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Mom Confession: Sibling Rivalry Never Goes Away

Mom Confession: Sibling Rivalry Never Goes Away

Korinta M. and her sister compete over everything, from who's skinner to who's more successful. It’s a typical sibling dynamic, except that they’re both in their thirties. “Sibling rivalry never stops,” laughs Korinta.

It turns out that they're far from alone. Many Circle of Moms members are experiencing what a recent Wall Street Journal article called "one of the most harmful and least addressed issues in a family," or sibling rivalry that continues into adulthood.

All Grown-Up?

To moms who want to know if it will ever end, Cheryl H. says: “Don't hold your breath! I am one of six and although I have three older brothers, I was the first girl. We are now all aged between 45 and 60. Unfortunately the sibling rivalry is alive and well and the only difference is that the spouses also get in on the act."



Renee C. is having a similar experience with her sister. Though the fierce fighting has abated and they now live on opposite sides of the country, when they visit they fall right back into old patterns. “It takes about three days before the bickering begins. Then the husband comparison comes in: who is raising their kids in the best way, etc., and it's chaos once more. At least as adults we can get over it fast and move on, plus control our tempers and just go cool off.”

Castillo Z. says she still sees sibling discord among her sons who are 31 and 34.  “They compete over everything, even my attention,” she says. “Carlos (oldest) has always said Rob (youngest) is the favorite. Carlos has always had financial difficulty and had to move in with his brother several times. Last year he had a decent job and a little money. He was so excited about being able to get Christmas gifts for everyone. Knowing I have wanted a Kindle for a long time, Carlos purchased one. It could not be delivered until after Christmas and he was upset. When it did arrive I was very happy and Carlos said ‘Well look who's the favorite now.’ Rob's response ‘Yeah, but it won't be for long.’ Carlos in turn said: ‘Yeah, but it’s me for now.’ We all just started laughing.”

Sibling rivalry is also still alive and kicking in Louise A.’s family. This mom of four adult children also finds that it never stops. "I am the mother of a 44, 43, 41, and 38 year old. They love each other, would kill for each other, enjoy each other for awhile, but it is always there. I told them awhile ago that when their dad and I am gone, they will only have each other. They seem to have taken that to heart and stepped up to the plate. Makes me happy to see and they know that."

Are you jealous of your grown-up siblings?

