increases Risk of Sexual Problems as Adults, New Research Shows By Murray Straus, University of New Hampshire, February 28, 2008
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 7 years
Once or twice a week at most, ever. It's been about three weeks since the last time. I guess it's hard to say where exactly abuse begins.
Lyv Lyv 7 years
"I got spanked and turned out okay" is so not an argument. People suffer all kinds of crime and serious abuse and turn out "okay", doesn't make the acts any less wrong/illegal. Betty Wayne... if you don't think exposing a child in order to physically punish them - in public! - constitutes abuse... that only goes to show how spanking can mess with people's heads. Oh and spanking a child once or twice per week is not exactly "rarely" either, by the way.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 7 years
Child buttock battering? So that's what they call it now-a-days. I spank my girl, but rarely. First she gets a warning, then time-out. Supernanny says to put your kid in a chair and set your timer one minute for each year of age; I give my 4 1/2 year old 5 minutes. I add another minute each time she talks back or yells. If she gets up to 15 minutes, she gets one firm swat on the bottom. This only happens once or twice per week, if at all. I got spanked when I was young, and I turned out okay, but I think my mom took it farther than she should have. With both my brother and me, she would pull our pants down- in a store once!- and smack us as much as 10 times. I don't think that's ABUSE, but it was excessive. After age 5 or 6, I think a parent really has to have a new discipline system in place. Also, I think it's important to balance punishment with reward; they can be equal but punishment should NEVER outweigh reward, even if that means overindulging a disobedient child for mundane accomplishments. Anon 7 every child is different and I agree; some are just more strong willed than others, and some parents are less patient than others. I don't know if I buy that erogenous zone argument. I mean, nearly any part of the body can be an erogenous zone if properly handled. I would be interested in seeing the results of a study showing what exactly the negative sexual consequences of spanking are. PDeverit I didn't know that about the Convention on the Rights of the Child... how interesting... I'll have to read more about it.
PDeverit PDeverit 7 years
People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual battery if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18. For one thing, because the buttocks are so close to the genitals and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, striking them can trigger powerful and involuntary sexual stimulus in some people. There are numerous physiological ways in which it can be sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can use the resources I've posted if they want to learn more. Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE: Child buttock-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit. Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit. I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do. There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals: Plain Talk About Spanking by Jordan Riak, The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children by Tom Johnson, NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D. Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit the website of Parents and Teachers Against Violence In Education at Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea: American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, American Psychological Association, Center For Effective Discipline, Churches' Network For Non-Violence, Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps, Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children, United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
cupcakedreams cupcakedreams 7 years
I was spanked as a child when i did something bad. it was part of our culture that when we did something bad, we were either hit by a spoon, shoe, or belt.. not too hard or anything, but that clearly sent the message to myself to NOT be I turned out to be a great child.. even though i still had an attitude growing up, i graduated high school and college with honors and work in a great field... now as for me and my child.. she has not given me the reason to spank nor would i want to. instead she gets the eyes and i think that's enough intimidation.. lol
SugarKat SugarKat 7 years
I think it's ok to spank a child in an extreme situation. I think it does send the wrong message, but it is sometimes the ONLY way to get through to a child. When I was young, I didn't have to be spanked, but my brother did.
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
I picked Other... no kids yet and I don't know what the answer will be until I'm in the situation. It really depends on the kid too. I think spanking can be used to discipline, but not very often.
Moms Moms 7 years
Anonymous — this is not a LilSugar editorial post. It's a Lil Community post by user Betty Wayne.
kt7691 kt7691 7 years
I was not spanked as a child and I will NEVER spank my children. I think my father put it best when he said "You don't hit people who are smaller than you to get them to do what you want". If they are doing something dangerous, firmly remove them and give them a strong talking to. Violence is not the answer.
starbucks2 starbucks2 7 years
I was never spanked as a kid and I turned out okay. I think spanking is disrespectful to anyone, that includes kids. I spank my dog!
Lyv Lyv 7 years
I understand children can be hell sometimes but spanking is never ever okay, no matter how little strength you put into it or how grave is the stunt the little brat's pulled. First, because the message you're putting out there for your kid is that it's alright to solve conflicts with physical assault. Secondly, need I remind you that the buttocks are still an erogenous zone and that is just messed up.
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 7 years
I thought I would. Maybe I might later (hopefully we won't get to that point). But so far, I haven't had a reason to spank my two-year-old. When she frustrates me to the point that I'd like to smack her one, I leave the room. When she does something dangerous, I pick her up and bodily remove her from the danger. My mind is open to spanking (just a swat on the butt), but it would be a very severe consequence.
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