Taking little ones in and out of their car seats is something that can become a monotonous daily task for parents. However, months after her little girl died, one mom strapped her infant into her car seat for the last time and didn't take that moment for granted.
In a chilling photo that is going viral, a heartbroken mom shared what it was like driving her 4-year-old home in an urn. After Ellie Walton was diagnosed with a brain tumor at just four months, she underwent 17 surgeries, 28 rounds of chemo, and 42 days of radiation before losing her battle. "Driving you home the other day, I was scared, but buckling you in felt normal. Even though none of this is normal, none of this is right," she wrote on Facebook. "You should be here."
Along with the photo of her toddler's remains in the car, Ellie's mom explained why it was a cardboard box strapped into the car seat. "We made you a custom urn, you would love it baby girl," she wrote. "Unfortunately temporary urns are just boxes, that wasn't good enough for you, so I decorated it, until your perfect urn comes in."
Ellie's mom shared this intimate and devastating moment as an important reminder of what childhood cancer can do to families. "This will change baby girl, I will make it change. I never want another mom to feel this way, and I will fight for these other kids so that no other mom has to buckle in ashes of their babies," she wrote.
Despite the seemingly endless hospital visits and painful chemotherapy appointments, this mom knows that the agony was worth it and wants other parents to cherish what she no longer can.
Death is so selfish baby girl. My heart is broken. I'm literally hurting and torn, I know you're in a better place, and yet no place is better than in my arms. I know you're happy and pain free, and yet I want you here. It's been two months since I last kissed your cheek or played with your hair. It's been two months of pure torture, agony, and despair. All I want back is our daily life, whatever that entailed, I want it back. I want hospital visits back and chemo back. I want your laughter and your joyous heart back. The things that brought my heart so much pain, only a few months ago, I so desperately want back today.
Life's not fair baby girl, you know that better than anyone. I do know that your life brought me so much joy, and looking back, I'm thankful that I made sure to tell you every single day just how much I loved you. I will forever be grateful to have been your mommy.
Baby girl I don't want you watching over me thinking that your passing only causes me pain. You see baby girl, I would gladly take this pain over and over again, if it meant that I got to be your momma. Because had I never known you, I would have never known pure happiness, I would have never known to live every moment as your last, and I would have never known what true bravery, strength, and courage looked like.