Image Source: via iStockphoto

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

LisaHummel2076 LisaHummel2076 4 years
What do you do, though, when the rivalry turns physical? I am dealing with what I would call a horrible situation, that seems to only be getting worse, and I do not know how to make it better. This is due largely to myself, not willing to 'conform' into my family any longer. Briefly, the background. I come from a family of four, where my dad was always the boss. My mom never stood up to him, she does NOT like confrontation, turmoil, etc. (who does? but sometimes things need to be stood up for). This has worked in her marriage (43 years), so it is fine. We are at a point, however, where somethings got to give. In my family, you could never have an opinion...what they said arguments (which, considering that I am 42, I grew up when parenting was like that, much different than children now who feel that they can always 'debate' the rules--which is not right either). No opinions, and if you had one...o the hell to pay. I got whipped with a belt, numerous times, sometimes because a teacher didn't tell the 'full truth' about things--but I was not allowed to 'stand-up' for myself, as the teacher was an adult =and always right. Well, this progressed into adulthood. My was always a bit mean to me...telling me things just to make me feel bad and cry (I am a very in-ward person...meaning that I take everything to heart and I do have a fault of analyzing everything). He would say things like "you caused your brother to miss out on buying that car because you rode around with him & you all did not get it back in time", so, I would feel so bad about it that I would cry because I caused something bad for my brother--------to find out in the end that it wasn't true. My brother decided not to buy the car on his own. Stuff like that....mean. I think it is mean and I would never tell my son stuff like that just to make him feel bad---esp if it was NOT TRUE. So, it went on into adulthood. I had my son @ 26. Over the next couple of years I would take him to my parents (despite all with my father & my feelings toward him, I loved being with my family, and my mom and I had a beautiful relationship) for us all to visit. On several occasions, my brother would call my son very bad names (cause he didn't do as my brother said, or whatever reason), and my parents would never correct this...and I couldn't because it would cause havoc in the household. One eve., my bro and dad were both picking on him relentlessly...making him cry, but then when my 2 year old would finally reciprocate, they would say "ok, that's enough"! Then, they would pick on him again! FINALLY my mother would say "yaw stop..." Then my dad responded, "fine, if you want him to grow up to be a little pu--y.....FINE!" Well, at this point, I had enough, so I said ...."that is enough! We are out of here". As I went to grab my son and leave, my dad flew out of his chair and started beating on me (to add that my gran was visiting along with my mom's bestie), in front of everyone (I was holding my 2yr. old while this happened). Ok, my dad, a day later, wrote all of us the same apology note, and I was kicked off the property. No formal apology to me, but I was allowed to stay in my home (a mobile home on their property). A few years later, my brother got mad over something that was between his wife and I (a discussion between the 2 of us about our relationship and how we'd both been wrong in our interpretations of what a sis-in-law should be---we had ironed it out very positively...but he was ready to leave, and when she did not do as he said, in order to take it off of her---she turned to me while walking out and blamed me for them not leaving 'when he was ready'), so, he took it into his own hands....because I had said our Lords name in vain (which is wrong---and being mad is NO excuse---but, that was between God and I)----and my brother was in the midst of being "saved" at that time in his life (he gave up the alcohol/drug crutch for the bible crutch-----which is long as it's not a 'crutch' that then allows you to beat someone over). He beat me in my face over and over again...chipping a cheekbone, blackening an eye, and breaking a tooth in half (for my dad to come out, witness and finally say "ok Steve, that's's all in her crazy head!"), finally my brother stopped beating on me. My brother tried to fight me on another occasion, over a piece of tuna @ my parents...asking me if I "wanted to take it outside and solve it 'like a man' ", I said no thanks...he then got into it with my parents...because FOR ONCE, they saw that it was cause of his drinking that he started this....they got into a huge argument, my brother telling my dad to hit him--which he refrained from (funny,,,,,was able to punch me) and my brother not be heard from in a year (until he went to jail for child support---THEN he wrote my mom a sad, pathetic letter---manipulating as always). They made up and my mom was able to come up with $8,000.00 for the courts to rid my brother of any future jail time. Last year, my brother beat me up, again, after we had (been getting along ----finally---for several months) in the garage hanging out...but he had drank too much....and something I said got him to punching. This time was much worse, he sat on top of me on my neck and spit on me and slapped me over and over again....threatened to kill and chased me down when I finally got out of the garage. I decided that was the last time that I was going to be hit by a man -------------in my family!!!! So, I called the cops. I chose to stop speaking to my mom, who I knew was going to blame me for the whole fight----cause of my 'big mouth', because it was too painful. She was going to ask me to drop the charges against my brother. She is mad because the courts put a restraining order on him. In the past year, she has soaked up my brother, who provides her with joy, and has lost respect for me because of the way that I speak to her now. I can't help it, I am so hurt! In May, my wonderful gran passed, and I have been hurt by my mom in ways that are just unimaginable. My brother is included in decisions about her home, packing it up, who gets what, etc. and I am left out. She comes up with stupid is just so hurtful (of course there is so much more...but this is just the basics). So, basically, even though my brother is a monster, and did a horrible thing to me....he is the one who gets to be involved...with everything. Now, my gran & I were extremely close...and when she would visit...I was up her butt....I loved her so much...and she would 'maybe' see my brother an hour out of the two weeks she was here. My son & I would go to visit at least 2-3 times a year (go there and spend holidays--she lived 8 hrs away). My brother NEVER went, unless it benefited him. Now, he is some kind of hero because he has gone to help around her house (of course, when you have no job and don't take care of your kid...and have no bills because you live off of a woman--or the parents---you can go and do all that----gas is paid for). So, just somebody help!!! I am just not as good @ the manipulation as he is----NEVER have been. Couldn't manipulate someone if I had instructions on how to do it!!! I just feel so alone, and estranged. I did nothing wrong, except FINALLY stand up for myself and say THIS IS WRONG AND IT IS ENOUGH!!! I don't know what to do. My mom and I are constantly at each others throats because she does NOT understand what my brother (and father for that matter) have done to me. I have always just shook it off and let it go....conformed to how they wanted me--because I love them soooo much and loved being around them.........and I am just NOT able to do it anymore. There is favoritism,,,and she does NOT and WILL NOT ever see it. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to not ever be around my parents anymore....but they disgust me by the way they think that everything is my fault ---just because I want to have a 'voice' and stand up for myself. Just doesn't seem fair! Anybody? Do I seem wrong, or like a brat? Thanks....this was long-winded! (there's just a lot to it!)
PatriciaRooney PatriciaRooney 5 years
This is kind of sad. Grow up!
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